... love letters to the one who will never read them...
That day it was like any other day. Grey.
The ups and downs of life had been shuffling me here and there like the tide whacks rocks against the cliff. The monotony of emptiness with a slow paced metronome in my chest that had to be winded up a little to avoid stopping completely.
And there you came, your presence, virtual, but equally present. It brought so many thoughts all at once. Complicated thoughts colliding past and present. Two different people immersed in memories that were long forgotten. That were brought back to life. Shortly.
Your intensity, your emotions so powerful, your energy that invigorated me again, that unleashed my old forgotten emotions, my long forgotten feelings of passion and self existence. The hope to feel again something. The hope to be. The hope to be inspired again to want to carry on.
A hero that would save my emptiness and give me hope. Promises, future, reciprocated impressions and expressions of ourselves, hopes of togetherness, hopes of foreverness, hopes of everything we both wanted finally found.
Driving each other mad not having immediate answers, pushing faith and hope to the limit.
It was clear to me, that was it. I needed to look no further. There it was all I wanted by my side for the rest of my days. I didn't need to imagine more, as it had all been said for me. There it was, I could read it. I could feel it.
Days. Days that pass and time that blurs the initial emotions and the hero soon decides to become a villain, frustrated or angry, or afraid, or mistaken. Or angry for having mistaken, or frustrated for being afraid, or afraid of being mistaken... or who knows. We all have a path and follow different directions and lines of thought.
I could only talk about me. I was clear. ... and I think I still am, which in itself gives some doubt. The doubt of wanting to feel diminished before someone else's insecurities. I never made you feel bad even with all my baggage, I never blamed you for any of my past. You put me in very difficult situations. Perhaps you were searching for excuses to make me the villain. Perhaps I am, I never said I would be a hero or a villain, I have only ever been me. That's all I know what to be.
Time erased me. You transformed all that initial gift into a nightmare to destroy me. And decided you were more confident being the villain.... I would have rather you be the anti-hero instead, it would have been easier to handle maybe. But it seems I actually was the bad one.
It's like thousands of good people going to a war and fighting against each other being told the other one must be defeated.
But all I ever wanted to do is to love you. And I don't know at which time it all shifted or why.
You were my hero. Hero for a few days... and now you are a beautiful memory I cannot get out of my mind,...
... hoping that one day you come back to rescue me again...