How To Not Annoy Me On Facebook.

Friendface!!

Facebook was much different back then. We didn't have proper news feeds, you had to post directly to your friends walls. It was all "Your friend poked you, poke them back!" and stickers. Stickers were everywhere. It wouldn't be until 2011 that the Facebook we know today would appear. By that time you could tell the world where on the planet you were, chat with friends, join groups, "like" your favourite movies or songwriters and everybody was already asking for a "dislike" button.[1]

This post isn't actually a history of Facebook itself. I know it started like that but unfortunately that post requires much, much more research than I have the patience for at the moment.  It's actually more about how we behave when we're there, the personas we create and why I think it's both good and bad to be fake on the internet.

I've been lurking on Facebook for the last week or so. The short form post layout has suited me for all my news and general Neighbours and Red Dwarf chat (I left the Theme Park group for reasons I'll get to in a moment) as I have been massively busy this week. Again. Anyway. I have a very diverse friends list. There are all the usual suspects, school friends, ex-workmates, that random guy you met at the pub but in my list I have my Coursera buddies. [2] The first course I did on Coursera had a group on Facebook. Once the course was over we all wanted an excuse to keep talking to each other so we formed a book group. Soon people were coming from other Coursera courses and our group evolved (but never disappeared) into a more general social group.

As time went on my group friends became Facebook friends. We sent each other postcards from our home countries, had a "gift exchange" organised by a man who lives in Japan. One of them is going through a similar experience to my own at the moment so we have been able to support each other through it. I really like having them on my Facebook, Stu, Mad and Brooke in America, Srin and Jey from India, Caro in Spain and Sham from Malaysia. They are mostly nice sensible, intellectual people who post pictures of cats and share articles about GoT. 

Because everyone loves pictures of cats ...

That is until you try talking politics with them. Unless you've been living under a rock you'll have noticed that the past eighteen to twenty four months have been quite, shall we say busy, politically. You might've seen the first post I wrote, a satirical story about a Jeremy Corbyn meme. Jill (the real star of that story) is based on one of my Coursera buddies. I got quite angry at Facebook for a while, from the beginning of the US Primaries to the recent British elections. Now, I don't want you guys to be upset and stop reading but, I really like Trump and knew he was going to win even before he became the republican candidate.

I don't know how I knew he was going to win. Maybe it was female intuition. Basically all of my friends (and family annoyingly enough) hated him. The Americans in my friends list jumped on every scandal they could reposting over and over the "pussy grabbing" story, the hilarious Tom Oliver skits which would convince everyone of Trumps stupidity. I tried a few times to discuss exactly why there wasn't an sexual assault scandal - the words "they let you" being the major clue - but my friends wouldn't have it. Trump was literally Hitler.  And then he won and the butt hurt got greater. 

I found an article about ten nice things Trump had done and shared it with the message "This might be an unpopular opinion but I think Trump is great". A few of my friends attempted to discredit the stories, with snopes of all things, when on actual inspection the stories were in general found to be true. I didn't just read the Snopes articles, I searched for the local news reports did my own research, something that the discreditors had failed to do. When I pointed the validity of the stories out to them I got silence.

They just cannot bear to be wrong about things, a trait which is prevalent across nearly all of my Facebook friends. And it's not just about politics. Dare to post a non game related article in the Theme Park Simulation Game group even though it is Theme Park related? Expect to have your post deleted and a little passive aggressive sticky from the admin obviously directed at you. This isn't quite what happened to me, but when it happened to another group member it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I posted an article about Disney changing the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I even said something along the lines of "Whoever made that awesome RCT3 version of Pirates of the Caribbean has an update to make"[3]. The article (linked at the bottom) was about how Disney were taking the "wench auction" out of the game because they felt it was offensive. Now, I'll admit I was being a little provocative that day, I really wanted to see what the core of the group would say seeing as gender-wise it's pretty evenly distributed.

It was a shit-show. One person early on dared to mention that he felt that Disney were essentially retconning history and that the current pc culture was to blame. It didn't go down well. After a while I was on the point of closing the comments because the insults being slung were far below the belt but the admin got there first and full on deleted the post. Without warning I might add. I let that one go as I'd been about to do essentially the same thing.

I've told these two entirely true stories to illustrate a point. Being on Facebook is like screaming into the void. Nobody listens to anybody anymore. When my Coursera social group began we all had lively discussions about art, movies, music. Politics came up once in awhile but somehow the likes of Gamergate or the new ugly version of feminism missed our happy little group. Now my news feed is the most depressing place ever. Post after post after post of misinformed bullshit. Nobody checks facts anymore, for them it is enough that they can check off on another narrative confirming story. I said, "I'm ready to change my ideas. Tell me why I'm wrong" and nobody could.

Nobody makes an effort anymore. I've been unemployed on and off for years (crap economy) and even when social media first started we were warned - your potential employers will look you up on Facebook. So I made an effort. My profile picture is me with my hands on an Enterprise style console looking shocked. It says a lot about me I think, enough to be going along with anyway. The posts I write are always spelt correctly, I back up what I say, I make an effort and it infuriates me when other people don't.

There are "safe spaces" for me on Facebook. My two Neighbours groups are fun and up until recently controversy free and when a Anti-Trump meme was posted in my Red Dwarf group, an Anti-Hillary one went up in the comments and we all had a good laugh and nobody insulted anybody. When we have a disagreement in our Neighbours group, we don't fling shit at each other like uneducated monkeys. We try to learn from each other and accept that criticism, when it comes, is well meant - improvement not punishment.

I now only post happy things on Facebook. I'm not constantly happy, as you might be able to tell, but I think that my happy/funny/silly posts might bring a smile to someone. Maybe the story of how a seagull stole my breakfast will make someone less miserable. I don't do politics there though, it's too tiring trying to debate with people who are stuck in their ways. I do still correct people's grammar but the few who know me on there aren't offended. Mostly they are gratified that I took the time to consider their post and make a thoughtful comment.

Congratulations! You got to the end. Sorry it was a bit of a stream of consciousness and that it's taken me so long to produce anything but I really have been very busy. Something huge is potentially about to start in my life and it's required a lot of work. Drop me a comment in support (I need it) and I'll bring you something new soon, something .. um light!. TTFN. x

[1] Have you ever wondered why they won't give us a dislike button? Maybe it's because it's a negative thing and negative things are bad for the brand or they don't want to be seen as facilitating bullying? Just something to consider ...

[2] Coursera is an online platform that offers mostly free courses in a range of subjects which you do over a number of weeks. If you're interested in hearing more about it, stay tuned, I have a post coming ...

[3] You can read about it here and you can see the video of the awesome RCT3 version here.