Little White Lie Leads to A Pain in the Arse

I was on the way to the barbers 💈. My usual guy. Barbers in Ireland are inherited. If you go to a different barber then your father will excommunicate you and kick you out of the house. The only time you are allowed go to someone different is if you live in a different country. Now this doesn't really matter to me . I don’t do all the bells and whistles. Short back sides, maybe shorter in the summer and I’m good for another 6 weeks. My barber is called Eddie. A stocky man with a mustache that loves Miami vice and would looks like he should be in it.
He’s the kind of guy that would pull off a medallion. Black 1970’s hair, frozen in time like he wants to stay in the decade. The decade when he was a hit with the ladies!! Wooooooo. Hairy chest. Loves rugby. A bit like Tom Selleck.

I like going into Eddie because he talks the head off you about everything and anything. He’s alright at the hair cutting as well. He’s no Peter Marks but he can cut hair. The last time I went to him he gave out to me for coming in just before he made coffee as he had to postpone his break. The older generation.
This particular day there were 4 coffee cups in the car that I needed to get rid of. There were no bins outside Eddie’s barbershop. So I took them in with me and what I said next was a mistake.
How’s it going Eddie!

Can I throw these in the rubbish?

They were outside the door there

I had to say it. I told him I found the coffee cups outside. I was weak. After I asked him could I put the cups in the bin he gave me this funny look so I had to come out with the They were outside the door there line.

Eddie looked at me with a weird look while cutting an older man’s hair.

Where outside?

Just at the door I said.

I had a look out there two minutes ago and there was nothing outside

Dunno I said, They were out there

I sat down and picked up a newspaper. Had a read and thought that was the end of the line of questioning about the coffee cups. I am drawing a line underneath that little lie. Mission success.

People have no sense of pride anymore,leaving coffee cups outside my establishment.

The old guy started to weight in.

The world is gone mad Eddie.

What kind of fucking person would think to leave 4 coffee cups outside my shop Martin??

I stuck my head deeper into the newspaper deeply regretting my little side step. If I had just ask him could I use his bloody bin and not add a lie but then we were getting into the whole you are dumping your shit in my bin sort of argument. Clearly waste disposal was a touchy subject with Eddie. The old guy got up and did a little hop from the chair that every old guy does in a barbers and paid for his hair cut.
I was next.
And did you find them to the left or the right of the door as you are looking at it now?

Ammmmm , the right as I am looking now but the left as I was coming in

Jesus Christ I can’t believe that. I was only just out there

Eddie looks into the bin and takes out a cup.

What’s that say? I can’t find my reading glasses?

Starbucks

But there isn’t even a Starbucks in Clonmel!!

True I said.

So how did they end up outside my place?

For fuck sake I thought to myself. Leave it go. He didn’t even touch a hair on my head yet,as he was too busy rummaging the bin.

Eddie if you can’t read that bloody coffee cup I’m very scared for my scalp I laughed

Eddie didn’t laugh. He was pissed off about coffeecup gate.
I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Never has such a little white lie gone downhill so quickly. I was only hoping he didn’t find his glasses and notice that Paul was written on all 4 Starbucks coffee cups. I started sweating when I saw his reading glasses in front of me on the sink. I was his only customer and I knew that when I was gone he was going to go into deep detective mode with the fucking coffee cups. He would find his glasses and the game was up.

The glasses had to disappear. It was either me or the reading glasses. Eddie used to always fiddle with the radio to find some obscure radio show or some Jefferson Airplane type music. As soon as he started turning his back to me , I slipped my hand out from under the black gown and swiped the reading glasses from the sink. I was covered while I fumbled them down into my jocks . I never robbed anything before in my life. This wasn’t robbing. This was saving face. It had to be done. The truth must not get out! No one will ever know how the coffee cups came from my front car seat to Eddies rubbish bin. Never ever.
He did my hair after a few more questions. When he was finished. I jumped out of the chair. The reading glasses started becoming free in my jocks and I swiftly clenched my buttocks to hold onto one of the reading glass temples. There was a cliffhanger moment going on in my jocks while I was handing over the cash. I then had to walk out of there. It was slightly funnier walk than normal as the reading glasses temple now started ascending in the opposite direction. When I finally escaped from Eddie’s shop , I contemplated the choices I had made that ended up with me first of all robbing Eddies reading glasses and then secondly ending up with a part of it rammed up my rectum.

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