The sad bitter truth about life

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What is it about this life in the cold truth that we are destined to feel more than we can sometimes bear. I often think about how life is cruel, how we live in it that we forget about its cruelty, we forget about things we can never stop from happening but sometimes I wish we had the power to do that. What is it about this life that we are destined to feel more than we can sometimes bear, that anxiety would turn into a constant, ever swaying beam, and we will someday lose the things we care about , we will someday lose the people we love the very most, and there’s nothing we can do, not a single thing we can do to stop it.
What is it about this life that keeps some of the best people flirting with suicide, their ashened knees buckling, their mouth soft with silence? What is it that sends me to my music playlist looking for Jazz after a day of faithful sadness, my soul in absolute tears and sadness trying to understand the beauty in every man and woman ofcourse animals too.
I am not sure and I don’t know if I will ever be but I am perfecting and learning to look at the miracles, all of them tall in my existence, miracles like the silence of nature, love and positive energies shared around the world, peace instead of war, no manipulations but open minded or to look into the soul eye of a lover, their spirit tangled with yours knowing that if anything is worth it, I mean anything at all then it must be this, it must be this, perhaps it is only this, but I guess it’s just a miracle I thought of, miracle I can’t turn to reality, I pictured it all in my head and I wish it could be this and everything else creeps me quietly like a hooded bravado in the shadows.