Billy's Wild Ride

Billy’s Wild Ride

November 1, Year 2532-
Young Billy sat atop his roof alone that night, staring into the city. Looking over the Chicago skyline, he noticed someone using Apple’s newest creation, the iHover-Uni-Shoe 92X. (Ironically, it was less of a shoe, and more like a strait jacket, as it required you to put both feet in at once.) The man was soaring across the city at record breaking speeds, over 600 miles per hour! The shoe made him fly, twist, and glide all around the sky. It was obvious to Billy that it would be impossible for him to survive without one of these bad boys.

Billy decided he was going to work his tail off and stop at nothing to get a sweet shoe like that. He figured the best way to achieve his goal was to get a job, so he made a list of interests.

He had always loved the way painting made him feel; it was so liberating and therapeutic for him. Billy found that just observing Georges Seurat’s intricate and beautiful Pointillism scene, A Sunday on La Grande Jatte, would slow his heart rate and put him at ease.

Billy decided to put painting at the top of his list. Excited and ready to pursue his career choice, he looked up the average earnings for a painter. Billy saw that the average painter only made about $12,000 a year. Billy thought maybe it was time to change his priorities. There was no way he could afford an Apple iHover-Uni-Shoe 92X with that kind of salary, so he decided to throw his life-long aspiration out of his mind and into the trash! At the end of the day, Billy truly NEEDED the iHover-Uni-Shoe 92X.

Billy thought long and hard about what would make tons of money, but he couldn’t think of anything. He gazed over to his wall, and noticed the periodic table poster that his mother had hung up when he was younger, to help him out in Chemistry. Bing! A light went on in his head. He decided he was going to become a doctor! Billy absolutely hated biology, chemistry, and pretty much every science, but he just couldn’t say no to that big ol’ salary. Billy grabbed his number two pencils and got ready to learn!

January 1, Year 2533-
Billy had been studying at the University of Chicago to become a doctor for a total of two months now. His skin was beginning to break out in acne, his hair was falling out, and he hadn’t brushed his teeth in two weeks. He was beginning to look like a mad-man, but he was obsessed with the idea of getting an iHover-Uni-Shoe 92X!

June 21, Year 2541
At this point, Billy had graduated. He suffered through the entire education process of becoming a doctor. He looked like a piece of cheese that had been left out in the sun too long, rotten and stinky. Billy now hadn’t showered or brushed his teeth in over 7 years, but he didn’t care. Due to the high demand for doctors, the hospital ignored his hygienic issues, and hired him anyway.

July 10, Year 2541
After waiting for an agonizing month, today was the day, Billy was going to receive his big pay check! Billy speed-walked to his manager at a record pace, took the paycheck from his hands, and drooled at its beauty. Billy hopped in his car and sped off to cash his check, then to Best-Buy to pick up the iHover-Uni-Shoe 92X.

As soon as Billy got to Best-Buy, he ran straight to the Unishoe section (he had been there multiple times to admire the product in all its majesty), picked it up, brought it to the front counter, and handed the clerk a fat wad of cash.

He rushed out of the store incredibly excited to try out his new toy! Billy ripped open the packaging like a wild animal, throwing the debris up into the air. He was shaking with anticipation as he slowly slid his feet into the Uni-Shoe’s slick chrome body. He couldn’t wait. As soon as he had his feet strapped in, he turned on the Uni-Shoe.

Billy’s excited face quickly turned to despair when he realized that he hadn’t read the instructions, he had no idea how to fly this thing!

The Uni-Shoe’s rockets blasted out from the back, igniting the debris Billy had left on the ground. Billy shot up into the air! WOOSH. He was miles above the ground before he could even think of what to do. The Uni-Shoe was dragging him behind, giving Billy absolutely no control over what he was doing. The shoe twisted Billy around, doing a barrel roll into a nearby pond.

Billy struggled to surface gasping for breath. Somehow, he made it out of the pond. Gasping for air, Billy laid on the ground. His vision started to blur slowly, then, he fainted.

July 11, Year 2541
Billy awoke the next day in a hospital bed. His eyes darted around the room searching for answers as to what was going on. He looked down and noticed that everything below his neck was in a cast; he took one heck of a blow.

A nurse walked in to his room to explain the situation to him. Billy would be in a full body cast for six whole months! It was at that moment that Billy realized what a mistake he had made. He had spent all this time obsessing over a silly toy, thrown his passions out the door, and turned his body into a potato.

Seeing that Billy was in the distress, the nurse asked him what he liked to do. He explained that he once enjoyed painting, but gave it up in pursuit of a higher paying job.

The nurse asked if painting would make the recovery process easier. He thought about it. “Yes” he said to the nurse.

“What was that? Oh, also, would you like some breakfast?” the nurse replied.

“I’d love some breakfast. And yes I said yes I will Yes” Billy replied anxiously.

“Alrighty, a paint-brush and breakfast it is then”

The nurse promptly left the room on a mission to restore poor old Billy’s passion. Ten minutes later the nurse returned. She spoon fed Billy his breakfast, and then put the brush in his mouth.
Billy spent the rest of his time in recovery mastering the art of mouth painting, perfecting his craft so no one could top him.

January 11, Year 2542
After waiting for an agonizing six months, today was the day, Billy was going to get out of his body cast.

Billy learned a lot in these six months. He finally realized that life isn’t all about material things. He learned that you don’t need all of the latest gizmos to be happy. In fact, “if you don’t use em’ right, they might kill yah.”

Billy had simply become a puppet to the system, a piece in the game. In the end, he learned the hard way that he controlled his own destiny, and that his passions and interests were more important than societal influences.