sisu chapter 4

Chapter 4
As soon as his heart began to beat again, it started running as if chased by a pack of blood thirsty Orcs.
He was here.
Bilbo watched as if in slow motion as Gandalf opened his little round door to reveal the face of hs greatest heartache. Suddenly, as if transferred into a memory all Bilbo could see was Thorin’s bloody face, cold and pale, one last painful smile upon his lips as the king stared up at him and delivered his last, bittersweet words to Bilbo's unwilling ears.
“Go back to your books, your fireplace. Plant your trees, watch them grow. If more of us valued home above gold, it would be a merrier world”
“Bilbo”
He was pulled out of his grim musingings by Gandalf. He hastily stood up from his chair and detimintly pushed his feelings aside, now was not the time.
“Yes, my apologies master Gandalf. I'm afraid i was lost in thought” well it was true enough. Gandalf gave him a calculating look but let it pass.
“This is Thorin oakenshield, the leader of our company” Gandalf introduced with awave of his hand. Thorin raised an eyebrow at the Hobbit, clearly unimpressed.
“So this is the Hobbit? He looks more like a grocer than a burglar.” the king commented shrewdly. Though at the moment Bilbo was more concerned with the erratic behavior of his heart then Thorin's current opinion of him.
“A good burglar never really looks the part do they?” Bilbo asked rhetorically. If he kept talking then he wouldn't think and the less thinking he did the better off he, and everyone else, was.
“No, i suppose not” Thorin answered slowly before turning his attentions back to Gandalf.
“Gandalf, i thought you said this place would be easy to find? I lost my way. Twice.”
The old wizard looked more amused then sorry. Which didn't surprise Bilbo one bit. He looked around himself and realized that everyone else had filtered in from the dining room by now.
“Well, never mind that now. I’m sure you’re hungry, there should still be some food left in the dining room” Bilbo shoot a look at the other Dwarfs, as if to say there had better be. Thorin nodded at him and the Baggins lead the way into to the dining room and put together a plate of ham, squash casserole and the last bit of blackberry cobbler. He remembered Balin once telling him that the king had a weakness for all things blackberry and if the way Thorin's eyes lit up was any indication, Balin had been right.
“My thanks, master Hobbit” Thorin murmured gratefully as he sat down.
Bilbo nodded at him and made his way to the back of the room, where his thought finally consumed him.
Death. As far as the eye could see. Hundreds of bodies of all kinds littered the battle field, painting the air red with blood, there rotting flesh making the air smell putrid with death and lingering fear but all Bilbo could see was the, cold unmoving, face of his king. Tears still streamed down his dirt and blood covered face but he paid them no mind, simply staring down into the lifeless eyes of the one he had so desperately tried to save.
“-do not have the skill to find it but there are others in middle earth who can”
He couldn't help but think that if he had handheld thing differently then maybe he’d still be alive. Maybe Fili and Kili would still be alive but he had failed them. Failed, failed, failed…
“-lbo? Bilbo!”
Bilbo looked up.
“Yes?”
“Are you sure you’re quite alright?” Gandalf inquired with a half concerned half suspicious look.
“Oh yes, i’m fine master Gandalf. Now what where you saying?” Bilbo tried to direct the conversation back to the matter at hand, he didn't want the wizard to think too much on his suspicious behavior.
“We were just discussing your part in our adventure, if you do decide to come with us” Balin answered this time.
“The wizard seems sure of your abilities as our burglar but the rest of us do not agree.” Thorin put, staring at Bilbo with a look of obvious doubt.
“Well i suppose that's to be expected, none of you have seen my abilities for yourself. All i can say in my own defense is that hobbits are remarkably quick on our feet and you would have to be an Elf to hear us when we want to go unheard.” Bilbo shot back lightly as he stared down at the all to familiar map.
The Dwarfs murmured amongst themselves. Gandalf smiled down at him, pleased with his words. It was refreshing to see his old friend smiling again, it felt like it had been much too long since he had last seen it.
Bilbo knew that, despite his words of assurance, the only way his Dwarfs would believe him would be to see his skills for themselves and since that would be quite awhile, Bilbo would have to find some other way to prove himself.
“If you decide to join my company i will try my best to watch over you, same as the rest but i cannot guarantee your safety or life.” Thorin finally announced matter-of-factly.
Bilbo nodded along with the kings words, for he fully agreed with them.
“I would never ask you to put your life ahead of my own nor would i ask you to put my life ahead of any in your company.” he agreed.
“Bilbo! You shouldn't throw your life around so carelessly! That kind of self sacrificing attitude is dangerous” Gandalf reprimand firmly
Maybe that would have worked the first time but Bilbo had known the meddlesome goat for much too long to be scared that easily.
“No Gandalf, it's not me being self sacrificing just simply logical, i’m a no name Hobbit from a place half the creatures in Middle Earth don’t even know exist. I have no spouse or child nor am i especially important, even here. Master Thorin on the other hand is a king who is trying to reclaim his kingdom from a dragon and lead his people, he needs to see this through to the end. His life matters more than mine ” he countered just as firmly
Gandalf looked as if he wanted to say more on the issue but let it be for now.
His Dwarfs however looked impressed and taken aback at his admision, like they didn't know what to make of him anymore.
“Balin, give him the contract to look over” Thorin said briskly with a strange look as he stared at the Hobbit. Bilbo resisted the urge to squirm.
Balin did as told and handed him the contract.
Bilbo took the contract and walked into the sitting room, he made it appear as if he was reading it over when in fact he was thinking of how to get the sackville Baggins to leave Bag End alone while he was away.
“Well that seems to be in order then.” he announced once he felt like he had been staring at it for long enough. He grabbed a quill and ink pot from a side table and wondered back into the dining room to stuned looks, well except for Gandalf who just looked smug.
“I’ve been wasting away in this hole for long enough, i could do with a nice adventure.” he said as way of explanation.
He dipped his quill into the ink pot and signed his name with a flourish next to KIlis signature.
There was no going back now, the adventure had begun.