Chapter 9 – Bad Mother Truckers
The second gun battle occurred near Beaumont. A semi truck with a canvas tarp over the back pushed its way into the convoy.
“Fuckin’ truckers,” Bbear said.
It was a normal enough occurrence that they let their collective guard down, and were taken by surprise when the tarp flew off. Four zombies began firing on them.
Bbear and Betty Rebel reacted quickly, firing back with automatic weapons, but not before Ultraklystron caught a slug through his left hand.
“I’m hit!” he yelled. Nursie grabbed the wheel as he fainted, narrowly avoiding an accident.
Three of the four attackers went down. The fourth leapt onto the hood of Shamus’s Toyota Camry, gun in hand. No one could safely shoot without endangering Magitek, who were without guns of their own.
“I’m tryin’ to code back here!” Thugmasta said.
When the zombie shot through the windshield and missed, Quartz Relic used the staff to shove it off of the hood, where Beefy, now driving the caddy, ran it over.
“I always wanted to do that,” he said.
Nursehella called Zealous1.
“Beau, Karl’s hurt. Plus we need gas.”
“A couple of us need gas. How bad is he?”
Nursie had pulled him to the passenger side so Bbear could drive.
“Hold on,” she said.
“Karl. Karl!” she said, slapping his face.
He opened his eyes.
“How are you?” she asked him.
“I’m fucking shot!”
“Let me see,” Nursie said.
He held up his hand, which was still bleeding a lot.
“Fucking fuck,” he said. “I’m fucking shot.”
“Relax,” she said. “You’re right-handed.”
Karl was sobbing. “I’m half a man! How can you ever love me?”
“Oh, suck it up,” she said. “Can you move your fingers?”
He wiggled them, then moved them individually.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Good,” she said. “Flesh wound. No hospital visit necessary. No broken bones or cut tendons.”
“It fucking hurts!” he said.
Everyone pulled into a Stuckey’s that was large enough to still be safe, and began refueling. Nursie left Karl moaning in the backseat and went in for medical supplies.
She got handkerchiefs, peroxide, alcohol, Tylenol, and a small Styrofoam cup, paying cash for the gas and other items, at the last minute grabbing a roll of duct tape as well.
High-C was fueling up and smoking a cigarette.
“I need a little of that coke,” she told him.
“Ho, you want a hit, you gotta get yo’ knees dirty,” he said.
“Fuck you, High-C,” she said. “You’re such a wigger. It’s for Karl’s hand. He caught a bad one.”
“Aw, I was just kidding. Of course. What’s mine is yours, Danielle.”
She handed him the empty cup, which he threw away.
“That’s no good,” he said. He peeled the cellophane from a pack of reds and dumped some coke in it, in full view of anyone who cared to look.
“A little extra for you, too. Stay up. Times about to get ill when we hit Dallas.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“Give my love to Karl,” he told her.
Ultraklystron screamed when she dumped the peroxide and alcohol on his bullet wound. Once she had cleaned it, she dumped cocaine on it, and wrapped it in the handkerchief, sealing it with duct tape.
“Wow,” he said. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“I’m not called Nursehella for nothing,” she said.
They sped off toward Dallas, the road again empty ahead of them.
When they were an hour away, Nursie sent YT a text and told him to be ready. He had Router’s address in his email inbox, so he and the rest of Spamtec decided to try and do reconnaissance, Scooby-Doo style. Still not taking things seriously, they went unarmed. They took a cab, and had it stop two blocks from where she lived, going the rest of the way on foot.
They hadn’t even made it a block before they saw their first zombie.
They were passing what they had thought was a homeless man when he suddenly snarled and leapt at them. It was only their relative youth that allowed them to escape unscathed. When they scattered and ran, he pursued them at high speed. By chance, he didn’t have a gun, or at least one of them would have been killed.
After a few blocks, they had lost him, and YT, panting, called a cab.
“That was no ordinary zombie,” he said.
Nursie got a text from ZeroBitRate and SashRa: “Zombies spotted in OKC.” Router’s followers were starting to appear in the states surrounding Texas.
They rolled into Dallas and rallied at YT’s hotel room instead of the park.
Spork from RPG again led the meeting.
“Let the second meeting of Z.E.D. commence,” he said. “Nursehella, anything new to report?”
“Uh, yeah,” she said. “They’re spreading to other states.”
“Great,” Bbear said. “We can’t go state to state killing zombies.”
“We could make a reality program out of it,” MC Wreckshin said. “The Antique Zombie Killing Roadshow.”
“Actually,” Shamus said. “According to the spellbook, if we dispatch the queen, the others will revert.”
“Dibs!” High said.
“This is serious,” Zealous said. “We expect a big fight to get to her. If you’re not willing to kill, you should stay here, or hang back and provide support.”
We’re going in D and D style: ranger, paladin, mage, barbarian, healer, Halfling, etcetera. But with guns. YT just encountered one of her guards. YT?”
“Yeah, these are not Hollywood zombies. They move fast, they’re intelligent, capable of disguise. The one we saw didn’t have a gun, but you already know firsthand that they’re good with weapons. Be careful.”
“Another thing,” Zealous said. “There may be civilians left in the area, but we’re not sure. We don’t want to hurt or kill regular people.”
Myf spoke up. “Based on your various skills, we’ve assembled three balanced teams of fighters. Krondor Krew and Captain Dan’s scurvy dogs are self-contained fighting forces, and they work best as groups. The teams are as follows: Team Hacker – YT, Sir-Up, Quartz Relic, Nursie, EPIC-1 and Chozo Ninpo.”
“Go Team Hacker!” Chozo shouted.
“Team Gangster: Zealous1, MC Wreckshin, The HT, Betty Rebel, Beefy and MC Inadequate.”
“Unbeatable!” Beefy yelled.
“I’m a gangsta like Rappy!” Inadequizzy said.
“Team Psycho: High-C, Myf, Ultraklystron, Veeps, EGod, Spork Utensil.”
“Woo,” Myf said without enthusiasm.
“Oh, joy,” Ultraklystron said.
High-C raised his arms like a conductor.
“Fuck you, High-C,” everyone yelled.
“What about me?” Bbear asked.
“We need a stealth assassin,” Myf said.
“I’m your guy,” Bbear replied.
“If everyone is cool with the teams, we’ll continue. They’re all pretty balanced, with a warrior, paladin, mage, healer, ranger, and barbarian. Can you work together? If there are personality conflicts, tell us now.”
“Honestly,” Chozo said, “I don’t trust High-C with my girlfriend.”
“Okay,” Myf said. “Do you trust her?”
“With my life.”
“It’s no problem, then,” Myf said. “Unless she’s a cop.”
Everyone laughed.
“Seriously. The dude is weird, I admit, even for a nerd. But he’s, um, mostly harmless, to borrow a phrase. Any other qualms, questions, concerns, or considerations?”
No one said anything.
“Okay, then. Good. Magitek are going to break it down as far as support services.”
Quartz Relic spoke first. “Zombie killing? We have an app for that,” he said.
The crowd laughed.
“Seriously,” he said. “If these zombies have cell phones, they’ll show up on this crude radar we’ve devised.” He held up his iPhone.
“This map is centered on the GPS location of Router’s apartment, with concentric circles indicating one thousand, five hundred, and one hundred yards. Her power should increase exponentially with proximity, so be warned.”
“What if you don’t have an iPhone?” someone asked.
“We have an Android version, too.”
“What about the Palm Pre?” High-C asked.
“Fuck you, High-C,” Relic said. “The app also keeps score for you manually. No cheating. Three points for wounding, five points for chest shots, ten for headshots. Just to keep things interesting. One last thing from YT and Zealous, and we’ll head out.”
“We’re going to have gangbangers outside of the thousand yard range doing mop-up operations and providing exterior defense. If you shoot outside of that zone, be damn sure you know what you’re doing. We don’t need more gang wars,” Zealous said.
“Now for the good news,” YT said. “Nursie, did you tell ‘em?”
“No, I forgot when my sweetie got shot,” she said.
“Check your bank accounts,” YT told them.
Several people pulled out their phones.
“Holy shit!” Chozo said.
“Insane,” Ultraklystron added.
“We still have to get out of this alive. And if we don’t eliminate the problem, the feds will roll up on us,” YT said. “You should withdraw the money as soon as we finish so they don’t try and seize it.”
“Check your weapons. Get ammo. We have crossbows and knives, too. Carry a backup piece. If you get in a bind, call or text the support team. They’ll direct someone to come and rescue you. Don’t get captured!” Zealous said. “Any questions?”
No one had any.
“Don’t assume they’ll all show up on the app,” Zealous said.
“Ok, let’s go kill some zombies, people,” Myf said.
Router rose and emerged from her apartment into the night air. Her undead warriors surrounded her. She didn’t need to speak, but informed them that a force was coming that opposed her, and she needed to be defended.
Several positioned themselves around the apartment, then her building. More encircled the complex, and a few surrounded the block. She retired to the dark of her apartment to await the confrontation.