There’s time and place for flirting. But in a relationship, there are strict rules about when it’s acceptable or not. Here’s what you should know.
Flirting is an aspect of behavior most of us indulge in. It’s a way of contacting someone in a way that implies physical interest, but the crucial word in that description is implies. It only ever goes beyond a certain level when there is a definite romantic attraction between flirter and the person on the receiving end. What about flirting with someone else when you are already in a relationship? Things can become much more contentious, although there are still red lines which cannot be transgressed. So here are the dos and dont's.
Third party flirting
A lot of flirting has nothing to do with sexual attraction. People do it all the time, from all walks of life, in a variety of social situations. When you climb aboard a public bus the driver might smile at you; maybe even wink or exchange in some banter. This is just their way of breaking up the day’s monotony. It certainly doesn’t mean they’re hoping to swap phone numbers before you’ve reached your destination.
Flirting is a way of touching base with someone you might’ve been attracted to in different circumstances, so you’d never do it to someone too young or too old. The rule is it’s ok to behave in this way with a subject who would otherwise show up on your radar of sexual attraction - although the crucial aspect is your radar screen is currently inoperative because you’re in a steady relationship.
By all means indulge in harmless chat with a neighbor, a work colleague, the young woman in the fetching uniform who delivered a parcel this morning. It’s an integral part of being an adult, and giving a jolt to one another’s hormones in this way simply makes the world go round that eensy teensy bit faster, if only for a few moments.
It is also permissible to flirt with a third party in the presence of your significant other, but this is something you need to be very wary of as it can very easily backfire. It could be acceptable at a dinner party among close friends, especially where there’s a lot of wine being served with the meal and all the guests are in high spirits. Sexual tension can crackle across the table, often suggestively, but no one will really be taking any of this too seriously. Flirting with a partner’s friend right before their eyes actually sends a clear signal that your actions are entirely flippant.
Jealousy
Flirting can be used to keep your significant other on their toes. It can instill a degree of jealousy, and where mind games between loving partners are concerned there’s nothing wrong with courting the attention of the green-eyed monster. But this aspect of flirting must be treated with great care, as there is a fine line between winding up your partner and making them see you in an entirely different light. If you overdo this you might well end up sowing seeds of doubt in their mind, no matter how subconsciously, that you are actually not that trustworthy.
Keeping it in the open
If there’s time and place for flirting, one environment where it should not be happening on a regular basis is behind your partner’s back. It’s understandable you might well enjoy a healthy, fun-packed relationship with other people, typically work colleagues. In certain circumstances, some of these exchanges might have you rolling about with laughter. If this is innocent banter, share it with your other half. Let them know all about your forward behavior when they’re not around. Nine times out of 10 they’ll just find this amusing.
But imagine how they’d feel if they were to find out from someone else and you hadn’t kept them informed of your wayward ways, no matter how tongue-in-cheek you were being? They’d wonder what else you were hiding. Remember, when trust is eroded in a relationship it can be a downward slope to a breakup.
This article presents you deeper thoughts about the do’s and don’ts of flirting in a relationship.