White House Denies Our Previous Report, We’re Sticking With It

in funny •  4 years ago  (edited)

William Southold | Opinion Columnist |The Southold Report
“Speaking fiction to power one story at a time.”

Yesterday we reported that the president suffered back spasms as a result of attempting a TikTok dance move. Later that day, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany denied that. And even later, President Trump signed an executive order which would ban TikTok unless it was taken over by an American company in 45 days.

When I asked her about our original report, McEnany made the following statement:

“Listen. You write fiction. Your byline states that you speak “fiction to power”. It is Fake News. There is no one more powerful than President Trump. And he is fully capable of speaking his own fiction, and issuing his own Fake News. You are bush league compared to him. So yes, we deny the accuracy of your report.”

We are sticking with our report, and in case you missed it, here it is again:In a Zoom conference with the Top 100 Young Republicans, Trump was demonstrating how he wanted to infiltrate TikTok with a dance challenge he called “The I Can’t Get Enough Of Trump Big Mac Challenge”.

Stuffing a Big Mac into his mouth, Trump was busting a move to J. Cole’s “I Can’t Get Enough” when he choked as he tried to end with a full mouthed shout of “Trump!”. His eyes flew open in surprise, doubling over backwards in pain.

Onlooking sons Donald Jr. and Eric proved to be of no help, it was reported, as they broke out in peals of laughter.

The president refused to be taken to Walter Reed Medical Center, insisting on finishing off the remaining Big Macs he had ordered for the demonstration.

Central News Service, proudly bringing you the fakest news anywhere, featuring our very own Pulitzer Prize winning Fake Newsman, William Southold
(CNS Disclaimer: Mr. Southold has in no way won the Pulitzer Prize.)

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