Looking at dog..
Mum : I'll buy him a gold/diamond leash and collar.
Me : Dog-napped comes to mind, Mum..
Mum : A bedroom full of different dog beds.
Me : His upper half of the body sleep on bed while the lower half is everywhere else.
Mum : That's the point.
Me : Imagine floor covered with beds OH...
Mum : More humping soft bears too.
Me : Why are you training him into being a "philander"?
Mum : Set the aircon to the lowest temperature and have him wear winter clothes all year round.
Me : Pretty sure we have an advertisement on TV about the environment and conserving resources...
Mum : Hire someone to pick up his poo and wipe his butt!
Me : (btw, that's my job to do) That i don't mind! Bwhahahahaahah
Mum : Replace his teeth with gold.
Me : I'll bet ATM, he's praying that you never strike lottery lol.
Me : WAIT! WHY WOULD YOU BE SPENDING ALL THE WINNINGS ON THE DOG?!?!