Hello, hello beautiful people.
How's everyone doing?!
Remember the dramatic end of my friendship with my bestie A from Inn? Well, guess what! She didn't stop there, and a couple of days back, she made it even worse. I thought that if I'd give us both some time and space, she could've cleaned her mind and her heart of all the negativism, that she alone created, and gain a better view over our friendship. Even though I haven't spoken to her in a while, last Saturday I decided to write her and ask if I could take her baby girl, A-L, for a walk. I didn't do it because I wanted to bury the hatchet between me and A, but because I love the little one, and considered her family. So I chewed and swallowed my issue with A and decided not to punish the baby girl for her mum's mistakes. She was thrilled when she saw me, and vice versa. We had such a good time together: we played in the park, ate ice cream, went for some shopping (gifts), and after I took her back home to her folks. Standing at the door and saying goodbye to the little one, A told me that she'd like to clear things between us. I didn't answer nothing and responded back with a smile, like "Yeah, we'll do it, but not now." She texted me one hour later and told me again that she wants to clarify the situation between us, but this time specifying: NOT TO BE FRIENDS still but to say some stuff that bothered her at my personality all this time we were friends, and move on.
Whaaaat?! Wtf, dude!!! What does that suppose to mean? You want to talk to me now so you can complain about my wrongs from the past?! NOW?!!! She didn't even mention flaws or mistakes; she said "some stuff"...
In the beginning, I didn't know how to react to her message and replied that it's not necessary to justify herself to me, adding "Let's keep the beautiful memories we have together, and move on. You wished me well, and so did I." After more than a decade of explaining things over and over again, just like you do with a toddler, I choose to treat her with a bit more heavy hand than before, and that, she didn't like at all. (Also because I am tired of her continuously acting childish and selfishly especially in some particular fragile situations.) A is the kind of person who wants to be more wanted than valued, and for as much as I tried to explain to her that there's a big difference, she never understood the meaning of my advice. On the contrary, she accused me, again, of judging her bad qualities more than her good ones which means that I think that she's a monster.
"A, my dear! Again!!! Please stop putting words in my mouth that it never even crossed my mind. Open your god damn eyes and maybe for once in your life you could look at things from my perspective. Stop putting yourself as a priority in my life. You're not, not anymore!!! To this point, sorry to say it, but you're nothing more but a nice memory to me. Happy we cleared out that there is nothing left to fix in our friendship... We can both move on with our lives. "
People who have done you wrong and who are not aware of their strengths will always think your shitty moods are about them because of their self-doubt and unstable past. Let me give you a small example of a situation with me and A so you can understand what I'm saying... We were in S working together, and because of a misunderstanding I had with a colleague who hated me, but with whom A was "friend" she comes up with an evil plan to hurt me. I was with my ex F at that time, and our relationship was being envied by a lot of people because we were beautiful together, so she gave my phone number to another girl to call me and pretend to be F's lover, and told me that I should fuck off. I knew it since then that A's easy to influence, and I didn't blame her for the plan she started to put in motion against me. After a while, she also confirmed that she likes to do something nasty, malicious from time to time (God knows why!). So I forgot this attempt of her destroying my happiness, just like many others, and kept on loving her like she was my blood. When everyone turned their backs on A, I stayed by her side and showed her she could trust me. Just like me, she was a broken person. I thought we could help each other, but no matter how many times I've shown to A that I forgave her for hurting me because I care about her, and we can leave the past behind but learn from it, it just wasn't enough. She never forgot her past, move on, and identify herself as a new, better person. I get when people make mistakes, we all do, I have plenty myself too. Nobody's perfect, but we can learn from our weaknesses, improve them, and begin all over again as many times as you need till you discover who you indeed are, and embrace it. Sadly, even nowadays, she still doesn't know who she is and all the beautiful things she's capable of doing. What a pity!!! I hope the best for her, I still do, and always will...
"The wounds are still healing, so why in the name of God would I listen to you complaining about my flaws when you repeatedly said that there's nothing left to fix btw us and that you don't want to be friends anymore?! Are you fucking kidding? This approach of you to speak with me is ridiculous, and besides, it's a bit late, don't you think, A?!"
I'm sorry I gave up on her, but I'm confident that one day she'll see through my eyes and understand my reasons. From the bottom of my heart, I wish A to learn how to accept her imperfections and perfect them.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say, ladies.
Luv, M.
