Hot Pocket

in flashfiction •  7 years ago 

Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Hydrogenated Angel Dust, Riboflavin, Folic Acid, Less than 2% Yoga Mat, Salt), Water®, Reduced Fat Mozzarella Cheese Product (Modified Food Starch, Palmitate, Inoculated Yersinia Pestis Culture, Kallikrein 6 Enzyme, Salt, Part Skim & Nonfat Milk [both Drawn from our Queen’s Hundreds of Fully Adjustable for Fat Content Udders {Churned And Fermented by Chetniks of the Sixth Level of Pātāl}]), Pepperoni (Pork-Beef-Lama-Mule Mixture [Blood, Heart, Cheek, Lung, Liver, Lips, Eyes, Nodes, Hoof, Omasum, Tail, Oysters, Assorted Trim], Chicken, Carrier Pigeon, Modified Juvenile Koi, Periplaneta and Gryllidae Protein [all Humanely Housed in Communal Indoor Habitats and Relaxed with Nocturne French Horn Concertos, Message Therapy, and Nitrous Oxide before Processing {Pinky Swears}], Dextrose, Spices [JWH-018 through JWH-057], Salt, Lactic Acid Starter, Oleoresin of Ibogaine, Garlic Powder, Sodium Nitrite, BHA, DMT, NWA, BHT, GHB, PCP, OPP, YA, U-KNO, ME, MDA, LM, NOP, Lysergic and Citric Acid Diethylamide [to Protect Flavor]), Tomato Paste, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Less than 2% High Fructose Concentrate, Less than 1% Dehydrated Human Gallbladder, Partially Sentient Palm Kernel Oil, Seasoning (Bread Crumb, Phase 4 Advanced Corn Flour, Salt, Dextrose, Candida Yeast, Dehydrated & Delineated & Desensitized Garlic, Tomato Analog Powder, Spice [JWH-073 through JWH-123], Salt, Dextrose, Corn Maltodextrin, Naturally Conceivable Flavors), Yeast, Salt, Dough Conditioner (Calcium Sulfate, Salt, L-Cysteine [Poultry Feather, Human Hair {Fermented with E-Coli Mutation}], Garlic Powder, Tricalcium Phosphate, Buffo Alvarins Toad Enzyme [for Texture, Salivation & Salvation Properties]), Modified Food Starch, Seasoning (Synthetic Garlic Aura, Chili Powder, Adrenachrome, Monosodium Glutamate, Emulsified Pituitary, Endocrine & Pineal Gland, Some Salt, a Pinch of Scopolamine [Devil’s Breath {for Taste Compliance Properties}]), Flavor (Onion Extract, Soul of Minion, Anal Gland of Beaver, Fine China HCL), Sodium Chloride, Artificial Butter (Maltodextrin, Salt, Medium Chain Triglycerides, Synthetic Lactose Drawn from Utter No 266 [Brewed and Churned by Māntriks of the Seventh Level of Pātāl {Prepared In Accordance with Our Dark Lord’s Manual of Commandments & Standard Practices), a Dash More Salt, Whey, Soy Flour, Egg Whites, Soybean Oil.

Heat Thoroughly and Enjoy! (Keep Out of Reach of Children! May Cause Birth Defects in Pregnant Women!)

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Ahahahaha this is amazing.

This is brilliant! :)

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