Everyone makes mistakes, especially when it involves the ones they love.
According to the old sayings, "Love conquers all", "Love will prevail", "Love is valued above all else" or "The Greatest Duty is the one of the Heart". Yet, why is that not to be this day?
Alistair Theirin, Grey Warden and last remaining heir of King Maric had been voted and now recognized as the new King with Arl Eamon as his Regent. Fellow Grey Warden, Dalish Elven borne, Lunnaya Mahariel was appointed as his General. As ready as she was to support her companion to fulfilling his birthright, what came after took her completely by surprise.
Throughout their journey, a bond of friendship had developed between Alistair and Lunnaya. As time wore on, that friendship had blossomed into love. Of course, some of their traveling companions had not approved. However, their love for one another grew on them, especially when it came to Wynne, Morrigan, Roland and Raziel.
Upon being anointed as King, Alistair, having had been hardened from his encounter with Goldana had decided that it best he ended his relationship with his fellow Warden. He hadn't wanted to, yet he felt indebted to those who now followed him. Thus, making the choice for the 'good' and 'future' of Fereldan. Whether it was his own pride talking or his general concerns for the Kingdom, he had decided to end his relationship with his beloved.
As soon as the Teyrns, Nobles and the rest of the audience from had been DE-briefed and dismissed, Alistair rejoined his fellow companions at Arl Eamon's Estate where they awaited him. His heart drummed in his chest in anticipation on what had to come to pass. The thought of not having her by his side pierced him like a dagger. Why did this have to be? Whatever it is, it had to be done now, or it will never come to pass.
With a deep breath, he pushed open the door to the main dining room. Everyone looked up towards him, some smiled while others either maintained their stoic features or mainly just studied his posture. Lunnaya, having been waiting in earnest welcomed with open arms as she usually did. This made his heart clench even more as he couldn't bear to see her hurt. Why did he need to do this?
"We... need to talk," his features were grave and his usual posture of goofiness no where to be found. This stopped the moonlight-haired elf in her tracks, her cheerful smile replaced with a kind one, "I'm not going to question why you made me King, but... Being King, it raises some questions. Questions about us."
"What sort of questions?," she tilted her head to the side inquisitively, "It doesn't need to impact on us at all."
"You don't think so?... Maybe you're right, but I've thought of almost nothing else since the Landsmeet," he released a harsh breath he had not realized he'd been witholding before he continued, " First, there's the fact that both you and I are both Grey Wardens. It's just a question of obligation, but of blood. You... know that Grey Wardens don't usually live to become old, right?"
It was now Lunnaya's turn to release a breath that she had not realized that she had been holding, "Yes, I am aware of that," Her posture was uneasy, stiffening as her heart now drummed in her chest in anticipation on what Alistair was getting at. This however did not go unnoticed by the others, especially by Wynne and Roland. "How would that affect anything? Affect us?"
"As King, I would be required to have a child, even more so as my death is assured. That's assuming someone with the taint can or even should have a child," his tone was harsh, harsher than either of them had ever heard him. Maker knows why? Why now ?
She couldn't believe she was hearing this, but she knew she had to keep herself from crumbling, "Don't Grey Wardens have children of their own?"
"Not with each other. Even one parent having tainted blood means having children is not recommended. All the Grey Wardens I knew with children had them before they joined the Order. I will need to find a wife. One who can bear a child, who will live to raise it," he looked away from her, "I don't relish it. I will have a duty as the King..." he took a step towards her, "I love you, more than I ever thought possible... but, I have to face what this means. I can't... run away from it anymore."
Lunnaya's very being was shaking now. Why? Why do this to her after all they had been through. In the background, Morrigan, Wynne and Ser Gilmore fidgeted ready to catch her in case she fell, but Leliana, Zevran and Oghren held them back. Raziel stood up from where he lay by Sten's feet and began to growl in Alistair's direction, "Warrrior, stand down." Sten's voice had been low yet firm as to not add to the already intense atmosphere being emitted in the room.
The mabari kept his gaze on Alistair, his growl reduced to snarl at Sten's command. Apart from his Mistress, Lunnaya, Sten and Wynne were the only other two he would listen to. He did listen to Alistair for a time, yet on this day, all he cared about was defending his Mistress, his savior.
"Are you ... saying that .. we...we can't be together," her world was crumbling, yet she tried to stand firm. No matter how hard the wind howls, the mightiest tree will always stand firm. That was her pledge, her pledge as a Dalish Hunter. She promised herself and her companions, after they buried Tamlen that she would not cry. Not till this Blight was over. Yet, her body was gradually succumbing to her emotions. Weakness, as Morrigan often called it.
"Yes... I... I guess I am. I could see it becoming very hard to tear myself away from you. Impossible even, " he could see her face, shivering from pain and grief. It pains him to no end, yet he has to see it through," If this is what must be, then... then I have to do it now. I'm sorry."
Alistair bowed his head before her, clearly ashamed by his deed. He didn't dare look at her or the others for he knew that they looked at him with disdain. By the Maker, he knew what he was doing was wrong. Wrong, yet his new found pride would not let him undo what he just did. The deed was done.
"Is.. Is this revenge for ... making you king?" her soft features now turned hard as she glared at him with tears brimming beneath her eyelids.
"No, of course not. I said I understand why you decided what you did, and I do," he tried to walk towards her, only for her to step back towards Roland and Oghren, "But at the same time, I cannot avoid what that entails."
"I'm sorry it came to this, Alistair," the first streaks of tears emerged on her face. At the sight of this, Alistair's heart broke, knowing that he had broken hers as well.
"I'm sorry, too," he turned to leave knowing full well that he needed to be alone to re-compose himself, "I... need to go back to the camp... Be by myself for a while... Arl Eamon has left for Redcliffe. He says the army has gathered there and he's almost ready to march....As soon as we are ready, we should head to Redcliffe ourselves. The Blight awaits right?"
"Don't... don't bother," she yelled at him finally, "I'll leave. I bid you and your future spouse well, My King !"
The next thing everyone knew, she bolted from the room followed by Raziel. Lunnaya fled out of the front door and out of Denerim. She went to the only place where she could recuperate, her little haven apart from the camp. Alistair only hung his head in shame. Especially now that everyone else were still in the room. He had just dumped his love, their esteemed leader and now he is faced with their wrath.
Only then did Leliana, Oghren and Zevran release the others. All were fuming by what they had just witnessed. The nerve of Alistair. Sten was the first to look upon him.
"It would appear that you have alot of backbone human," the tall Qunari's eyes gleamed as he looked upon Alistair's hardened ochre ones, "You would have made an excellent Qunari, albeit a stupid one." He had nothing else to say to the human who had aided their leader who he deemed as 'Kadan'. His actions today were pitiful and cowardly at best. Sten then left the room heading towards his assigned room.
"You sodding son of a nug-licker. Here I thought you knew how to treat women," the fiery-headed old Dwarf could barely keep his Berserker rage from being unleashed. He held great pride for their esteemed leader, who had been nothing but understanding and forgiving towards them all. With her and their companions, he had found another family, one even better than the one he could have had with Branka, "I may be just a drunken old Dwarf, but I know a thing or two about loving women."
Without another word, he left with Zevran and Leliana in tow. Both rogues merely glared at him. Words could not express the depths of their anger towards the now soon King-to-be of Fereldan. If either had their way, either one of them would have his throat slit there and then. Yet, they loved and respected their leader far too much to take Alistair's life. It would hurt them more to lose her friendship than to take someone's life.
Jowan, despite being the only blood mage of the group was tempted to use his magic torture Alistair. However, all it took was a disapproving glance from Wynne and Morrigan that he too stormed out joining Zevran and Leliana in the library. He knew that Alistair and Wynne didn't approve of him and his abilities at first, yet, he like Sten was indebted to Lunnaya for providing them a chance for redemption. Gradually, he and the others got along just fine, especially with the two rogues.
"Alistair, of all the idiotic things you could have done... this tops it all off," Morrigan's posture looked composed yet much venom was poured into her words, "You... do not deserve my sister."
Yes, to Morrigan, Lunnaya was practically a sister she could have only dreamed of having. Unlike anyone else, Lunnaya cared for her as though she had been a fellow clan-mate. While others saw her with scorn at first, the Dalish woman stood by as a true friend would and it had been her who first referred to her as 'sister'. She knew where her adoptive kin had gone and was determined to follow her, yet not without Wynne and Ser Gilmore.
At the Wild Witch's words, Alistair visibly flinched and his breathing caught. The woman was not wrong, at this moment her words wrung true. He did not deserve the love the Dalish Warden gave him so readily and so freely. Not after he had practically cut out her heart and chucked it back at her.
However the worst was yet to come. As soon as Morrigan left the room, a flying fist grazed his cheek and an elbow into his gut.
Alistair could have avoided it yet he didn't. He accepted it and staggered backwards hunched over as he looked upon the soldier from Highever and passed him to look at the disapproving looks of his favorite mage, Wynne.
Ser Roland Gilmore was at his wits end. Like Alistair and practically nearly all of the males around their age had been mesmerized by Lunnaya's compassion, her exotic beauty, her constant cheerfulness and most of all her strength as a leader. Yet beneath all of that, some would find it hard to remember that she was also a woman. A dalen forced to grow up under new circumstances to fight against her illness and now the Blight.
"I had such respect of you, Alistair," the red-headed knight loomed over him his gaze hard and menacing, "King or not, she didn't deserve the treatment you had just given her. I can't believe that I allowed myself to back away just because she had chosen you over me."
"Me over you?" the blonde prince looked up at the other warrior, "What in the Maker's name do you mean?"
"Figure it out, for yourself. The witch was right, Lunnaya deserves better than you,"Roland looked back towards Wynne who nodded back indicating for him to wait for her. He nodded his head and walked away.
Step back?What did he mean?
As though he had been hit with a boulder from an Ogre did realization hit him. Ser Gilmore, too had been in love with the Dalish Warden as well. No wonder, he had insisted in accompanying them everywhere they went on their missions. He himself had been a lucky man, yet he chose to leave her. All for the sake of duty and pride.
"Alistair," the elder mage spoke and he looked towards her, "I am completely ashamed of you. I thought it wrong at first about you two being together all because of this. For a time, I admit I had been wrong, seeing the love that bloomed between the both of you, despite the affection she received from Leliana, Zevran and Ser Gilmore. Yet now I'm not so sure."
She took a step towards him and he looked towards his feet. Of all the people he didn't want to disappoint, it had been her. Alistair throughout their journey, highly respected Wynne and took her advice very seriously. He really did it now.
"Wynne, I..." the words wouldn't come out as nothing he would or could say would change things at present.
"Alistair, I speak to you now, not as a companion but as an elder. If you truly care about her, you would try and rectify this," her gaze was firm and assertive. Though not harsh, it stung harder than the pain in his gut and cheek, "Yes the Blight is upon us, yet that does not give you the right to trample on love as though it were nothing. I've been through it, and I do not wish it to happen to others. Let alone, Lunnaya," as though to prepare for the final blow over him, she paused and walked passed him, "Please remember, that while she is our leader and a Grey Warden. She is also a woman, who has given up much for our cause."
Accompanied by Ser Gilmore and Morrigan, Wynne followed Lunnaya's tracks. There was only one place she would go. Thus, leaving Alistair to retreat to the camp as he had intended.
Once at the camp, instead of heading into his tent Alistair sat by the unlit campfire. In the horizon, the sun slowly receded making way for the first few stars. The Grey Warden warrior took this as a sign to light the fire. From a flicker, the flame eventually grew. Automatically, he picked up a few logs to feed the flames. One by one, he tossed them into the growing embers.
As he did so, he recalled what had occurred a few hours ago.
"I'm such a fool. Why did I do that to her?" he asked himself.
Yes, they were both Grey Wardens yet that was no excuse to break her heart. He loved her didn't he? Was it not her who taught him to believe in himself? She believed in him, yet this is how he repaid her.
Gazing into the dancing flickers of the campfire before him, Alistair's eyes grew heavy. Heavy with guilt, shame and hurt. What should he do? "Duncan, Tamlen, what should I have done?" those words escaped his lips as he finally dozed off.
As soon as his eyes closed, Alistair found himself in the Fade. Before him he saw lake, much like Lake Calenhad yet it wasn't. He stood staring at the lake watching as the wind blew waves against it making it shimmer in the moonlight. However he wasn't alone. Cautiously he looked behind him. There, in the flesh were Duncan and Tamlen. He could scarcely believe it.
"Duncan, is that really you?" Alistair looked towards him in disbelief.
"Yes, Alistair... or should I say, your highness," the older Rivaini man bowed towards the younger Grey Warden who bent over to stop him.
"Please Duncan, that isn't necessary. I should be bowing to you."
"Maybe so, but you can't change who you are. I wouldn't be able to face your father or mother otherwise," Duncan smiled at him, "both are still living by the way."
"My parents are alive? How ?" Alistair staggered back, it couldn't be.
"That's not important, shemlen," Tamlen stepped forward, donning a stern face, "How dare you hurt my sister, my childhood clan-mate... My First Love?! I trusted you!"
"Tamlen... I ... I'm sorry....I've failed you... I've failed you both," the young prince knelt before them, "What am I supposed to do? My duty is to Fereldan, to rebuild it as their King. I would be selfish to deprive the kingdom of an heir."
"Is it for Fereldan or your pride, Alistair?" the older Grey Warden knelt and placed his hand over Alistair's shoulder, "Are you sure that's what your brother would have wanted?"
"Cailan? what does he have to do with this?" the younger Warden glanced upwards to the two other men.
"Everything little brother, please do not repeat my mistake," Cailan's voice pleaded to Alistair when he emerged from behind Tamlen, "As much as I loved Anora, I too was willing to cast her aside to marry Empress Celene of Orlais to secure an alliance between our nations."
"What? That can't be right..." Alistair felt his jaw drop as Cailan knelt beside Duncan. That had been the first brotherly instance between them.
"Unfortunately it is true. A common trait between you Theirin men. Your father had to make that same sacrifice as soon as you were conceived, Alistair," Duncan closed his eyes in grief and melancholy. A wave of nostalgia came over him recalling how his friend the Grey Warden Fiona had given up her son, Alistair to King Maric under a false identity in order to keep him safe.
"He, he did? I ... didn't know? That means... Goldanna ... she wasn't," Alistair began, but could not complete the statement.
"She's not related to us at all, brother. Duncan, may I tell him?" Cailan uncharacteristically gathered his younger brother in his arms for the first time. This would most likely be the first and last opportunity he could do so.
Duncan sighed and nodded. Alistair had the right to know, even if his mother didn't want him to. It was better this way.
"Your mother, Alistair, was the Grey Warden Fiona. An elf mage."
A wave of silence engulfed them. Even Tamlen was bewildered. This Human was half-Elven. Alistair pushed his older brother away.
"No, a Grey Warden... but, why didn't Arl Eamon tell me? Duncan, why didn't I know?" his eyes pleaded to his mentor, his brother and Lunnaya's clan-mate.
"Your father and I swore an oath to your mother, that was why. I'm so sorry, Alistair," it was Duncan's turn to hang his head , "Could you ever forgive me, Alistair? Forgive us for keeping this from you?"
Confusion filled his mind. His pride wanted him to lash out, yet the new found love he had for his brother and the respect he had from Duncan held him back. How could he not forgive them, especially now that he knew the truth?
"Only, if you could forgive me, for being so blind. Especially for denying myself and the one I loved of what truly is important," tears streamed down his face now as he glanced upwards to the other men.
"You are forgiven, Alistair," Tamlen smiled kneeling beside Cailan, " Just promise me that you will love her for me."
"I... I will... Tamlen," he nodded towards the Dalish man and then towards Duncan and Cailan, "I will make you all proud."
"We know you will," Duncan smiled and crossed his arms bowing along with Cailan and Tamlen as they faded.
Alistair woke with a start. He was back at camp, sitting by the campfire. It was day time now and safer to make his way to the only place Lunnaya would go for solace. The hidden cottage behind the waterfall on the outskirts of Denerim. A place they had chanced upon after their mission in the Brecillian Forest. It became a safe haven and alternative resting spot apart from the camp.
"Ah... there you are your highness," Bodahn's voice chirped as he and Sandal walked up to him wheeling their supply cart with them, "the others at the estate wondered where you'd been all night. Some are already on their way to the cottage."
"Hello," Sandal waved to Alistair as he got up.
"Hello Bodahn, Sandal. Are you both also headed to the cottage?" Alistair inquired, eager to head over as soon as possible.
"Why yes, we are. We have just re-stocked our supplies for the journey to Redcliffe. Can't fight the Darkspawn without weapons and potions now can you?" Bodahn smiled at Alistair and passed him some bread with cheese. There was no doubt that the young man hadn't eaten at all since the day before.
"Would you by any chance have any rings for sale?"a silly question, yet there was no harm in hoping.
"Rings? of course, what kind would you like? Sandal would you please get me the box from that red chest over there?" Bodahn nodded with a cheerful smile plastered on his face.
"An engagement ring preferably," the young man now nervously rubbed the back of his neck as Sandal returned with the said box.
"Ah, I did hear that you are soon to be King, ser. Congratulations, and to the lucky lady as well. I wish you both all the happiness in the world," the smile on older dwarf was contagious as a smile grew on Alistair's face.
"Thank you, my friend. I hope that you will be there for the ceremony after the Blight is over, " Alistair finally chose a silverite ring which encircled around an emerald like vines. It completely reminded him of her. He passed it to Bodahn to show what he had chosen and completed his purchase.
"Most definitely, your highness. It will be an honor," Bodahn bowed, so did Sandal. It felt a bit awkward yet Alistair shrugged it off.
The three of them arrived at the cottage by late afternoon. It was probably a good thing to recuperate there before marching into battle. However, more importantly, it was an ideal setting to mend broken bridges. Thankfully, they arrived before Oghren and Zevran. Otherwise, Alistair was so sure his goose would have been cooked right about now.
Bodahn and Sandal brought in a crate of food and began preparing a meal for the party. Preparing himself, prodded through the corridors towards the room he had shared with Lunnaya. He knocked as soon as he arrived and Wynne answered the door.
"Alistair, what are you doing here?" the older woman opened the door wider, "we thought that you had gone to Redcliffe by now."
"I fell asleep... at camp...I ..." he breathed and knelt before her, "please, may I see her. I... would like to apologize."
"Oh no you don't. After what you've done to her, I wouldn't let you even near her, " Morrigan appeared beside the elder mage and talked in a hushed voice.
"She's finally managed to sleep after crying all night," she ushered Wynne, and Roland out of the room while Raziel laid at the foot of the bed keeping watch.
"Alistair, I warn you. If you wish to hurt her any more I would challenge you to a duel," Roland clenched his fist, "If you weren't going to be King and the one Lunnaya loved, I would have killed you."
"I ... I understand and I apologize. I shouldn't have done that to her, I know that now," he paused and gazed at his companions genuinely as tears now flowed from his eyes.
"How do we know that for sure?" Morrigan piped harshly in defense of her best friend, "I should really zap you into a frog like you yourself suggested months ago back in the Korcari Wilds."
"Calm down you two, we're all exhausted and bitter from what happened. I suggest we let him speak his piece and then we decide," Wynne then led them to her room where they seated themselves on the couch with Alistair sitting opposite them on a lone chair.
"I'm not proud of what I had done to her and I understand now that I have done a great injustice, especially to you Roland. I took away your chance of being with her. I see that now," he bowed his head towards them, "Would you? Could you all ever forgive me and allow the chance to make this right?"
"I had planned to take this opportunity to claim her for myself," Roland scratched his chin as his eyes challenged Alistair's, "But... I allow you this chance to make amends," he paused as Alistair showed a brief sign of relief, "However, if you hurt her again... I will take action against you."
"I... I understand. Thank you, Roland," the blonde Grey Warden nodded and tapped his fist across his chest to represent his pledge.
"What? Are you even remotely serious Ser Gilmore? Wynne?" The dark-haired witch shifted her gaze from the older Circle mage to the Highever knight who shared firm and assertive looks on their faces, "Ugh... fine.... Alistair, if you even remotely care or even love Lunnaya. Don't ever do this again." In a huff Morrigan left for her room.
"Well now, each of us have relayed our views. But know this Alistair, as much as we respect you as our soon to be King, we will not stand by and allow this to happen again. Are we clear?" Wynne stood and crossed the room towards Alistair placing a hand on his shoulder, "Now, go to her. Rectify this."
The young man hid his face in his hands in gratitude towards the older woman and the knight sitting across him. He gave Wynne a hug, something that usually Lunnaya would do with him and her other companions. It was a pleasant yet awkward surprise which made the elder chuckle.
Now was the moment of truth, would she accept him now? Would she love him enough to take him back? His feet shivered in his boots, his body trembled causing his armor to rattle like a rattle snake and his palms were sweaty. It was now or never.
Quietly he entered their room, she was still sound asleep. At the foot of the bed, Raziel her mabari was snoring away on his back with a hind paw in the air. Gingerly he removed his armor piece by piece. He took his time, making sure he didn't disturb her slumber. Now clad in just trousers and a loose shirt which he found in the closet, he sat beside her sleeping form.
"Lunnaya, I know... that I'm probably the last person you'd wish to see right now. I don't blame you," his back was towards her. Despite what had transpired between them mere hours ago, he wasn't ready to gaze upon her. Not her with her tear-stricken malachite shamed eyes or bear to touch her soft starlight glazed hair, "I have failed you. I failed our friends. I failed Cailan and most of all, I have failed Duncan and Tamlen. I broke the promise I made when we buried Tamlen's body that night."
Unbeknownst to the man sitting beside her, Lunnaya had been awake as soon as he had entered the chambers. Luckily he hadn't noticed. Growing up as a Dalish Hunter had allowed her to control her breathing and even the slightest of body movements. A handy trait when hunting in order to remain undetected by her prey or by potential enemies.
"My love, if you would give me a second chance. A chance you readily gave to many of our companions regardless of their first intentions towards you. I would not let you go..."she could hear his breath go ragged , he was crying, "Damn them all... If they want to make me King, then I'll be King... And... I'll do exactly what I want to do... I was such an idiot for breaking your heart."
Lunnaya felt him shift towards her, embracing her from behind as he had always done when they slept together. His forehead placed upon her back as he whispered to her, "Could you ever forgive me, my Lunnaya? I ask you now, will you marry me?"
At those words, she turned facing him. Her eyes wet with tears. Tears of joy and relief, above all... tears of Love, "Alistair, I already have. Ma vhenan." She touched her forehead against his and placed a kiss upon each of his tear-stricken eyes.
"Then will you accept this ring as proof as my proposal," he reached into his pocket to reveal the ring he had purchased from Bodahn earlier.
"When... when did you?" she looked upon the lovely piece of jewelery in awe at it's beauty. Alistair took this chance to slip the ring onto her ring finger.
"That is not important, Vhenan. What is though, is that I made a new promise to Tamlen, Cailan and Duncan. Never again will I leave your side. I love you, that's all that matters right now," Gently he lowered his lips against hers which she welcomed readily.
"I love you too, Alistair. King of my heart," her willing arms wrapped around him returning his kiss gratefully.
Below the bed, Raziel gave a snort but showed no indication he had been awake. Not that the reunited lovers had noticed nor minded. Just outside, peeking through a small crack of the door were the others. All were relieved and glad for their reconciliation and quietly shut the door behind them to provide some privacy.
"Well then, looks like Love saved the day once again. It's really romantic, minus the bumps along the way," Leliana whispered to whomever was listening.
"Quite so my friend. Though I would so have relished allowing him to converse with my dagger. Though alas, that was not to be. Now, let's go prepare while we still have this leeway before we march into battle, yes?" Zevran pipped in softly heading towards the living room.
"Aye, I will drink to that. Let's get going before I decide to stay and watch," Oghren smirked indecently following the Antivan elf towards the living room.
One by one, the others dispersed preparing for the upcoming battle. Thus none noticed 3 lingering spirits of the 3 men who were most important to both Alistair and Lunnaya hover by the door. Their task was now done and it was up to the remaining two Grey Wardens to build a better future for Fereldan. With one last approving glance towards the couple the three dissipated into the air. Love had successfully triumphed over Pride and Duty.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Dragon Age characters nor the setting
Author's note:
Thank you all for dropping by and reading this fanfiction of mine.
I understand that it is rather lengthy, but I'm working on it.
I added several spoilers as well as several OOC scenes, however
if you think about it. Everyone would be out of character under
certain or unforseen circumstances.
Have a a great day and wishing everyone all the best.
Luna Mairin