1) Lie
Yes. You need to get this basic foundation down. You need to lie. Fuck your moral code man. It's time to lie!
2) Say that it worked for you and therefore will work for others
Whatever it is you're talking about or trying to sell, you absolutely must say that it worked for you.
You gain some specific results from it. And because it worked for you, you therefore must shove it down everyone else's throats that it will work for them.
Does it matter that others are different from you and require a different solution altogether? Of course not! YOUR way is THEIR way! Make sure they know that!
3) Steal and use famous logo templates, like this Sundance one
No one would be the wiser!
4) Answer questions like Donald Trump
In other words, you don't even have to answer shit!
5) Get testimonials from your friends or readers, but manipulate them into writing it in a way only you want
Some asshole marketer asked for a testimonial from me once. I gave it to me.
His reply was, "Hey Alden, why don't you write it this way instead?" and then pretty much wrote it himself.
That is why you need to stop believing in testimonials. It's mostly pre-fabricated bullshit.
If you want an honest opinion, check reviews, not testimonials.
6) Back your shit up with statistics, numbers and shit
Like, 74% of people in Singapore have claimed that, in a recent research by the government they believe everything they read online.
See what I did there?
7) Back it up with "research" through inbound links
And your research can be merely answers from Yahoo! Answers or from Quora.
Then you do this: "According to this, this, this and this it is real and true."
Put in a shit ton of links. People will think that you're so cool because you did your research.
8) Just bullshit to people that you make a ton of money from it
Whatever bullshit lies you come up with, just say that you make a living from it. Say you're rich from it even.
People won't dare to question you because most are unfulfilled and unhappy.
9) Don't use facts. Use your one real experience
Bam! The anecdotal fallacy bitch!
That's about it for now!
Peace,
Alden
Thanks for writing this. One thing holding Steemit back right now would be the bullshit artist. People come along, they believe this bullshit, they start to bullshit, we're all stuck with bullshit, they steal their bullshit, start competing over who's the bigger and best bullshitter, more people come along and believe this bullshit, the bullshit rises, the bullshit is then bullshitting people into how to act... and all we're left with is bullshit.
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Yeah I think those bullshit people are from tumblr ,they are worshiped on that echo chamber website, watch out if they all start pouring in on here....you'll never hear the end of their deluded fantasies. And they will get your fired if you call them out on their B.S
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I had to fire someone (mute) over some bullshit the other day. Doesn't feel good, but that's the effect of this bullshit.
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That Donald Trump quote as an example was hillarious! It's just mindblowing that you can spew bulllshit like that and be taken seriously!
Very entertaining article, it made me wake up and read it all, like I often unfortunately don't.
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Funny and I've come across many posts and articles like that over the 15 years being online. Mostly on tumblr and feminists blogs xD
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There you go lol. Says it all.
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