Stolen dignity — SteemCN

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The rage that filled my soul as I rode him, I was letting out my hurt, my pains and anger, the fury I had in me for years. The disgust as he shakes while ejaculating and the irritation as he smiled and asked for a cuddle afterwards.

I probably killed him a million times in my head before I threw his clothes on him and yelled at him to leave, the tears that filled my eyes as I sat under the shower hoping the water would wash the memories away. The memories of the day I was forcefully deprived of my dignity.

It was my first year in the university and John, a four hundred level student of the department of mechanical engineering had just asked me to be his girlfriend. He was 23 and me, I was just 17.

He would take me out on dates and he promised never to touch me since I was a virgin and wasn't ready for anything sexual till I was 20. Until that very evening, he asked me to come over and I did, he had his friends around and they offered me nonalcoholic drinks which I accepted. I was too innocent and trutsted him too much to suspect anything.

I found myself running away from a monster, I ran till my strength failed me and the monster caught up with me. He ripped off my clothes and as he was about to use his wild long nails on me I woke up. It was a dream but I was in pains, I looked down with shock at the bloodstain on the bed, John smiled at me as though he had conquered a great battle.

Before I could download what had happened, I heard him say "you need to leave, I'm expecting someone" I was in shock, I felt like I was still dreaming and I had not even come out of my thought when he pulled me up and pushed me out of the house half naked.

With tears in my eyes and blood dripping down my legs I tried to cover my body as though that would reserve a little of the dignity that was just stolen from me. I trusted him, I was lost in own thoughts, I could hardly walk but I managed to stagger back home. He had not just stolen my virginity but my life as I became I shadow of myself, filled with depression and nightmares, too ashamed and scared to speak about what had happened.

Six years later and this is who I was, a sex addict as that was the only way I could unleash the unresolved pain in me, then get disgusted by the man after the intercourse, I hated men, I wanted to hurt everyone of them that was bold enough to still want to go in between the legs of a broken mirror like me. They say time heals all wounds but six years down the line I never healed, the wound only got bigger.

I hated the thought still living with the pain so I stood up from the shower and reached out to the ibuprofen pills in my room and overdosed on it. For the first time in six years, I felt like a monster wasn't chasing me anymore. My nightmare was about to end as I felt my heart beat fade slowly.

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