When the father is jealous of the baby

Jealousy has its origin in the constant attention of the mother towards the baby

With the arrival of a new member to the family, the routines, schedules and customs change and change radically. Everything is different, everything is new. Normally mothers adapt more quickly to the new situation than father, it is normal, it takes a while to reorganize family life again . However, there are times when the father does not adapt to the changes and may feel displaced and disoriented for a while.

During the first months after the arrival of a baby, a special and unique bond is formed between the mother and the child. All the attention of the mother falls on the little one, everything revolves around him, from the smallest activities to the topics of conversation.

That is why men who may have been accustomed to having all the woman's worries and attentions fall on him may become jealous and insecure of their own children . It is not that they think that their wife will stop loving them for the baby's arrival, but they may feel displaced, as if they are not taken into account. All this will also depend on the woman's behavior towards him.
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Sometimes it is true that with the arrival of the baby, the mother becomes so obsessed with wanting to do everything well that she does not delegate responsibilities, and despite being exhausted, she takes care of everything. The result is a mother exhausted and in a bad mood, and a dislocated father, who does not know what his new role is or how to collaborate.

WHEN IS THE PARENT MORE LIKELY TO BE JEALOUS OF THE CHILD?

When the father is insecure and has low self-esteem. Men with this profile may feel that the woman is going to stop loving them over time. They may feel ignored and useless. After a birth, the female body is still a hormone pump, so the mood swings , irritability, lack of sleep, continuous fatigue and overwhelm that the mother can feel, will make the couple think that they are getting tired of the.

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The arrival of the baby can distance the couple instead of uniting it

More common is when the mother's partner is not the biological father of the child . In these cases the woman has to go with feet of lead because it will be more likely that the man sits in the background. It is important that she makes him understand that he needs it at all times for the care of the baby.

On the other hand, if fatherhood was something that caught by surprise, the father is more inclined to feel jealous of the baby, in the sense that they associate the child with the aim of leisure, sex and all kinds of rewarding activities. It is more common in men somewhat immature or a little selfish (but this does not mean they are bad people). You have to be aware of the little one 24 hours a day, be asleep or awake, it also becomes the center of all conversations between both.

It also happens that the father suddenly finds himself spending a Saturday at the supermarket buying diapers. And being aware of how much your life has changed in such a short time is a hard blow for them. Many tend to take refuge at work by extending their hours and doing overtime, they can say that it is because they need more money now that there are three, but the other reality is that they are overwhelmed.

WHAT SHOULD THE COUPLE DO TO RESOLVE THE SITUATION?

Both the father and the mother can do a lot to find a solution:

Communication first.

You have to talk to each other and express your feelings with all sincerity, being very specific and clear about what is wrong with the behavior of the other person, but without directly judging, his behavior. It is not the same to say "Yesterday you did this, you behaved in a selfish way" (something concrete that does not have to be repeated) to "You are an egoist" (personality characteristic that is more difficult to change). It is important that you express yourself but with all the respect of the world, without offending the other person.

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Having more loving discussions with each other.

Now more than ever is when your partner needs you to love him more , to tell him how much you love him, even if you do not share as many moments together as before. Offer to do things for the other, give a little surprise or just a kiss before leaving home. Those little details end up making a difference.

Find moments for you.

If the time and the money allow it to you. Occasionally make a plan together, even if it's only a couple of hours.

Do not neglect sex .

It sounds easy right? Well, not at all. After delivery and especially during the first weeks, the woman is not usually especially receptive, rather the contrary, the demands of the baby and the accumulated fatigue make sex that great unknown. In this sense men should not put pressure on their partner, they have to accept that the situation has changed and sex as well. But that does not mean that it has to disappear, but that you have to find other moments in which both are more prone and in a better mood.

If you are the mother, try to have your partner participate in the care of the baby.

Men often feel jealous of the baby but sometimes also of the mother because they feel excluded from the relationship. It is an ambiguous feeling. Ask for help, delegate responsibilities, do not want to do it all by yourself. In this way, you will involve the father in the family dynamic and also your body and mind will thank you.

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If you are the father, make an effort to get involved in the child's care .

If you do not see yourself capable at least take care of the house, when a baby arrives at a house there is always something that can be done: clean, put the washing machine, make the food ... make excuses! Find out, read books or articles about fatherhood and show your partner how much you know about it. You can also talk with other parents about how they manage to care for the little ones. Sharing experiences among parents is very enriching and you can let off steam with others who are in your same situation.

Go to a professional.

If you see that the situation is overflowing you go to a psychologist or another type of professional who can advise you. A large percentage of couples end up separating a year after the birth of the first child. It is a very delicate stage that we should not let go.