How my ancestors help me become a better man

The other day at work, my colleagues and I came to talk about our ancestors. One of them, who descends from an old aristocratic family who served under Napoleon reign, was telling us she does not really care about it. “Well past is past, she said, the way I regard them doesn't change anything for me”.

I was surprised. I have always been told about my ancestor since I was kid. I am not from an Asian country. I am French. It has nothing to do with religion. My parents and my grand-parents just felt it is right to relate to people who came before you.

When me and my brothers and sister were kids we used to spend our holidays at my mother's side grand-parents' house in the countryside. A dog, a large garden to play around, bikes,… everything was great but among all, the best moments we spent were during dinner time when my Grand-Pa used to tell use the stories of the “Grand-Père Rechignat”, one of our ancestors who lived in Creuse, in the center of France, in the middle of the XIXe century. The stories always started the same way. My Grand-Pa would describe the Grand-père Rechignat's family. “The grand-père Rechignat had three sons...” and we would all answer their names. All my cousins know those stories full of adventures, drama (yes, one of the sons dies), humor and joy, and even my far cousins, as my grand-pa's brothers used to tell their great children those family memories too.

Another example from my dad side, my great grand-father wrote the biography of one of our ancestors, named François Ripaud de Montaudevert, who was a French privateer at the end of the XVIIIe century. This man had a really extraordinary life. He left French Brittany when he was only 11 years old, and sailed to the Indian Ocean where he spent most of his life fighting against British vessels. My great-grand-father's book is extensive about battles he won or lost to protect what is now known as Mauritius and La Réunion Islands, or about his visits to Tipu Sahib, an Indian sultan under the threat of British sailors. My ancestor died in 1814 in Bayonne, South-West of France, during another battle against the British fleet. A cannonball snatched his arm. There is an old framed engraving of this epic battle at my grand-parents, and since we were kids, we have always been impressed and amazed by it.

Ripaud de Montaudevert (1755-1814)

I am well aware not everyone enjoy such extensive knowledge about his family's past. I am very grateful for my family shared and passed on their lives and memories. This is a real and invaluable treasure to know where you come from. And most of all, this is always inspiring. Simple details of my ancestors life as well as more extraordinary events.

How ordinary life events made a difference

My wife and I have known each other for more than five years before getting married. We spent most of these years apart. Not in different cities when you can jump in a train and meet for the weekend. Apart apart, in very distant countries: Taiwan/France, Indonesia/France, Mexico/Indonesia, Dubai/France, Dubai/Indonesia. Even with Skype, you still need to manage the time difference. One of the things that helped me was to know my great-grand-father met his wife only three times before they got married.

Yes, it was one century ago. But it was not an arranged marriage or anything like this. They spent their entire life together and very much in love. Even though I haven't had the chance to know them directly, I can still see the fruits their love bore in my family.

Their fathers were business partners and one day that my great-grand-father's father – I know it's kind of long that way – went to pay a visit to his clients, a retailer selling my ancestor's shoes, he brought his son along…This young man who came back from the First World War few years earlier, met his future wife for the first time and would only meet her twice again. We still remember it, and it helped me move forward in a never-easy long-distance relationship.

I met my wife way more than three times before we got married last April, so I consider myself rather lucky. We are now expecting our first kid and one of the most important things I want to teach him about is his family history.

In our modern societies, people tend to cherish their freedom. They favor relations that they choose rather than those they have to “undergo”: family, neighboors, nationals… By neglecting what you receive, for what you pick, I believe the risk of mistake is much higher. Time is a terrible sieve for illusion therefore what last is most of the time what deserves to be regarded as sound. Family and family history is a very precious gift, even when there is nothing a priori extraordinary or worth writing a book. My great-grand-parents life is not that entertaining or original after all. You may have only farmers, poor workers, there is always something interesting and moving to know about them. You may also have a murderer among your ancestors, or someone that did really bad things, but not all of them are that bad for sure. Just the simple fact of knowing you belong to something which is bigger than you, and that nobody can ever take it from you, is somehow reassuring.

And well, just think how would any of your ancestors reacts if he or she meets you. Would he be proud? Would he be ashamed? What do you think would be his advice for you? That's the kind of thoughts that help me look differently at things happening in my life and at choices I have to make, and most of all, this makes me a better man.