Praise Blob!

Deep in the Bowels of the Tiny Lister Memorial Arena – Post Clash IV…

“Watch your step Mr. Vastrix”, Dr. Summeroff snaps as the Cyborg Warrior almost trips on a pipe running across the floor.
At eye level, another pipe emits a spray of steam which almost catches Vastrix in the face. Abishag puts a hand on Vastrix’s shoulder which stops him in his tracks. The steam disperses harmlessly into the air.

Soon they come to a prepared room – hidden away and unknown to any except the present company. That company includes Abaddon, Abishag, Buzi and Janus. The high priests of the order.

“So Jeremiah, it seems you and Brother Abishag are now the Tag Teams Champions in this Wretched Federation…but make no mistake my cybernetically enhanced friend – there is only one Champion here. Abishag…AH! Cut your speaking! Do not talk!”

Buzi cuffs Vastrix on the back of the head. He turns and glares balefully.

“We would hate to see that thing in your head go off…wouldn’t we?”

The Order chuckles.

“Oh yes, we know all about what Mr. Mudcock did – giving you that explosive eye in your head…it doesn’t matter. No matter what Rupert does, the Order is always a step ahead. Jeremiah…did you know Rupert and even President McStrumps himself tried to have the Order destroyed…while Brock was in the wilderness oblivious to his true purpose…well it’s a story for another day. Needless to say that WE, Mr. Vastrix are your salvation. McStrumps and Mudcock are afraid…they see the order rising again. For some reason though – they wanted Abishag’s victory tonight…AH! Cut your speaking! Say nothing! It was Abishag’s victory and NO OTHER! Just remember WE TOO have the frequency that eye runs on and can decide to detonate it as well. Wouldn’t that be a terrible day should our directives and those of Rupert collide…”

Summeroff stops for a moment to scratch his balls. The room is hot and there’s too much humidity.

“Should have brought the powder…” he mumbles, then continues, “Jeremiah…WE can save you…but to do so, you must give yourself to the higher power that rules us all…The Chilean Blob. Only though his blobular folds can you find the key to unlock that explosive device in your head…Did you know, the Blob can parse the multi-verse, peel back the veils and the branes and see other realities? He showed me a vision of this place – this very Arena, being detonated by his essence alone – essence stolen by a mad man named Allen Anderson. Oh, how the Blob is angered by that name…which is why we are here. I don’t dare speak that name in his glorious presence. Well, when the entire town of Mt. Vernon blew up high to the heavens above – one man crawled out from the wreckage and that man was Abaddon.”

“I did”, Abaddon says curiously.

“Yes Abaddon, you did. You were burned and wounded but alive. Only by the grace of Blob did you make it….SO Mr. Vastrix, WE can help you. The Blob can protect you. You might lose a piece of yourself – maybe your ear by that eye…but you will otherwise be protected by the worst of the Blast…but you must come to the Blob willingly. On skinned and bleeding knees, you must crawl before him, beg him for his mercies…and be saved.”

“You are fucking nuts!” Vastrix blurts out laughing.

“Insolent wretch!” Abishag hisses and brings out a device with an antenna on it. He begins to press buttons.

“NO YOU FOOL!” Summeroff shouts at his charge and Abishag stops. “We need him…”

The Doctor turns. “Alright then, no salvation…simply an extension of the inevitable then. Do as I say. Go back and get in the good graces of Rupert Mudcock. Find out what that old bastard is up to and report back to me. Find out why he wanted us to win tonight. Surely it wasn’t to draw in the conservative voting audience! We don’t care for such petty things! We despise that self-deluded windbag McStrumps as much as any bleating, left wing bleeding heart Liberal! We have no political affiliation! There is only one master for us and that is the master of all things. Only through his gelatinous embrace can any of us find hope in this cold, cruel world. THAT is why the establishment trembles – Liberal and Conservative alike! The Blob won’t drain the swamp – he will fill it higher and turn it into a lake of his essence!!! He will drain into the Great Lakes and all the large rivers right down to the Gulf of Mexico itself! He will spread across the Mountains and over the Seas! Soon, the world itself will be awash in his glory, as the ticket buying public was at Friday Night Clash!”

Vastrix is about to speak and then thinks better of it. He might as well be talking to a brick wall for all the good speaking to these Zealots would do.

“Now get out of my sight Mr. Vastrix and go find out what Rupert is up to this time!”

Abishag grunts towards Vastrix and points the way out.

“Piss off”, Vastrix says and walks aways.

The Order watches him go and they smile. The smiles are confident, knowing that everything is going as they planned.

Present Day – The Blob’s AnteChamber: 23:49 PM

“It’s been a week now” Abaddon says.

“Yes, be patient. The Blob has not yet shown impatience. Neither should you”, Summeroff says to his disciple.

At that moment, the Blob turns in his tank and seemed to be facing Abaddon.

“You see? He listens!” Summeroff says. “Mr. Vastrix will get back to us when there is something to report. But first…well we need to discuss the upcoming match at the PPV and the disrespect shown us by UOW not giving us a World Title Shot against the Mexican Salinas. She’s been ducking us for too long. I thought for sure after Abishag destroyed her acolyte at Clash, we’d be in line…alas, she faces Takuma Sato.”

The blob quivers in his tank displaying his outrage.

“You see?” Summeroff spits out, “Even the Blob feels the injustice and when he feels injustice, the blasphemers feel the heat of the lake of fire!”

“Wasn’t that a Christian thing? The lake of fire?” Abaddon inquires.

“OUTRAGE!” Summeroff bellows, “Everything in the Christian book was stolen…stolen a long time ago from the ancient scrolls, scrolls written about out gelatinous master. The Bible is the great theft of Humanities time – and do not think for a second our watery savior hasn’t got a plan for us all because of it…the rapture is real Abaddon. Only it will not be an Angel blowing a trumpet and seals being broken open for us to behold make believe terrors…no it will be one of us. When I defeat McStrumps in the next election, it will be you Abishag who will declare to the world that the End of Days is here! The Blob will envelope everyone in his watery embrace. So it is written…so it shall be…”

Buzi clears his throat.

“Yes?” Summeroff asks.

“So…about the here and now” Buzi says, “what about Abishag’s next match?”

“What about it?” Summeroff says disgustedly, “It’s an embarrassment is what it is. To see Abishag in the ring with that worthless kronin and that abuser – O’Brien. Both of them have already felt the Wrath of Blob and still Rupert insists on giving the fans a dog and pony show at a pay per view. The people are being FLEECED by UOW management. We will set things to rights around here soon enough though…it’s almost time gentlemen. At the Pay Per View – we must strike! We must put an end to the abuses of this federation and show the world a better way. We start here. While Abishag takes care of business in the ring, the rest of us will take over UOW from the inside – soon Takuma Sata and Salinas will be taking their worker’s rights demands to us…and unlike Mudcock, we will treat our workers like gold!...IF they accept our watery master as their lord and savior…if not – then the worst days of Rupert Mudcock will feel like a Vacation to Bora Bora next to what we will bring down upon them!”