A Thousand Windows

tristancarax (66) in finishthestory • 6 years ago (edited)

View this post on Hive: A Thousand Windows

6 years ago by tristancarax (66)

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arcange (73) · 6 years ago

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2 votes

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agmoore (64) · 6 years ago (edited)

This is exactly why I didn't submit my story. I couldn't summon the magic you captured in yours. You do have a talent. I know this man now. I see his nose. I experience his village.

A gift, that sends some of us into the shadows :)

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1 vote

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tristancarax (66) · 6 years ago

I was surprised I didn't struggle to much writing it.

I won't put your writing down. Just because you might think it is crap, other may not (unless it is just total crap LOL). I was surprised when I got a curie upvote for one of my pieces and also surprised others liked it. Take that chance to fall flat on your face. It is scary.

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3 votes

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tristancarax (66) · 6 years ago

Come to think of it, I ditched out on a story last week for something else. An example of not following what I wrote earlier. It happens. 8-)

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2 votes

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agmoore (64) · 6 years ago

You were right the first time. Have to be willing to fall on our faces. I was interested especially in your story because you addressed the Armenian Genocide. My story centered around that. Maybe that's why it didn't come off. You were able to feel the people--I saw it more objectively, as an historic event. Didn't work at all, though it bothers me to kill my character :)
I'll take your advice next time. Thanks.

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1 vote

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brisby (58) · 6 years ago

I'm with Tristan, you've a way in telling stories that feel real, even when they're complete fiction. That's a gift.

(On a personal note, no matter how often I check a story, I never see as many flaws as I do after I've hit the 'post' button. After that, all I see are what I feel are points that could be better, things that I should change. So when someone likes it, I'm floored. Every time.) 🤗

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2 votes

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agmoore (64) · 6 years ago

Thank you. I think I'm afflicted with "plain speech" syndrome :) It's a stylistic affliction where I winnow everything down to essentials.
You and Tristan are right about going forward, and being willing to suffer our own imperfections. Can't measure our work by others' achievements...although we can learn from others. Writing is a gift to the author, and, you never know who will be moved, or pleased by what you write.

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brisby (58) · 6 years ago

No wonder you write so well! A lot of people appreciate being able to read a piece that gets down to brass tacks. That's one of the many reasons that I like this contest. The more writers that join in, the more there are varying styles for everyone to enjoy.

Writing is a gift to the author, and, you never know who will be moved, or pleased by what you write.

I like that, thank you!

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agmoore (64) · 6 years ago

Thank you!

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theironfelix (62) · 6 years ago

As I continue to read the endings, I continue to see how many of these endings could easily be strung together to form a super ending without the need to retcon any major (or many minor) details. With this as the ultimate endings to many of the endings preceding before it. This as the ultimate send-off of the chapter of Vartan’s return and how his return benefitted the Yerevan people. It really is good that yah displayed the communal nature of Vartan as lived through and enforced because of the horrid Armenian Genocide time. He couldn’t, thanks to a ruling class hanging over him, just be a merchant, he had to help secure his community of Armenians, or he’d not be a sane person thereafter to see them suffer even more. So, even with the interests to keep his spot, he was radicalized to help as much as he could or alleviate as mucj suffering as he could just by recognizing and not wanting to contribute to the pain being created in the World. Lovely story,<3

Upvot’d and resteem’d.

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tristancarax (66) · 6 years ago

I continue to see how many of these endings could easily be strung together to form a super ending without the need to retcon any major (or many minor) details.

I've noticed the very same thing.

I did enjoy writing in the direction this went. I wanted something a little happy and show the city he was living in along with the era. I'm glad someone of kind heart came through.

I had in mind mind originally to write about a stone heist somewhere in the city.

Thanks for reading 8-)

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bananafish (61) · 6 years ago

You spun this well, Tristan! Vartan purpose in journeying being in order to bring back items for his people gave him a lovely depth.

Then, you gave us the heartening journey to the square, witnessing the spark of life that his efforts returned to those who desperately needed it from the atrocities of genocide. (Vartan's heart shape with his hands was a great touch.)

The paragraph with Narek singing after losing his precious family would make a terrific story on it's own. (No pressure!😉)

Your build of Vartan's character, his efforts, kindness and dreams for the betterment of his people, made the gut-punch you delivered at the end all the more painful.

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tristancarax (66) · 6 years ago

I'm glad I could deliver that gut punch. 8-)

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f3nix (59) · 6 years ago (edited)

An immersive walk in Yerevan with an unexpected ending. I found the accuracy of your descriptions truly pleasant. Try to pay attention to the present tense/past perfect during the narration. Compliments for making us reflect on a tragedy of contemporary history starting from a fable context.