Hi friends!
I am happy to respond to @owasco's short story contest. I hope that other writers will support this great initiative as well.
The prompt
"Ugh! The bread is soaking wet! Bread is not supposed to be soaking wet!" he snarled at me as he spit a soggy mouthful of half-chewed peanut butter sandwich into a tissue. I stood at attention next to his bed. He handed the sodden and heavy tissue to me.
He was now vegan, grain free, nightshade free, lectin free, phytic acid free, and deaf to my feeble protestations. He was not free, however, from his acutely tuned palate, which was maddeningly different from mine.
He had requested a peanut butter sandwich. I knew meeting all his new diet criteria would be a bitch, but I rose to the challenge. I had to.
I chose a very small ten-dollar loaf of 'bread' and bought it. I bought some raw peanuts. I shelled the peanuts. I soaked, sprouted, and dehydrated the peanuts. After very lightly roasting them, I ground those peanuts into peanut butter. I then very carefully smeared the freshly ground peanut butter onto the somewhat normal looking bread. I made sure to get the peanut butter to the edges just like I had learned in home economics class long, long ago.
I knew how to make a proper tea sandwich.
I now spent my life trying to make this man happy. I signed up for that didn't I? Wasn’t that my reason for being? To make this man happy?
Well, he was not happy with that sandwich.
My continuation
It was long since we were everything for each other. Back then, I loved cooking for him and seeing him happy and well-fed. A path to man’s heart comes through his stomach.
Well, I captured his heart. Now what? Over the years, we’ve grown apart and gone our separate ways. He stopped doing little nice things for me like bringing me flowers or taking me for a surprise romantic dinners. Everything that left from those times was the memories.
Well, not only the memories but also expectations; his expectations.
How could I imagine in the times when we’ve dated, that he will end up being like this: rude, demanding, dry like a crouton. Besides, now, he’s also bedridden and, thus, three times more demanding and, honestly, annoying as hell.
Is the purpose of my life in making this man happy?
Hey Mr. God? Don’t I have a higher purpose than that or just because I came out of his rid so to speak, I am destined always make him ribs or, in this case, a peanut butter sandwich.
I don’t think so. Right, Mr. God? I don’t hear your answer, but I guess the silence is a sign of an agreement. For I am sure should you have objected, you’d find the way of letting me know.
So what can I do? What can I possibly do to rid myself of these obligations? To live for me. I could find thousands of interesting things to do. If only I could be ridden of this demanding vegetable, that veganny, grain-free, nightshade-free, lectin-free, phytic acid-free vegetable.
Wait… what if? I am just saying "theoretically", just as a hypothesis… What if he’d eat something that is NOT grain-free, NOT nightshade-free, NOT lectin-free, and for sure NOT phytic acid-free? He just needs to take a bite of it and… Well, of course, I’d have to live through some unpleasant moments: police, funerals, different inheritance formalities. But then... then I am free as a bird. Ah, what a wonderful life I will have!
In the morning I will have a cup of the most wonderful coffee, then go feed the ducks at the lake, then go to the gym (I have a couple of extra pounds no one needs to know about). Then deep tissue massage, manicure, pedicure, rest. Then I go to the mall and check the prices. Well, maybe if I see a good outfit I can now buy it and no one is going to snare at me. In the evening, I’ll go to a dancing studio and practice my moves. Then, then… yeah….
But …hm… it’s against the law and children are not going to like it. Ugh! I guess I’ll go and buy for him another loaf of bread for his damn peanut butter sandwich.
I love the reasons she gives for not killing him
As if it weren't for those little details she'd go right ahead.
Good work!
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Thank you! Tell you the truth I stole this line from an SNL skit. It was so tantalizingly attractive. )
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Like Raskolnikov, you'd likely have gotten away with it if only you weren't driven to confess:)
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well, I risked very little. More importantly, it's a funny skit and I was glad to an opportunity to show it to you. )))
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I wonder if I could ask for a favor and please don't hesitate to tell me if I'm asking too much. It won't change anything at all.
I wrote a story that is demanding when it comes to language and where I traveled to the very boundary of my English universe. So I was wondering if you could take a look at it and maybe put in the right word where his majesty the English language requires it.
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Sure, I'll give it a go. I'm on the freewriters discord under the same name.
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Thank you! I was trying to search this community on Discord but couldn't find it
Is there some kind of link that I can follow?
or I need your number that goes next to your screen name. For example, mine is #0718
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My apologies, I rarely sign in. It's DB
#9390
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I sent you a friend request in Discord. My id is mgaft1#0718
Just in case my email address is [email protected]
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Хах) Интересное развитие истории, хоть и простенькое. У меня пока нет никаких идей... может, появятся.
Вспомнилось, как в Москве я однажды купил попробовать арахисовое масло. И кленовый сироп - слышал, что эти два продукта любят в США и Канаде.
Не впечатлило. Ни то, ни другое. Вообще. Никак. Ноль эмоций.
Шоколадная паста - вкуснее)))
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Советую прочесть вот это
https://steemit.com/freewritehouse/@deeanndmathews/i-just-wanted-him-to-be-happy-my-response-to-the-pop-up-wewrite-contest-with-sandwich-prompt
а потом вот это продолжение. Эта дама описала все очень зашибись, даром что темненькая, а мозги варят только так!
https://steemit.com/writing/@deeanndmathews/weekend-freewrite-2-15-2020-single-prompt-option-continuation-filthy-rich
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Very good story, @mgaft1! I didn't want to read it until I made my version. When I was planning to kill him, I thought... Oh, I'm not the only one who wants to kill the "old man" and, like you, I ended up leaving him alive. If you put yourself in that woman's shoes, you're really heeling towards trying to end martyrdom.
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Yeah. I think they are somewhat different though. In your version, the lady actually decodes not to kill because she's tormented by her consciousness. In my story she's just doesn't believe she could go through with the plan because she doesn't have the strength and the resolve. It's too dangerous. )))
Hola!
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Ah, the easy way out: not killing the oppressor, but continuing to be oppressed, day in and day out. Instead of buying some toxin, just buy him another loaf of his bread. Now, THIS sounds familiar. But I really don't know how many apparent heart attacks may have been induced by a miserable spouse. The plot thickens...
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That is true. Many wives contemplate murdering their husbands, but it's not easy to actually execute it.
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Every time I think of the same hypothesis of yours, there comes a phrase from my daughters: "no one sent you". You better hope that I die for sure God listens to your pleading with a little bit of luck, the prisons are full because of that there is no such thing as a perfect crime. In jails there are many cockroaches and mice.
Hola @mgaft1
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Hola @lisfabian,
That is true. Life is tough, even without prison. )))
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Awesome! Thanks for the entry!
I imagine your character has this fantasy pretty much every single day, then comes back to reality and goes home to tend her husband. There are in fact many such breads to choose from in the stores. For a short while I had that in the prompt story then took it out, so it's cool that you picked it up. Your character will never escape, she'll just keep making those sandwiches. Poor thing.
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Well, it's one thing to think of it and totally different thing to actually do it. That's already a different type of character - the one who planned to get rid of the husband all alone. This lady just wants to be left alone, she's tired of routine and boring life, but she's no criminal. )))
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So she kills herself slowly and feels very grateful and sure her fear goes beyond something religious I loved. It is a sure story of many women and men too. Comfort zone or just genetics. This gives for much more I fell in love. But not with the old grumpy man.
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Yes, a quiet, repeated, accumulated sufferings. We hope we are born for love and happiness. But it rarely happens in real life.
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I was hoping she would do it. Although I certainly never could.
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This is at the same time bad and good. The thing is, this person is good-hearted, responsible and conscientious. If she'd be a different kind: more decisive, more cruel, more selfish - she'd do it a long time ago. And it didn't have to be murder, she could just divorce the man and take half of the combined income.
But there's got to be something that prevented her in her earlier years, maybe love, but more likely economics. I could have speculated on it, but the 750 words limit didn't allow me. )))
The good thing is she didn't commit the crime. For a conscientious person committing a crime becomes a horrible tragedy. That's what Crime and Punishment is all about.
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Dostoyevsky! I never understood what on earth he was trying to say, maybe even especially in Crime and Punishment. That's the one with the guy who kills an old woman who lent him some money, right? Then he goes nuts from the guilt - that one? Can't remember his name, but it's long and starts with an R.
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Yes, Raskolnikov. He was basically thought that the old hag was completely useless and even harmful for everyone. And having her money he could have done some good deeds. He also thought that be it, Napoleon, in his place, he'd not waver for a moment if she stood an obstacle to his plans.
But let me put it this way... Raskolnikov wasn't Napoleon. He was a conscientious guy and, if anything, wanted to prevent his sister to marry a man she didn't love because his sister wanted to do it because she could help him.
But when he did kill the old hag, he experienced horrible torments of consciousness and that was his punishment. He couldn't even use the money that he stole as he became nauseous even thinking about it. So when the detective eventually figured it out and sent him to Siberia to do his time in penal servitude, he felt relieved. )))
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Yikes -- your story pre-predicts my story's character's future!
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Wow, I read your continuation. It is pretty brilliant. Your mind works for a longer format. That's it. It was a real pleasure to read. Excellent work! Simply beyond admiration!
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Thank you; I likewise enjoyed your stream of consciousness by contrast to what your character actually decides to do!
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Great interpretation to the wewrite. Yeah buying another loaf of bread was a good solution. 😂
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ahahah... It's so nice to fee that you are understood. )))
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This is good - she considers murder, but ultimately decides to just continue on, leaving things as they are. I feel sad for her.
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Thanks. Yeah, I tried to read the prompt attentively and to me, it seemed that the abused lady didn't have a strong enough core to go through with the plan. Should she have it, she'd do it earlier. Statistically, I think this type of abuse more often than not ends only at contemplation. Otherwise, we'd have many more murders than we actually have. )))
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Very true!
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