ONE

Five years later, three thousand miles away

The door shut behind him as he sought to escape my dying emotion. He left too soon, eager to get away from the overwrought mess he created as he broke up with me. Split before I could tell him. And for those few hours between the positive pregnancy test and him coming over, I felt we could do this. Unexpected, yes. But since we were looking for a home together, that we had that sort of emotional security, adding a child would be hard but not impossible. He loved kids, or so he said. That had to count for something. My mistake in making that assumption.

But then he walked out and destroyed that dream like nuclear experiments did the Bikini atoll. Couldn’t hold in the pain anymore. Dropped to my knees, the blue and gold paisley living room area rug absorbing the impact but not my hurt, while tears poured from my eyes and sobs choked my throat. Why? What happened that he’d split like that? Why now?

Don’t know how much time passed before I collected myself to some semblance of order and reached for my cell phone. The sky beyond the gauzy curtains had dimmed— must be nearing twilight. Dammit. I needed to get myself together, needed to work on a plan, needed someone to bounce ideas with to help me stay sane and cope.

Only one person would understand, and I needed him. Dialed his number while the tears threatened again, only to strengthen into full-on waterworks tempered by my subdued tones. “Dane?”

His voice, always strong, hugged my mind with warmth and concern. “Natalia? What’s wrong?” The way he said my full first name rather than Tali or Talia, that in itself indication of pain resonating in a single word.

I drew a deep breath into my lungs and tried to speak without breaking down into more of an emotional mess. “Nic broke up with me.” The knot grew in my throat. “And I’m pregnant. He left before I could tell him. I… I… don’t know what to do.” Couldn’t restrain myself. The tears and hiccups came unbidden to pollute my plea for support.

Immediately he said, “I’ll be there in five minutes. You okay? Need anything?”

Damn my sniffles. “Just a fucking hug.” Wiped the wetness from my eyes and tried calming myself. “I’m sorry to drag you into this, but I don’t have anyone else.” But he knew that.

Dane and I have known each other since early childhood. His grandmother lived across the street from mine, and we played together most weekends. We tried dating in high school, but that didn’t work out. But now, he’s the family I handpicked. Whenever I needed a strong shoulder or words of wisdom, he’d quote some Internet meme featuring the Norse and pop open a bottle of wine to split between us. We’d get drunk, giggle, have a cry, and move on. Dane Ragnar is the definition of godsend friend.

With the knowledge that he’d be here soon, I once again attempted to gain control of my raging emotions. Why did Nicodemus dump me? Not even two weeks after asking me to hunt down a place with acreage for us to live, not even two days ago talking about the goats we’d raise? Why the change of mind? Couldn’t wrap my head around the mechanics forging my new reality. Shit. Hours ago, I was antsy, waiting for Nic to come over to my little apartment after work. And when he did arrive, he held his gloves in his hand, rather than laying them atop his ever-present backpack, now resting on the floor. He perched on the edge of my couch— only two days earlier, witness to our shared passion— rather than leaning back and stretching an arm out to hug me, per his norm. He stared at the medieval documentary playing on the television, rather than engaging me in conversation. All of these put me in a state of mild anxiety, for they were so unlike him.

Hesitantly I asked, “Everything okay?” Holy shit, I hoped it wasn’t his father, who had a series of heart attacks last month. Nic acted as anchor for his mom while she dealt with her own issues and a buoy for keeping his father calm in the seas of raging health issues. It’d been touch and go. While he supported his kin, I supported him as all this crashed around.

When he finally did open his mouth to speak, I knew why of his different mannerisms. He cleared his throat. “Tali, babe. It’s just not working. This doesn’t feel like much of a relationship, does it?” Wouldn’t look at me. Why wouldn’t he look at me?

Shock hit me full-force, like I jumped naked into the same waters which doomed the Titanic. “What?” Almost like a foreign tongue, the string of words from his mouth wound about my mind, getting lost in the folds of my brain. Doesn’t feel like much of a relationship? Excuse me, Mr. Let’s Find a Place together? Does not compute.

“I’m sorry, babe. We’re over. I’m sorry I gotta be so cold, babe. I’m so sorry.” With that declaration, he arose from the quilt-covered couch, grabbed his backpack and gloves from where they sat slumped next to my front door, and made his escape before my sobs could reach his ears.

Never got the chance to address the creation nestling in my womb. How could he just leave like that?

Tried to turn my heart to lead, at least harden it enough to not make an ass out of myself the moment Dane would appear. True to his word, it didn’t take him long to arrive. Four minutes, thirty-eight seconds according to my phone.

The Shave and a Haircut knock was followed by the door opening. His broad shoulders filled the frame, and he doffed his bucket hat as he crossed the threshold. Dark brown hair, tanned skinned, bright green eyes— the man was vitality itself. Wearing cargo pants in army green and a tie-dyed teeshirt, he was every inch the lumberjack Hippie.

I still sat in center of the room, my cell phone balanced on my knee. Dane shut the door, and came to my side. Squatting down, he asked again, “You okay?” Didn’t wait for a reply before giving me a huge hug. Dane hugs are magical, and some tension flowed out of me before he let go and plopped down onto his ass and stretched his legs out before him.

Slowly, I shook my head, as if I could erase my mind as easily as an Etch-A-Sketch. No, no, I’m far from okay. The Land of Okay is not known to me, as it failed to exist on my mental map. “He didn’t tell me why, Dane. And I didn’t get a chance to tell him. Oh fuck, what am I going to do? He and I were going to get a place once my lease was up, and now… Shit house mouse, this is fucked up. Did you know he was going to break up with me?”

With that question launched his way, Dane held my hand in his own. “Yeah. He told me over a month ago.” His calloused hand gently tightened around mine. “He asked me to say nothing until after.”

Anger swirled in my blood, temporarily over-ruling the hurt. I practically screamed, “Two weeks ago he suggested we get a place together! What the fuck? Who the hell does that?” I was played. He lied to me, fed false hope. Damn him! I didn’t think the situation could suck more, but being jerked around like a puppet by its strings certainly proved me wrong.

“Nic does that. There’s things about him you don’t know, and I can’t break his confidence any more than I’d break yours.” Dane released my hand, which I used to swipe my hair from my forehead and tuck behind an ear.

Deep inside my heart, I knew that. We were all friends in high school, and eighteen years later, those bonds were still strong, especially those two with their bromance. “I wish he would have told me why… I have to tell him about the cherry on our breakup sundae. What do you think his reaction will be like?” Cringing, I could imagine it not being taken well, considering how he just kicked rocks out of here. Any lingering reminder of me would surely be unwelcome. Tears began to blur my vision once again as my brain reiterated (as if I could forget) that Nic fucking sucks and I’m stupid for getting sucked into a vortex of lies. Anger waged war with sadness in my blood.

I fucking hate Nic. 

Sadness tinged Dane’s voice. “I don’t know. He won’t want to get back together, though.” Absolute certainty rang with authority in his voice.

“What the hell makes you think I want to be with him? He can’t tell me what’s up, he’d rather lie and give me false security.” That hurt more than the rejection. Deep down, I always knew Nic and I came from different worlds, and only focusing on the big picture of us building a homestead together acted like glue. The burn of being asked to look for a place while he knew he was going to ditch my ass, God it hurt.

“What are you going to do? About the pregnancy?” Dane reached into his pocket and drew something out, palming it for now, while he awaited my answer.

I drew a deep breath. Options seemed to be dwindling. Truth is, my health would require a bunch of medical interventions if I continued this pregnancy. Was warned years ago that the likelihood of me surviving the perils of pregnancy were low with my bum heart, and chances for survival dwindled drastically when it involves labor. It’d be much easier with a partner in case of emergencies, which is why I thought for those few hours before Nic arrived that we could do this but now I’m not so sure. “I can’t do this alone. And if I survived both pregnancy and labor, there’d be child support and Nic, and… drama. Drama follows that man. And considering how things went down today, this will be very unwelcome news. Which means he’ll freak out and shit is going to get ugly. You know how he can be.” Hated to admit it, but chaos reigned in his wake wherever he goes. It’s as much a fact of nature as water being wet and fire is hot. A fundamental part of his allure. Moth to flame dynamics.

Dane nodded, “More than you realize, Tali. There’s shit you don’t know, don’t need to know, don’t want to know. Trust me.”

Frowning, could feel the tears building again and the sheer fact that raging hormones made this worse pierced my mind. “He never let me in the way I did him. Fuck, my relationship to him was a series of bruises to an already hurt heart.” My eyes burned from the salty tears and sheer anger. Nic got leeway because we had history. But not any more. He only proved exceptions shouldn’t be made. No guy is that damn special.

“Tali, hon. He knows that, and that’s why he’s gone. He’s ended it before he could hurt you more.” Dane slipped the little folded paper package into my hand. “This is for you. Ever since he told me what was on his mind, I started making it for you.”

While Dane’s words warmed me, their meaning did not. It fucking hurt. Why couldn’t Nic say something? Anything? “Asking me to look into a place for us while knowing he’d shit-can me all along is really fucking low and it hurts a hell of a lot more knowing he planned it that way.” Unfolding the heavy, cream-colored paper to reveal an necklace of small stones interspersed with creamy pearls. Writing filled the paper’s interior. With the necklace wrapped around my wrist, I read the missive.

>Garnet is a symbol of glory, love, beauty, and persistence. It intensifies life power,
restrains anger, dries away gloomy thoughts, cheers spirit and grants friendship. It has
an ability to purify the body, gives mutual love, fulfills cherished dreams, protects 
from accidents, and promotes happy family life.

>Amber boosts optimism, facilitates self-expression, attracts friends, and helps find a 
partner in life. It repels malicious spirits and brings victory.

>Pearls are pretty. And they help bring the Moon’s power over the feminine divine within your grasp.

The necklace’s weight sat heavy in my hand, and when held up to the light, they shone with fierce color. Dane’s voice filled my ears. “Nic isn’t the right man for you, and if I told you so before now, I do believe you would have ignored me. No offense intended, Tali.”

He’s right, as much as I hated to admit it. Still touched by the gift Dane bestowed upon me, it helped salve a little piece of my heart. Didn’t solve my problems, but that’s my issue to deal with, not his. “Thank you for the necklace, it’s lovely. I also appreciate the listed the gemstone folklore properties.”

Dane drew a long breath into his lungs and breathed slowly before informing me, “There’s something about that necklace you need to know. It was made with a purpose in mind, and there’s energy in those stones.”

He had my full attention. One of Dane’s proclivities included his belief in magic and the manipulation of energy, chi, things like that. And true, while in high school, our group formed a little neo-pagan coven of sorts, we didn’t get into magic as much as the mythos. The only one of us to continue on the pagan path was Dane. He followed the Norse gods, the Aesir and Vanir. Well, with some Tibetan Buddhist thrown in as well. So when he said the stones had energy, it churned my imagination as to what exactly that meant. I’m sure my expression cued him into my interest. “Do I want to know?”

“Forewarned is forearmed. Let’s just say that Freya and Freyr have your back. And that’s not just a folklore description as much as an inventory of energy stored in the stones and amplified. There’s other intentions infused as well. Please, wear it.”

“I will, and thank you.” Another deep breath shook my body as I said quietly, “I think I’ll have to have an abortion.”

Dane released the breath he was holding. “If you need a ride or someone to beat off the protesters, I’ll be there for you.” The man would love an opportunity to tell someone that fanaticism kills, too.

A feeling of ick pored through my bones. The responsibility over another life is uncomfortable. But deep down, I knew what had to be done. “I know. I just…don’t like the idea of it, but in reality, pretty sure my doctor will tell me I’ve got limited options. With my heart, it’s a bad idea to court high blood pressure. And that increases big time with pregnancy. I don’t like the thought. Remember Gary?” An ex boyfriend of mine, and my introduction to Douche Baggery, domestic violence, and self-doubt.

“Yeah, I remember the skuzz. Why?”

“We had a condom break, and I got knocked up. He ordered me to have an abortion, and Maggie took me. He wouldn’t go.” A knot of remembrance tightened in my throat. “God, that hurt. How he just wiped his hands of the situation and resented me for being fertile. As if I had the foresight not to fuck on a certain night because of impending equipment failure.”

Maggie was another friend of ours from back in the day. In our group, she and I were the only girls. Nic, Dane, my cousin Ricky, and PJ made up the rest. Rick now lived in Virginia and PJ migrated to parts unknown right after high school graduation, severing contact as he forged a devoutly Christian path.

“I never liked him. Already knew about it because Maggie told me. She and I were together then, remember? That was right before the proposal.”

He broke it off between them and they stopped talking a long while. After working it out, they still remained friends. Don’t know why I’d think she wouldn’t have told him at that time. “That was eight years ago. Just never thought I’d have to do it again.” Yeah, getting super-stressed during the procedure sucked. Medical interventions blow.

His dark head tilted to the side and he said gently, “I’ll go with you. Just let me know when and I’ll take a paid sick day.” He patted my knee before unwinding the necklace from my wrist to replace it around my throat. “The amber brings light to the garnet. And you make it glow more.”

I could feel the beginnings of a my heart breaking anew. “I’ll make an appointment for the procedure. I have to tell him, though.” It’s half his genetic material, after all. Somehow I don’t think he’d be eager for me to keep the child, not that his opinion mattered at this point. I knew telling him would be hard. Just got rejected. Letting him know would set me up for another round, I was sure of it. But what if he wanted to keep it? Could I do that? My own health would be at risk, no matter what. Sigh.

Dane shook his head. “I’ll tell him. If it comes from you, he could interpret it as you trying to trap him in a relationship. I can assure him otherwise. I speak Bro fluently.” He then offered me a small smile of reassurance.

That took some of the pressure from my shoulders. The thought of seeing Nic, knowing he lied just further infuriated me and to be spared that confrontation helped calm me. “Again, thank you.”

“No problem. You’ve got enough to worry about. You worry about you. I’ll worry about the other shit.”

No kidding. “The only thing keeping you from being a perfect boyfriend for a girl like me is the fact that you have the hots for big, hairy men.”

He smiled wide. “Truth. But I’ll make some bear very happy. As will some guy will make you. I realize you’re not ready, but when you are, there’ll be a man who sweeps you off your feet in the best way. And it’ll be he who will be your true mate. Just wait. You’ll see.”

As Dane squeezed my hand, I couldn’t help but believe him. The Great Dane has never let me down, not when it really mattered. And as it seemed just as my world began to fall apart, Dane’s presence seemed like the duct tape to keep it all together.

But you know what they say?
Perfect things don’t ever last.