To Sleep (Freewrite Prompt: Grief)

This post was inspired by a nightmare I had a few nights ago, and I just couldn't get it out of my head so here we go!

---

I stared at the pills in my hand. Water. I need water.

Like a robot, I get and walk to the kitchen. Even this is hard. My head is foggy, my body heavy with a weight the outside viewer cannot see. This weight that controls me and causes my shoulders to slump ever so slightly. The invisible pressure that lays on my heart is too much to bare. It's been so long dealing with this feeling and not being able to sleep or even think, I don't quite know how else to make it stop. It's just for a few hours. Grabbing water, I take it back to my room.

Sitting on my bed, I avoid making eye contact with the photos of my family. They'd be disappointed if they found out, I know that for sure.

It's not a big deal, I just need to sleep. Sleep. My exhales become shaky. Sleep. Every time I close my eyes, its her. Sleep. I toss the pills in my mouth. I close my eyes and pictures and memories flash behind my eyelids and my heart begins to race. I miss her. My dreams are the only way that I can reach her now.

I need to sleep. Just for a little while, so the grief might pass me by. Just for a little while, so that I can be with her again.

---

Thanks to @mariannewest for this writing prompt.

---