Thot status: PATROLLED!

There are a couple of formatting issues here, namely paragraphs being bunched together without line breaks, but nothing story-breaking.

Prose-wise, the text tends to be clunky at times. Consider this:

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This is why the thots were able to destroy Earth, Chad thought, remembering his last view of Earth before the atmosphere caught fire, a lack of men willing to stand up to their thottery.

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There's a lot of information crammed into these sentences. I'd rewrite as such:

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Chad remembered his last view of Earth, of the atmosphere igniting and reducing the world to cinders. This is why the thots were able to destroy Earth. A lack of men willing to stand up to their thottery.

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The idea is to communicate one or two ideas per sentence. Any more and you're better off using multiple sentences instead.

For all that, this story was hilarious, and I look forward to your future works.