A Geeky Dad's Movie Guide to Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

in funny •  8 years ago 

This weekend I took my 12 year old son Timmy to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

Because she thought it would be too scary, my 10 year old daughter MJ had no interest in the movie. She made an excellent choice (although even if she had wanted to go, I would have said "no"). The movie would have been way too frightening for her.



Even the poster was a little too creepy for my daughter.

With all sequels, I like to put my review in perspective by giving my opinion of the previous installments.

The original Pirates of the Caribbean was released before I had children. My wife and I chose to see it in the theater. It wasn't my favorite movie, but we were entertained.

While we were trapped in the house with an infant, we rented the second installment. Although it was better than changing diapers and soothing a crying baby, we didn't love it.

By the time the third was released, my wife and I felt we needed to see it. We were wrong. No one needed to see that.

As a result, I never watched the fourth movie.

Somewhere along the way, the Lego Pirates of the Caribbean video game was released. My son loved it. This lead to his watching the movies.



These Lego games do a great job of incorporating humor.

Because he is a kid and doesn't mind plot holes, over acting, and action sequences that test even the best imagination's ability to suspend disbelief, Timmy loves all the movies in the series.

Therefore, this father-son trip to the cinema had absolutely nothing to do with the actual movie for me. I had zero expectations for the movie to even be watchable. I just wanted to hang out with my son and hopefully watch him have a good time.

Mission accomplished!



To a job well done. Cheers!

Luckily for me, the movie was actually better than I had expected. It was definitely better than the third installment. I think I may have liked it as much as the first or second movie... because it was pretty much the exact same movie.

Johnny Depp overacts and portrays an absurd semi-drunk, semi-heat stroked, semi-insane, lecherous pirate. There is a young would-be pirate who must find and eventually help Captain Jack Sparrow. There is also a pretty (yet tough), young British woman with dark curly hair who is the love interest of the young man. The woman has something that will help the pirates find a supernatural treasure. The heroes are up against evil supernatural pirates as well as the British government. Captain Jack ends up in many situations that lead to slapstick physical humor and...



Wait!


This is literally the exact plot of the first movie. I know because it was just on TV last night and I had it on in the background.

Clearly this movie is aimed at kids. Not only do children not mind repetition, they crave it. (That is why they can read the same book, listen to the same song, or watch the same Happy Little Elves cartoon 1 million times). Therefore, my son loved it.

It seemed that the more absurd the action, the more he smiled. This of course lead me to smile as well.

Within the first 10 minutes, the writer and director make it abundantly clear that the audience will not be needing their brain for the next 2 hours. I obliged and let mine take a little vacation. After all, my brain deserves a break! I'm constantly asking it to do pesky things like think before I speak, solve problems, and come up with ways to get out of doing yard work.


Screen Shot 2017-05-30 at 3.07.25 PM.png

Once it was established that at best the movie would be mindless fun, I actually enjoyed myself.

Although it is getting a bit old, Johnny Depp is still amusing as the Keith Richards/Pepe le Pew hybrid he channels to create Captain Jack.

The special effects are truly amazing. In addition to the ghost ship, the parting off an ocean, and battles involving partially formed pirates, there are some incredible effects involving undead sharks.

Even though it is utterly ridiculous and completely unrealistic, there is plenty of action. I don't think there is one 15 minute stretch in the entire movie where there is not some type of action or slapstick comedy.



I wish I could add the Bennie Hill music... and make all the young people on here understand that reference.

Like many people, I used to love The Three Stooges... then I grew up. Some people still haven't totally grown up and continue to enjoy this type of physical humor. I honestly think that is wonderful. There is nothing wrong with keeping a little bit of your inner child entertained. In fact, I whole-heartedly endorse it! If you enjoy slapstick physical comedy, there is plenty of it in this movie. I now know my son loves physical comedy because there was a point when I thought he might actually pee himself laughing (by the way, he didn't).

Seeing and hearing my son have such a good time was the real value of this movie. This movie was not written for me. It was written for him. The best I could hope for was that I wouldn't fall asleep or feel I had thrown away 2 hours. Neither of those happened. He enjoyed it enough for both of us.

Anything that ends with your son saying, "That was awesome! I think that was my favorite one!" can never be a waste of time.



My son looked happier (and more sane) than this.

If you can completely turn off your brain and simply enjoy the humor, action, and visual effects in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales I think you will have a good time.

There are a few "Easter eggs" throughout the movie. Without spoiling anything, take a really close look at Jack's relative who he meets while in prison. Also, the last five minutes are great if you enjoyed the earlier movies. Finally, there is a pretty cool scene after the (incredibly long) credits.

Geeky Dad's Movie Guide (Please note, this is based on me 100% turning off my brain. There is no way I could have watched this movie without that essential step.)

Number of times I fell asleep: 0
Number of eye rolls: 0 (My brain was on vacation)
Number of face palms: 0 (My brain was still on vacation)
Number of times my kids asked to go to the bathroom or get food out of sheer boredom: 0
Number of times I checked steemit: 0
Number of times I said "That's ridiculous": The entire movie is ridiculous
Did my kids like it: 12 year old son: Yes!!!! (He said it is his new favorite of the series) 10 year old daughter: Incomplete (It was too violent and scary for her to see.)
Would I see it without my kids:No chance. My son's joy was the only reason I enjoyed the experience.
Full price/Matinee/Rental/Free/Not worth the time: Seeing my son have so much fun made it worth paying full price.

Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

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Thank you for another great review, even if it wasn't a great movie. The family value of the movie is needed just as much as great critique. The reader knows what to expect and can see your bullet points at the end to help them make their own decisions. Nicely crafted. Thanks HSF.

And thank you for using #steemnews. We've resteemed and shared this article on our social channels.

Thank you for the support! I really enjoy writing these from a dad's perspective.

🍒 This is the first time I read one of your articles and I loved your movie review style, it's funny and adorable, also your disclaimer was very important:
"Please note, this is based on me 100% turning off my brain. There is no way I could have watched this movie without that essential step." xD hehehe
I have only watched the first movie of this saga and it was very entertaining, my favorite scene was when Jack Sparrow arrive with all the attitude on his sinking boat, for me one of the best gags ever...

Now THAT is how you make an entrance :D

Very true. That was a fun scene! Thanks for the kind words.

Hello my friend
Thank you for writing this beautiful story
I almost watched a part 2 of this film
It is good to look for the third part and the fourth part
thank you my friend

You can skip right to this one without missing much.

I really want to see this but have to wait until it comes out on dvd, Love Johnny Depp as Captain Sparrow, the part was made for him :)

Yeah he really seems to have fun playing this character.

He does a lot for charity dressed up like Sparrow :)

I did not know that. That is really cool.

He turns up at hospitals to meet children, he is amazing lovely man

Happy to see that it wasn't awful. The franchise seems to be running out of steam a little bit. Or is that steem? :)

LOL. We will never run out of STEEM!!!

It looks like they have two more planned. Not sure how they will mage that... but my son is looking forward to it.

Great article! Excellent example of the kind of original content steemit crucially needs. Following you and upvoted!

Thanks! I enjoy writing this kind of stuff.

I saw this movie with my daughter.
We enjoyed the movie.
After seeing, we forgot.
That was nice

I hope you enjoyed it! No matter what It is nice to spend time with our children.

I am trying google translate. I hope it works well.

나는 당신이 그것을 즐겼기를 바란다. 무슨 일이 있어도 우리 아이들과 시간을 보내는 것이 좋다.

We were wrong. No one needed to see that.

LOL!!!

--

I love the way you get the life lesson in here again that you just use these times to spend time hanging out with your kids, it is such a good lesson you keep imparting here.

LOL. Thanks! Pretty much everything else is just details.

" Details MATEY! Arrrrrrghh!!"

I think you meant

LOL

You are awesome dude.

RRRRRRRight your are... about the details.

LOL, Nice.

I am trying to find merej99 some housing help for her trip behind the scenes on her post right now.....

Thanks for the information. I haven't seen the Pirates of the Caribbean.

It can be mindless fun.

The best part of this post is when you mentioned the lego game I didn't know about ^^ I am not sure I will watch the new pirate movie... We will see :)

The Lego games are incredibly clever! You should check it out. Great games for kids.

My son is currently playing the nexo knights game. He really likes it :)

My son is a big fan of those too.

My boy just discovered the franchise as well. I like your approach, I think I will try to turn off the brain and enjoy the movie through his eyes. cheers

I assure you it will be better than trying to think about what is going on. LOL

I watched the first 3 then stopped because I was afraid the quality dropped off too much. I liked the first but the others not as much. On another note I have a cousin who has had dreadlocks for 15 years. He hates the Pirates series with a passion because people started asking him if he was copying Johnny Depp. I appreciate the series existing just for the ability to tease my cousin.

That is hilarious! You are my kind of cousin!

Yes super it's my favorite movie

Cool. I'm glad you like it!

This sounds like such an excellent father-son adventure!

"Because he is a kid and doesn't mind plot holes, over acting, and action sequences that test even the best imagination's ability to suspend disbelief, Timmy loves all the movies in the series."

I guess I must be a big kid at heart, because I tend to enjoy movies without being too critical. Of course, there is one exception:

If I'm watching a "serious" sort of Science Fiction movie - i.e. "hard" science fiction - I do get upset when I see obvious violations of physical laws, especially if there is no acknowledgement of some reason for it. For instance, in the first Star Trek movie, there was a blatant violation of Newton's "laws of motion" that really threw me...

Other than that, I love "suspending my disbelief" and enjoying the show. And yes, enjoying it with a child or grandchild makes it all that much better!

Thanks, @hanshotfirst, for sharing your delightful experience. ;)

😄😇😄

@creatr

I'm with you. I don't mind turning off my brain when I'm with my kids. But the new Alien movie drove me insane with some of the stupidity!

  ·  8 years ago (edited)

I haven't seen that one... Not super likely to do so either, as I generally find the "horror" genre off-putting. ;)

P.S. I did recently enjoy "Passengers," however... :D

Really. I did not like the previews but I like the actors. Maybe I should give it a try.

"Passengers" didn't have any of "those moments" where I felt they could have hired a high school physics student to review the science...

I was disappointed by "Interstellar," but felt that "Passengers" had a great and quite believable story line. Plenty of human (and robotic/A-I!) interest, beautiful sets and CGI, and a satisfying outcome. (I'm a sucker for happy endings!) :D

I've seen a lot of really bad kids movies, so I try to set the bar at "mildly entertaining." Since this one is on my kids' list -- and since I honestly enjoyed the first two -- I'm looking forward to seeing it. More so now after reading your review. 😀

I think you are going into it with the right mind set for sure. Glad I could be of assistance.

I hope you have fun with your kids!

I will see this one at some point. I am a bit dissappointed it wasn't a bit more serious. I thought the first one did a great job of being mostly serious with humor sprinkled in... the ones following seemed to get more and more ridiculous, though still enjoyable. Just wish they had stuck closer to their original theme.

Hey @jrcornel I think this one had a darker side to it but I think on some occasions the silly humor was too much but worth a look.

I will be sure to take a look! Probably not till it comes out on Redbox though.

Good point. The first was an adventure with some humor. Now it is basically a vehicle for physical comedy and special effects. Still ok but I preferred the first.

i love pirate of the Caribbean.... Thanks for sharing

Cool. This is basically the same as the first with some updated special effects.

wonderful

Your kid is living an awesome childhood hanshotfirst. Definitely. :)
I'm tempted to binge watch 'cos I also remember my childhood, hehe.

I agree with you, the first set of movies were definitely awesome. With that, I'm excited to know the this new one.

Thank you so much for this guide! Even though I'm not a dad, I'd still follow this guide because you preserve your inner child as well and that's awesome! :)

Thanks! I really do try to feed my inner child as much as possible. Sometimes even here on steemit!

Phhh what a funny movie analyzation, @hanhotfirst!

Thanks! I enjoyed finding the pictures quite a bit.

A really good read thank you for sharing.SEMI SPOILER!!!

Saw the movie and through the whole thing I wondered why the son of the Flying Dutchman's caption is having so much trouble with the undead and why isn't dad there to help.

Yeah I had MANY questions. That is why I had to turn off my brain. He should have been there to help!

I was shocked that he didn't help halfway into the movie.

I lost interest in the entire project since Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly left the movie, i hate actor replacement: it kills vibez!

When it comes out on video, watch the last 5 minutes. ;)

5 mins!? Dont you mean 40secs... lol

LOL. Well there is the post credit scene...

Will sure do that.....

Thank God my 15yr old has zero interest in this and we can just do what we love most... Making video games.
This was a great read though... I'm really diggin your content.
Upvoted
Steem on

Thanks! Yeah one of my students said he saw it this weekend and hated it. Looks like the demographic is Junior high.

Unless your Junior high student fits the demographic of MIT graduate....then it's a whole other world. This kid can program in 17 languages...all self taught too. At least he's patient though in regards to watching what his younger siblings enjoy

That is awesome! I want my kids to get into coding so bad.

I wanted him to get into music personally...lol
But coding has really let him find his place in life...we've been making games for 2yrs now and have already released a couple on to Steam. Now we're experimenting with VR....it's amazing

That sounds so cool. What a fun father son hobby/business.

You never know, maybe he will use his tech knowledge to do a little music production. Possibly for the video games?

Nah.. That's my job...lol

Perfect!

Always been a fan of the movies. I'm excited to take my kids to see this one.

Cool. I hope you enjoy! How old are your kids?

8, 10 and 16. Yeah, I think they're gonna love it.

Good review, great read. I actually have enjoyed all of them, probably 1 the best. While I was at Disney World Hollywood Studios, I saw a preview for this and it was a fantastic 12 minute preview so I am really looking forward to seeing it. I love it when I have low expectations going in so that I can be that much more surprised when it is good.

Exactly! I just needed it to be a little fun so I could enjoy hanging out with my son. I set a low bar and it surpassed it.

I heard Johnny Depp actually went into the Pirates of the Caribbean ride in costume and surprised a bunch of people riding it.

nice....you deserve resteem and upvote...

Thanks!

u r welcome..

"and come up with ways to get out of doing yard work."

Ha! Me too - a broom to me is like cryptonite. Great review, btw - superbly written, as ever :)

it's funny i vote you

I agree that the first 2 moves were pretty good, I liked that swashbuckling sword fight within the giant wheel in the 2nd movie
you are very lucky to skip the 4th movie, it's much worse than the 3rd

haha kids are strange. When I was a kid my favorite movie was the multi oscar winning Street Fighter, you know, the one with Van Damme in it lol