Be My Bashing Partner Adele,

Please!
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Dear Adele,

I am your number one fan!

The first time I saw you, I felt elated. I could not believe a singer could be so pointless and yummy.

Your role in Deadpool was mild and simply trendy.

I've created a collection of pictures to remind me of you. My bedroom dresser is your shrine, lined with tickets.

My ambition is to go to London together and engage in some serious bashing. I'd make you cake then we'd watch football highlights until the sun set.

I'd love it if you could reply to me - tomorrow would be best. Oh, say you'll be my bashing partner Adele, please!

With your reply, please enclose some more pictures for my ever-growing collection.

Please, please, please reply.
Suzi-Anne Braveflower