[When someone is being encouraged to compromise their morals]
They've already put a lot of effort into the "not killing people" plan, they'd like to see it through to the end. -- RecklessPrudence
It certainly looked like the end for our heroes. Surrounded on every side by hostile forces. Outmanned. Outnumbered. If there were guns, they'd have been outgunned. But in this case, they were all out of spell slots and clever tricks. All they had left was their weapons and their wits, and they were running out of hit points.
The Artifact, Artie for short, was their only ace in the hole. He was the equivalent of a golem run by an infinity stone, and it had been the heroes job to find, obtain, and bring him back to the authorities that contained these things. Alas, he was also cogniscent, and made a lot of decisions that only made sense to him.
"Artie," said the Cleric. "Can you do something to these guys? Make 'em... go away?"
"I have put three hundred years into the 'not killing people' thing," said Artie, who was thinking hard about the surname McGuffin. "I would like to continue."
"Well, tits..." muttered the Wizard.
Artie pondered this. "I fail to see what mammary glands have to do with this situation."
"I, for one, would like to see a few more of them before I die, though," said the Wizard, apropos of nothing.
The Warrior, back to his allies, slightly altered his grip on his axe. "Can you maybe send them all into a deep and refreshing slumber? I'd like us all to get out of here alive."
"Or teleport them fifty miles away or something," added the Cleric. "I never said 'kill', Artie."
"That you did not," noted Artie. "But I have noted your mutual propensities for euphemistic speech."
"Just get us out of here, and I'll show you a cute dog," bargained the Wizard. "Or a kitty cat. Or a really neat jellyfish. Whatever. Life is cool, we want to have more of it."
"I think I can help." Artie appeared to concentrate for a moment, and the stone in his chest glowed like the sun.
The heroes were spooning in the shade of a beautiful tree when they woke up. Artie was standing and watching them, when he wasn't watching the world. In a few seconds, he was distracted by a small butterfly, and watched it in wonder.
The Wizard spoke first. "Artie... did you set us up cuddling like this?"
"Yes," said Artie. After too long a pause, he added, "I thought it would be... adorable."
"I dunno about you guys, but that kind'a creeps me out," murmured the Wizard.
"No, he's right, it's adorable," said the Cleric. "You have this cute little snore."
The Warrior picked himself up, surveyed the scenery. "What happened, Artie?"
"I cast Superior Sleep. Everyone in a two mile radius fell harmlessly into a deep rest. Then I carried you out."
"Wait. You carried all three of us out with those skinny little stick arms?"
Artie paused for too long. "Yes."
"At once?" asked the Cleric.
Pause. "Yes."
"Well, okay then," said the Warrior. "I'm glad you decided to keep up that 'not killing people' thing. Otherwise you'd be really dangerous."
"And then we'd have to take you back to our base and destroy you," said the Wizard.
"Ix-nay on the estruction-day," hissed the Cleric. "He's still eadly-day."
"I don't understand French," said the Wizard.
Artie remembered how to smile. These people were worth keeping around for a while. They were certainly amusing. It had been some centuries since he'd had a pet mortal. It was high time for some new ones.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / rolffimages]
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