1 John asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heaven?"
God replied, "$1 million."
John asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?"
God said, "One million years."
John asked for a penny.
God said, "Sure, in a minute."
2 The economy being messed up, women are donating their eggs at an increased rate. Do you know how much you're getting on average? $10,000 - $15,000. That's a Toyota Corolla 2009 right there; that's a good car. Guys can donate our stuff; we get $100 or arrested -- depending on where we decide to donate.
3 Little Eddie asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Eddie`s father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."
Two days later, Little Eddie walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.
Eddie says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"