TRY NOT TO LAUGH "Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'"

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here.'"

 

"How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, 'Ribbit, ribbit' and a horny toad says, 'Rub it, rub it.'"

 

"On all of my medical forms growing up my dad wrote 'red' for my blood type. To this day no one knows my actual blood type."

 

"A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'"

 

"What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1"

 

"I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, 'You.'”