“Hi Lynne sweetie, it’s Karla. I know we haven’t spoken in ages, well since we left prep school. Wow those were wild times weren’t they? Eighteen fifties Paris, wow, where do the years go? Anyway I’ve got a favour to ask. I’m sending my little brother over to see you because he needs some help and you know loads more about demonology and that witchy stuff than anyone I could think of. Anyway, got to go, my ride’s here, he should be with you in a couple of days, with his friend. Don’t worry, I know his friend is a werewolf but he’s nice really, once you get past the slight wet dog smell.”
Lynne looked at the answer phone in horror.
“Damn I need a drink,” she said to herself and walked back to the kitchen.
She opened the door to the walk in larder and smiled apologetically to the man. “Sorry, change of plan again; it’s been one of those days today. I really need another drink just now.”
Two hours later, Lynne sat in her living room feeling far too bloated. She hadn’t meant to drain the man, but once she started drinking she couldn’t stop. She again cursed Karla, for now she would have to go back out that night and find a new man to hang in her larder and then it would take a couple of days to detox him. She hated losing control, almost as much as having house guests, and this time, one would be a werewolf too. It would be months before she would be able to get her house clean again once they were gone. She had heard stories of Karla’s teenage brother and wasn’t impressed with the thought of meeting him. She hated teenagers with their disgusting habits and this one was bringing some pet dog with him.
Oliver drove the transit van off the ferry and joined the line of cars waiting to get through the English border control. Whistling to himself, he waited while he moved towards the front of the queue, his excitement at the adventure ahead barely held in check. Finally, a figure in uniform tapped on his driver’s door window. Oliver pressed the button to open it and handed over his passport with a wide grin.
“What’s in the back of the van?” The officer asked as he glanced at his watch.
“Just a vampire in his coffin, with an assortment of swords and other possessions befitting an evil creature of the night.” Oliver said; the grin still on his face.
For the first time, the officer looked up at Oliver’s smiling face.
“Why did I ask, what else would be in a white van from Transylvania?” The officer stood back and gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
Just as he was about to speak, a second officer walked up behind him. “Come on Pete, shift’s over unless you want overtime.”
The officer identified as ‘Pete’ gave a little grunt at Oliver before he turned around. “You don’t need to tell me twice. This guy has a vampire in the back, he’s all yours.”
With that, Pete walked off, leaving his colleague looking at a grinning Oliver.
“Well it’s not every day you start your shift with a vampire smuggler.” He said, returning Oliver’s grin. He indicated with a wave of his arm that Oliver should drive on. “Enjoy your stay, now move on Van Helsing.”
To be continued.
I love your humour in this story - it really adds a sparkle!
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Thank you, I try to keep the humour as much as a central part of the story as possible.
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Well I guess Lynne is a good gal, and Oliver is still a card. I love the subtle and direct humor.
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