An outsider

Is it just me or does everyone at one point in life has felt like an 'outsider'. It is not permanent but it still hurts like an heartbreak. No matter how much you try to blend in, you still feel like you don't belong there. May be because of your upbringing, culture, personality or sometimes race. I am not blaming racism here, and no one does this on purpose. I have been both; 'an insider' and 'an outsider' so I know how it feels on both sides.

It gets difficult to talk on topics with people here in USA when I am born and brought up in India with different ideology and culture. No matter how 'open minded' we say we are, somewhere we are still 'shy' on topics like sex and live in relations. I have no idea how to react when few of my friends talk about sex in car or finances the couple manage with a kid when they are not married. Likewise, I know my friends have been surprised/shocked when I said I have had an arranged marriage, where the guy and girl both haven't met but we get connected through our parents. I know this raises lot of doubts and I understand because I had the same doubts before I met my husband but that's a different topic to discuss on later.

I sometimes feel like I am trying too hard to blend in or not trying at all. No matter how much I try to have conversations, my accent or pronunciation takes the fun out of it. May be this is why, I feel comfortable with people who will know and understand me better (Indians). But living in USA, me and my husband have always tried to reach out to people here, so we get to know their culture and life better. Not a success or a failure in that. Somethings are beyond understanding sometimes. But in all this, end of the day I am always going to be an 'outsider '? Or do I have a real chance in getting closer to my friends here instead of just having a 5 minute casual talk.