Chapter 6 – Z.E.D.’s Not Dead
At five P.M. the assembled nerdcore army met again at Geek NASA to discuss their options. Only YTC elected to hang back and run things from Colorado, NORAD-style.
Spork conducted the meeting.
“The first meeting of Z.E.D., Zombie Eradication Defense, is hereby called to order. Myf, High-C, and Nursehella are here to give a firsthand perspective of the situation.”
Myf spoke first, the most credible of the three.
“Guys. Gals. I know you won’t believe it, but we’re in the midst of a full-blown zombie invasion.”
Cries of disbelief erupted from the crowd.
“Bullshit!” someone said.
“Myf, you’re crazy,” said another.
“Cool!” Betty Rebel yelled.
“Fuck you, High-C,” Beefy said.
“Nursie, tell ‘em,” Myf told her.
“It’s true, people,” she said. “I shot one in the chest. That should let you know how serious this is.”
Subdued murmurs circulated the room.
“Dummy here shot a cop in the face,” she said, indicating High-C.
“Fuck you, High-C!” the assembly yelled. He laughed.
“And he wasn’t even a zombie!” he yelled back.
Now it was their turn to laugh.
“I’m afraid it’s true, though,” High said. “The zombification of America has begun. They need us to take ‘em out. I’ll let the little bastards responsible tell you how it happened and why it concerns us, specifically. But first I’d like to say hello to Chozo Ninpo’s lovely girlfriend. Hello, Monica…”
Veeps blushed a deep crimson. Shamus took the microphone.
“Look, people. We’re very sorry. We were messing with forces we didn’t fully understand, and we, uh, sort of unleashed a demon of Lovecraftian proportions.”
Most of the nerdcore crowd had at least one foot firmly rooted in science, and they believed in demons even less than they believed in zombies.
“Fuck off!” someone said.
“Look, your non-belief won’t change anything. We really need your cooperation.”
Shamus passed the mic to Thugmasta J.
“You all trust YT, right? Well, he hacked into a government server and got a top-secret spell book. I’m afraid we read the spell that unleashed the beast, so to speak. Go ahead and text him. We’ll wait.”
YT’s phone started blowing up, and after he answered the first few messages, people seemed to be satisfied that they were telling the truth.
“How does this concern the nerdcore crew?” someone asked.
“I sort of transferred the demon to MC Router,” Quartz Relic said.
“How can you tell the difference?” High-C asked, causing everyone to laugh loudly.
“Seriously,” Relic said, “She’s censoring internet traffic from the area. But between us and the information that slips out, we know it’s centered around her.”
“Assuming we believe you, what can we do to help?” Doc Pop asked.
“We’re goin’ zombie killin’,” Myf said. “We need people who aren’t afraid to shoot to kill. Guns, crossbows. If your magic is strong enough, use that. But we’ve got to get to Router, and it won’t be easy.”
“You guys are talkin’ about actual killing,” Betty said. “Kick-ass!”
“You’d better get with it girlfriend,” Hella said. “Everything depends on us. Zealous, care to give us a few words?”
“What up, y’all?” This is endgame, folks. I don’t know about you, but I’ve trained for this my whole life. I’m ready to lead a party to Dallas. If you ain’t with it, you’d better step back.”
He pulled a sawed-off from behind his back, and a few people audibly gasped.
“It’s not a game or a drill. It’s the real deal this time,” he said.
“What can I do?” Soapy asked. “I’m not a killer, I’m a housewife.”
“Can you drive?” Myf asked. “We want to trek to Texas at least two to a car. One driver, one shooter, minimum.”
“Yeah,” Soapy said. “But a lot of us flew here.”
“We’ve got cars,” Zealous said. “If you don’t mind ridin’ dirty. Or we can steal a car for you.”
“Zombies, robots, pirates, ninjas…and gangstas?” Monny said. “That could work.”
Shinobi of Krondor Krew stood up. “KK representin’ the ninja element. We’re down.”
“Yar,” Captain Dan said. “I and me scurvy crew are throwin’ our hats into the ring.”
“I refuse to confirm or deny I am a bot,” Doc Pop said. “But I find this entire scenario fascinating. Can I help without being a triggerman?
“Navigator?” Nursehella said. “It’s a long way to Dallas.”
“Perfect. And I’ve got my yo-yo if we get in a pinch. I think I might enjoy driving, as well.”
“Okay,” Myf said. “These things, whatever they are, either knew we were coming here, or followed us. It’s going to be a fight to get to Dallas. We have a cache of weapon at The Comic Shop. Guns, edge weapons, staffs for you clerics.”
Get with Beau if you need a car. I printed up maps. Take one, get your weapons and go. The map leads to a park near Router’s apartments. We’ll rally there for the big showdown.”
“Shoot to kill,” High-C reminded them.
E.P.P. rode four deep in Wreckshin’s Chevy Nova, arming Betty Rebel with an Uzi. Karl, Nursehella and Bbear set out in a stolen lowrider with an AK-47. Krondor Krew drove a Takuru Spirit, naturally, and carried the standard assortment of ninja weapons.
Captain Dan’s crew always traveled armed as well, with scabbards, cutlasses and vicious-looking knives. The Rocket Propelled geeks were hyped. They had actually gotten their hands on an RPG-launcher and a few .38 specials.
Magitek stayed true to their name, bringing only electronics, music, and the book that had caused their problems in the first place. Plus a kendo staff for insurance. Zealous1 rode out in a fly Cadillac, armed with twin sawed-offs. Doc Pop was behind the wheel, and Beefy was in the backseat.
Veeps, Chozo and Inadequate left in a huge Hummer with an assortment of handguns and an SKS assault rifle. High-C grabbed a second Glock, and Myf acquired a .357 magnum, taking an assortment of hand grenades. Dean and Soapy drove a Ford Taurus and brought pistols, but really didn’t expect to use them.
They all set out for Dallas, and none of them knew that they each carried a kilo of Sir-Up’s new discovery.