Day 1

They’ve been trying to aerate the office for 3 days now but if you stand in the wrong spot, you can still catch a whiff of alcohol, poppers and an unmentionable something else. Everyone looks like shit, except me of course. I was wise enough to mandify and I walked in on the first day as fresh as, well, me every day.

God, everyone’s pathetic. How long does it take to get over a hangover FFS?

George and Aidan got very drunk very quickly and had to be piggy backed into the toilets at 10. Marjory was crying in the corner, something about men not liking her anymore. The intern was on the floor being propped up by the receptionist (who has had no-one to cling onto lately, I notice); the IT boys were playing catch with the new actuary (surprised there’s been no peep from HR about this, although Simon tells me they’re dealing with a surprise Christmas pregnancy – I told him to keep work experience girls away from the office parties.) The Reinsurance Bitches spent much of the evening posing by the makeshift bar trying to look too cool for school, but they ended up downing shots elsewhere and I had to step over them to get my cab as they sat on the pavement. They don’t look quite as sophis with their pencil skirts bunched up round their stomachs.

I mean, FFS.

So I’ve been doing my nails and looking busy all day, kind of waiting for the CEO (although I don’t normally wait for guys – I’m not the type.) The CEO’s divorce was put on hold for the kids, apparently, and he was nowhere to be seen in the run-up to Christmas. That Girl from Compliance was all over him at the party; it was embarrassing. She’s the kind of person who would sleep with anyone if she could feel better about herself for five minutes and she’s just so obvious. I might have taken her under my wing if she wasn’t such a liability. Fancy sleeping with someone with no strategy in place!

Well… Welcome to 2018, y’all.

Better go; the CEO’s just walked into his office.

Ciao ciao x

Office Bitch

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