No One Can Hear You :: 50 Word Story Challenge

negativer (62) in fiftywords • 7 years ago (edited)

This is an entry for this week's Fifty Word Story Challenge coordinated by @jayna.

The prompt this week: space

_{As always, I like to try and use the word in my little story. This time, I got to use it twice.}

In space no one can hear you scream.

The tagline from Alien echoed in Robert’s head, the irony not lost on him.

He should have let someone know he was cleaning out the industrial trash compactor.

His space got smaller and smaller. Then it was gone.

Nobody heard him scream.

_{Title image by @negativer using Canva.}

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A great community of writers there, helping each other get better at what they enjoy doing.}

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7 years ago by negativer (62)

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prydefoltz (65) · 7 years ago (edited)

In space ... George Lucas can hear you scream ... he is special that way:)

A little piece of clever gore here:) Your fifty words delivered a punch and a wry giggle:) Yeah I am black like that:)

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

Dang, I should have named my character George.

I'm glad you're not offended by a little dark humor :)

prydefoltz (65) · 7 years ago

You frame it well:)

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anikekirsten (56) · 7 years ago

I can't believe I missed this. Jayna was right, this gave me a good laugh-out-loud. Well done, Neg. Well done.

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

Ha, I'm glad you came across it :) Thanks!

jayna (69) · 7 years ago

Ack! I screamed, laughed, and discovered my hair was standing on end all at the same time! Well done. I love this, @negativer.

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

Thanks @jayna! After all the 50-word stories you read and write, I'd have thought you'd be numb by now! :)

jayna (69) · 7 years ago

Are you kidding? We’re just gettin’ started! I am fueled by these lovely creations, and the opportunity to write something each week that is tiny, contained, and hopefully impactful. And I’m seeing some of the writers develop here, which is thrilling. I loves it!

steemedchitty (56) · 7 years ago

Reminiscent of the classic scene from Star Wars.

I like how the ending is so... clear, maybe? Finite? It really transmits the... lack of meaning and overall unimportance of his death. I like the dichotomy between the immense space and the cramped compactor.

There's really a lot to say about it although it's a 50 word story! As expected from the one and only @negativer!

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

I did have the Star Wars scene in my head when I wrote it, except in their case they could hear each other scream and had some means to make their escape.

Being trapped in a container and being slowly squished to death would be initially claustrophobic, then panic-inducing, then you probably just go insane briefly before you actually die.

dreemit (71) · 7 years ago

Fifty word story! I don't know if I could do it...but you did it fantastically! Bravo :)

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

It's harder than it looks...and easier at the same time. A fun little exercise. Thanks much for reading!

deirdyweirdy (61) · 7 years ago

Ouch, horrific. Certainly the stuff of nightmares.

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

I'm probably going to start having this as a nightmare, now that you mention it...

deirdyweirdy (61) · 7 years ago (edited)

Yeah, me too. Thanks for that. For this reason, my warm and fluffy tales abound with cute cavorting pixies and gentle genial genii.

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

I'm glad your alliteration didn't devolve into 'genitals'.

Because in my head it did.

ahmadmanga (65) · 7 years ago

Liked it, I didn't feel it was gruesome UNTIL I imagined what's getting crushed by trash from every angel would feel like, Ouch!!

Can't believe I haven't got the idea to build a story on this line:

In space no one can hear you scream.

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

I know! It'd be a terrible way to go. Thanks for reading @ahmadmanga!

isa93 (49) · 7 years ago

Nice! I like the irony and how the prompt was used with two meanings. Also, it's great how you created a whole story with just the 50 words. This kind is my favourite :)

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

I am starting to enjoy these 50 word stories quite a bit. So much variety, and it's always fun to see what someone can do in such a small space. Thanks for reading!

ablaze (61) · 7 years ago

Oh for the love of Mike!! That's gruesome, I worked in a place before that had one of these compactors, and I was always freaked out by the possibility of something like that happening... What a way to go...

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

Hell yea. I did too. A giant cardboard compactor. I thought it would be a terrible place to die, but you could maybe get away with hiding dead bodies in there....

cosimo (58) · 7 years ago (edited)

I did not hate it.

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

The most glorious of praise indeed! I will take it! :)

mydivathings (66) · 7 years ago

That must have hurt. hehehe

negativer (62) · 7 years ago

Just a little bit, probably, but not for long :)

leeart (67) · 7 years ago

Impressive how 50 words could deliver such an impact and also leaves room for questions, wanting for more.

jayna (69) · 7 years ago

It is an art! And @negativer is getting particularly good at this.

leeart (67) · 7 years ago

Indeed it is. It's awesome how others can easily put words together to come up with great thoughts while words fail me lol!

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morodiene (59) · 7 years ago

Is this why you don't like to take out the garbage?

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negativer (62) · 7 years ago

No, but this is why we don't have a trash compactor.

jayna (69) · 7 years ago

And this is why you should be concerned if @morodiene buys a trash compactor.

iamthegray (62) · 7 years ago

Wow

I don't know what to feel right now. It's funny, thoughtful and scary at the same time.

Well done!

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