Blurred - A 5 minute freewrite story

in freewrite •  7 years ago  (edited)

20180124_012411.jpg

He set the glasses on the small desk. Having them off made it easier for him to pinch the bridge of his nose. He found an odd peace in the blurred room. If only the despair too would have foggy edges, instead of the sharp ones that dug into his soul all the time.

“Daddy, daddy! Listen!” Came barging the little one, brightening the room. “Firecrackers!”

Unclear vision and all, he could see the excitement in the young eyes. He said nothing—forcing a smile—for he couldn’t find joy in those firecrackers that sounded suspiciously like gunshots. Rhythmic blasts leaving their echo behind to taint even further the late winter’s night.

He fought back the tears. He put on his glasses back.


My take on today's 5minute freewrite prompt: glasses.

Aaand yeah, going against the clock still feels stressful to me. This one was a little harder to write, had my thoughts all over the place so it turned out short and slow. Still, I like the turn it took. It's nice when stories write themselves like that.

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You captured what a lot of us veterans experience on the daily basis. Very powerful story.

This was a surprisingly complete and heartbreaking read for a five minute freewrite. Wonderfully done.

I was surprised by the outcome too hahaha
Thanks! I really appreciate the comment :)

i've been able to move towards that battlefield,hear those machine gun bursts and i've been able to feel how main character memories remains torment his mind.
Thanks for writting it and sharing

I like your interpretation! And thanks for reading :)

Wow. This is a VERY strong visual!!! Fantastic writing!

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it :)
Thank you for your comment!

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

You created some uncommon moments of introspection. I'm not used to read between the many freewrites touches of intimate authenticity like this one:

If only the despair too would have foggy edges, instead of the sharp ones that dug into his soul all the time.

Keep writing, I wish to read you again and welcome!

Thanks! It came on its own but I'm glad it did. It adds a deeper layer to the story, doesn't it?

Thanks for the kind words! :)

A great piece of writing. It leaves the reader wanting to know more.

See what you can do with this one
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-97-5-minute-freewrite-wednesday-prompt-bowl

Thank you!
And thanks for the link too, I'll try that one a little later :)

Welcome in the freewriters community! Very moving story, I can feel the sorrow of the father, who tries to shelter the boy from his pain

Thanks! It is an exciting exercise and the result is surprisingly acceptable! I'm glad I jumped in. Also, I'm glad you enjoyed the short story :)

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You told a whole story in this piece. Well done!!

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

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I was definitely caught up in your story and I would love to hear more if you want to keep this going! Great job in 5 minutes.