In June of that year, I found myself pregnant again, with surprises and concerns.
At that time, my daughter was just 6 years old. I also thought about having another baby to accompany them, but there were a series of considerations such as child rearing and career development. And just as I struggled and hesitated, a seed had quietly taken root, and it felt a little bit of a win.
Compared to the surprise and expectation of my lover, I have mixed tastes, but soon, the joy and sweetness of being a mother again let me let go of all the hesitation and entanglement, and began to look forward to this little life.
However, at this time, we don't know anyone. The expecting angel baby has slowly shown his face, and I am still carefully guarding the "devil".
A large brown object fell out of my body
Everything was caught off guard. I found that after about two weeks of pregnancy, I felt a bit abnormal. The abdomen often felt falling and it was faintly painful. When driving on the road, I will feel a slight pain in my stomach with occasional bumps.
Soon brown secretions appeared. She went to the hospital and went to the obstetrics and gynecology department. She tested routine pregnancy tests such as progesterone and human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) values. The results showed that progesterone was low and hCG was normal. The doctor diagnosed a threatened miscarriage due to low progesterone and prescribed me progesterone and ordered me to stay in bed for two weeks.
I went to the hospital and went to the obstetrics and gynecology department. The doctor diagnosed that I had a threatened abortion, prescribed medicine, and ordered me to stay in bed.
At the end of June, I didn't dare to blow the air conditioner. I was lying on the bed every day, accompanied by boredom and worry. And every time I go to the bathroom, I am very nervous. If the brown secretion becomes less, my heart will be more secure, and if it becomes more, my heart will sink. I often talk to "Baby" silently in my heart: Baby, come on, work hard to become stronger, mom and dad are looking forward to seeing you.
Everything seems so heartbreaking today.
For a week or so in bed, my secretions were up and down, and my heart went up and down. The pain in my stomach became more and more obvious, until one day, obvious blood appeared, my lover was on a long business trip, and I was flustered. I urgently asked a friend to accompany me to the hospital. After the blood test, the progesterone is still low, hCG is normal, and the B-ultrasound will be queued until next week. The doctor still ordered ambulatory care.
The pain of the belly became more and more obvious, and she was bleeding.
My lover came back to accompany me after finishing work early, and I continued to keep the tires, waiting for the B-ultrasound check a week later. During this period, the blood was increasing, in fact, I knew in my heart that everything was irreversible. Just one night, I went to the bathroom and suddenly bleed, and then a big brown object fell off.
We all thought that the fetus had left us and that was all over, but it was only just beginning.
There was no miscarriage, but it became a "demon" in the stomach
Finally it was the B-ultrasound inspection day, and while waiting in line for the inspection, I started bleeding again, and the volume was still relatively large. Lying on the examination bed, the doctor's surprised expression left my brain blank. She even called two other doctors for identification with the call system.
I heard them say that this is not the abdominal cavity after an abortion, but also that the abdominal cavity is full of something, some strange terms that make me nervous and afraid to come out. Finally, they solemnly told me that I would check the hCG tomorrow and re-examine the B-ultrasound. They said that I had no miscarriage. What fell out that day was just a huge blood clot. My uterus is now dense with trophoblast tumors, which is hydatidiform mole.
I heard doctors say this is not the abdominal cavity after an abortion.
Holding the test results, maybe the ignorant person is fearless. I first was surprisingly calm, and then I asked the husband for various information on moles, and the more I looked, the more I panicked.
The hCG was tested the next day. During the two hours of waiting, nothing could be done. Fear was accompanied by faint hope. After getting the test results, the hCG value was written as 380,000! What is the concept? In normal pregnancy, hCG peaks around 12 weeks, and the peak level is within 300,000. The test results meant that I had exceeded the peak.
The embryo I gave birth mutated and no longer developed in the normal direction, but turned into a tumor like grapes. Progesterone is low, while hCG has been maintained at a high level, in fact it is the embryo's trophoblasts that are frantically replicating. Every day, these cells are plundering the mother's support in large numbers, brutally expanding their power. And I, carefully holding the demon every day, protect it, pity it, and tell the softest love to it.
The embryo I gave birth mutated and no longer developed in the normal direction, but turned into a tumor like grapes.
Still bleeding, the doctor told me not to continue to obstetrics and gynecology, hurry up to the oncology department. After the oncologist received the consultation, I quickly contacted me for bed and surgery. Everything seems to have reached the urgency.
At this point I started bleeding heavily. The doctor said worriedly: "If you continue to have a lot of bleeding, you need emergency surgery, but you ca n’t use anesthetic when you have lunch today, otherwise there is a danger of suffocation during the operation, and hydatidiform mole removal surgery without anesthetic will be very painful If you can persist until tomorrow morning, you can use anaesthetics for palace surgery. "
Fortunately, after a wave of bleeding, I temporarily had a chance to catch my breath. That night, the doctor exceptionally allowed her husband to accompany the bed in order to find an emergency in a timely manner. That night, my husband was sitting next to the bed, holding my hands in both hands, silent, his heart's regret and guilt beyond words.
I took a short nap in fear and exhaustion. My daughter ’s cute smiley face was as bright as sunshine in the dream. I was so worried in my dream that she was so young and so cute. I was so heartbroken that I felt stuffy and woke up. Tears are coming.
Entering the operating room the next day, everything went smoothly. The doctor showed the tumor in the uterine cavity to her husband, and the husband took a picture of the apricot-sized, flesh-blooded thing. I just glanced at it and never wanted to see it again, so he quickly deleted it. The photo was deleted from the phone, but quietly remained in Apple's cloud system photo stream. Maybe this is a sign that the devil has not gone.
Malignant tumor, I am going to start chemotherapy
On the second day after surgery, hCG had dropped to 100,000. In the same ward, a bald woman in her 50s was doing chemotherapy, and she vomited a lot every night. It was pathetic. Four days later, I was discharged from hospital. Looking back on the experience of a month, I felt like a dream, and felt like I was born again. Walking on the road with my husband and chatting casually, I want to say that my health is good.
After six weeks, hCG will be tested at the hospital every Tuesday to observe the decline. The outpatient doctor was the young male doctor who was admitted to my hospital. Every time he easily told me, don't be nervous, the value dropped very normal. When we all thought that the nightmare was over, in the seventh week, the value rebounded, rising from 38 the previous week to 53. All the worries are back, the hidden demon is back, and it never let me go!
In the seventh week after Qing Palace, the hCG value rebounded, and the tumor was malignant.
Every subsequent inspection is a blow, every time I go with fantasy and hope, and return with a blow and fear. The eighth week is 60, and the ninth week is 81.7. Although the doctors have already started to worry about it, the diagnosis cannot be easily determined to be malignant. Care should be taken in choosing chemotherapy.
When looking at the data that rebounded for 4 consecutive weeks, doctors have basically confirmed that it is malignant. During this period, I also went to the Peking Union Medical College Hospital and turned to an expert in the field for a diagnosis of malignancy.
Week 10, hCG90. Began hospital chemotherapy after the National Day is scheduled.
In October, I cut my long hair for more than ten years, waiting for chemotherapy in hospital.
Endure the pain of chemotherapy and try to recover slowly
My attending doctor is the director of obstetrics and gynecology, and she has given me two courses of chemotherapy. She is very kind and kind of comforting. Tell me that it is okay, I will be OK, and I will have children later.
The first chemotherapy, which lasted for 6 days, started infusion at 9 am every day. The first was a liver-protective medicine, which caused great damage to liver function, then a large bag of chemotherapy drugs, and then the body-protective medicine, until 5 pm. Finish losing more points.
That little drop of potion ticks slowly during the long day, and sometimes I feel restless because of irritability. It is not only psychological irritability, but restlessness that the body cannot control. It makes you want Shouting but weak mania and anxiety.
At the end of the day, the back of the hand was very painful, and the needles remained on the back of the hand, waiting for the next day to infuse. By the next day, the entire wrist started to hurt, and then extended to the arm. The sharp pain was what impressed me most during the whole chemotherapy period.
Vein indwelling needle on back of hand
By the third day of chemotherapy, I started vomiting, my mouth ulcerated, and my arm became more and more unbearable. The director and doctor also encouraged me during rounds every day. They said that the chemotherapy drugs brought down both the good and the bad cells, and then they would give good cells nutrition to allow them to recover quickly, so that they could meet the next blow, bad cells Before you slow down, you will be knocked down again. What a popular explanation.
On the sixth day of chemotherapy, she was discharged immediately. I really want to go home, I want to see the children I haven't seen in a week. In mid-October in Beijing, the autumn wind leaves, and the ginkgo is golden. I was poorly resistant, wrapped in thick clothes, and still couldn't help shaking.
After returning home, my husband helped me wash my hair, but when I raised my eyes, I saw that the water surface was full of hair, and the goosebumps were all up instantly. During the visit to the community hospital to check the liver and white blood cells, everything was normal. Taking a variety of medicines every day basically protects the liver and improves immunity. Chemotherapy hurts the body too much.
I had two courses of chemotherapy, and the process was painful.
The second chemotherapy started two weeks later, hCG has dropped to more than 2 points, which is consolidation chemotherapy. This time the chemotherapy was 5 days. The pain is multiplying. From the next morning, severe nausea and vomiting began. Hair began to fall off obviously. The oral mucosa quickly ulcerated. The blood vessels around the two needles inserted into the back of the hand were darkened, and the blackness continued to spread to the arm. Many months after the end of chemotherapy, the blood vessels on the back of the hand slowly returned to normal color.
After the second chemotherapy, hCG has become normal. During the follow-up visit, the director told me with confidence: "You don't need chemotherapy, you are already well. Remember to check regularly!"
Needless to say, hCG is sometimes 0 and sometimes decimal, but in one review, the value suddenly reached the critical value of 5, and I was scared to death again. Fortunately, everything was normal.
Since then, I need to review hCG regularly.
It's been 6 years since the birth and death of the hydatidiform mole, and I'm fine.
For so many years, I have never dared to write a word about this disease and do not want to remember the pain, but today I still try to share this special experience with you. The pain and mental pressure cannot be simply expressed in words. I just lament that there will always be such hardships in life, and every time you think that it will be extremely difficult, there are even worse things happening. But we still have to work hard for the beauty that intersects.