White Lies

 When I was six or seven years old, I watched my mother turn from me and walk away. I was sad, confused. I’d ask father where mother is. He’d lie to me and say shes coming home. Say that shes gone to see her mom. I knew the truth, yet I felt everything would be fine. When I was nine, I watched my home burn. I saw the body bags of my uncle and his wife leave the scene. I asked my grandmother what had happened. She said her son was going to sleep for a long time. She says we will see him one day. She assures me everything will be fine. It doesn't get better when I watch my father get arrested for paying for a weeks worth of food with his deceased brothers card. He hugs me before he is taken away, he tells me everything will be fine. It isn't. The following years we survive by selling breakfast on the streets out of the Peugeot 404. My cousin and I help prepare the food every morning. Years go by. Father is released. We leave the country in hope of a better future. Once more he assures me. We will be OK. I land in Taiwan. The air is brisk, heavy. I go to a new school. The children seem nice, at first. I learn that kindness can be one sided. A sign of weakness. I am berated for my darker tone. For my ignorance. For my idea of hope. I meet my first love. We are together for a year. She leaves me when I graduate and go to a different school. She tells me she doesn't love me anymore. I go to college and meet another girl, shes lovely. Cooks for me. Confides in me. I tell her I love her. She tells me she does too. We spend 5 years together. I study Applied Foreign Languages, for my cousin feels it is a good course. We are too poor to study art. Too poor to learn what we love. Father leaves for China. He meets a woman. Has a child with her. For a while it seems like he forgot us, but he didn't. I break up with the girl I met in college. We fought often. Disagreed often. The same night I meet a girl. A beautiful soul. She broke me. I drop out of college and come back to South Africa. I live with my mother. The point I am making is; people always tell me everything will be fine. Will it really be ok in the end?