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byn (63) in freewrite • 6 years ago (edited)

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6 years ago by byn (63)

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niallon11 (68) · 6 years ago

You are a very talented writer and have put together a really heartbreaking story full of pain and emotions. You have also managed to capture the love involved on both sides which is hard to do. So well done on such a quality piece of writing.

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1 vote

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wonderwop (66) · 6 years ago

Great to see you back @byn. Great #freewrite. 💕

I've been scent to deliver today's prompt 💌

https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-447-5-minute-freewrite-thursday-prompt-perfume

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anasav (60) · 6 years ago

Oh, this is so emotional. I almost cried. You are a really good writer.

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byn (63) · 6 years ago

Thank you. I'm glad I've still got the power to evoke emotions!

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1 vote

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curie (76) · 6 years ago

Hi byn,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

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shanedustin (55) · 6 years ago

Great good tugging at the emotional strings. Good writer, you should be rolling in stacks of cash.

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oliviackl (53) · 6 years ago

This was a sad story @byn. When I read the story, I felt the hopeless of sarah. Although she sense something not right, but she always motivated herself by painting some happy moment. But sad enough, the truth always drop by until the last breath of her which she knew that it no more hope. The only thing she could do was sleep peacefully beside her mother until the time come.

You have express the emotion well in a short story of yours, i love it very much. You always write this type of story? The storyline goes so well.

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hlezama (67) · 6 years ago

Very moving story. Hart to finish, but it was faithful to the premise. It remined me of Andersen's Girl with matches and London's to Build a Fire.
There is no possible alternative ending for stories like those. We see those outcomes once in a while on the news. I remember this story of a father who left mother and daughter in the car that broke down in frigid weather and went out for help.
As a matter of fact, for me it is a real miracel that this does not happen more often given the amount of people living and venturing in cold and isolated areas.
Our world is more hostile than we want it to be and we more fragile than we think. Our life here sometimes looks like "brief reprieves" (to use @d-pend's words).

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plantstoplanks (67) · 6 years ago

Heartbreaking, but beautifully told @byn!

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delishtreats (70) · 6 years ago

This is such a heartbreaking story. I know it's a fiction but I am sure that similar situations happen in real life too.

You were able to bring emotions and desperation with your writing. You have a gift of making the reader part of your story. Very well done!

Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your curie vote!

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steemitbloggers (72) · 6 years ago

We are SO proud to have you as a member of our
FANTABULOUS Power House Creatives family!
uvoted and resteemed!

❤ MWAH!!! ❤

#powerhousecreatives

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raj808 (71) · 6 years ago

Absolutely heart breaking byn. The writing was excellent and really immersed me in the mind of Sarah.

Some people might find the ending too bleak, but for me it was a fine example that sometimes stark realism is what hammers home the theme of a fiction. Really great writing.

Posted using Partiko Android

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byn (63) · 6 years ago

I thought from the beginning that it would be a sweet story... but that ending just didn't flow. I had to follow the story where it wanted me to go. I thank you for your comments and your support over the past year. You've been awesome!

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1 vote

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marvyinnovation (51) · 6 years ago

Belated New Year wishes @byn.

".....but that ending just didn't flow."

You are perfectly ✔

Because we can't force end a story in a positive way.

" I had to follow the story where it wanted me to go."

Hence the story ended NATURALLY thereby giving it a perfect💯✨

Hats off to you @byn.

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raj808 (71) · 6 years ago

You're more than welcome. I'm just sad I can't spend as much time on steem reading great writers as I used to. Be well x

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carolkean (66) · 6 years ago

Ditto that!
You all know I cannot abide tragedy and dark endings, and yet these are the most memorable stories. Who'd remember Romeo and Juliet if they'd married and had kids and died of old age after the family feud ended? *sigh

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freewritehouse (68) · 6 years ago

You've been featured in Volume #34 of the Freewrite Favorites!

Check out the post to find other freewriters to support and read some tips on getting past writer's block (if you ever need that!)

Thanks for participating in our awesome community & Keep Writing!

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juliamulcahy (56) · 6 years ago

Your story was all the more poignant as it was told through the eyes of a child. Haunting.

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byn (63) · 6 years ago

Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment! I appreciate the support.

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juliamulcahy (56) · 6 years ago

You're very welcome. :D

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maquemali (62) · 6 years ago

Hello there @byn!

Wow! Just wow! Overall, the story is very dramatic and emmence. It reminded me of the Super Typhoon Yolanda that hit our country years ago. I could just cry remembering that faithful day. Truly heartbreaking losing almost everything..

Posted using Partiko Android

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iamjadeline (69) · 6 years ago

This is so so so so so good write and good read.

My heart aches as I read on. And I do think there are life out there who face this. To pass on in the extremely cold weather. But to be able to write it out in story form is fantastic. 📝❤️👍

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worldtraveller32 (64) · 6 years ago

enjoyed your story very much. quite a tragedy foe sure. but was quite intense and i was on edge whole time i read thanks for sharing

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jhnmunoz (54) · 6 years ago

This is such a heart-touching story, it is just so well-written!

This post was nominated by a @curie curator to be featured in an upcoming Author Showcase that will be posted in about 12 hours on the @curie blog.

NOTE: If you would like us to NOT feature your post in the Author Showcase please reply, or DM me on Discord as soon as possible. Any photos or quoted text from your post that we feature will be properly attributed to you as the author.

If you would like to provide a brief statement about your posting, your life or anything else to be included in the article, you can do so in reply here or look me up on Discord chat (@jhnmunoz#2372). This personal addition to my article can be of great value.

You can check out our previous Author Showcase to get an idea of what we are doing with these posts.

Thanks for your time and for creating great content.

Johanna (@curie curator)

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byn (63) · 6 years ago

Oh wow! Thank you!!! Sorry, I've been mostly offline since Saturday, so I've missed the deadline to respond, but I'm thrilled with the feature. Thank you again!

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1 vote

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veta-less (67) · 6 years ago

Very sad story. I read and cry...

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janton (71) · 6 years ago

Howdy there Byn! wow, what a powerful story and so sad! Dang blizzards! You're right this really goes along with the post I did about the Great Die Off. I'm cold and chilled all of a sudden! lol.

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byn (63) · 6 years ago

Right? There must be something to the "great minds think alike" concept :)

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janton (71) · 6 years ago

Exactly. I like the way you think!

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