Captain Crunch "Writers" Need To Step It Up Or Relocate To Hollywood For "The Emoji Movie 2"

These guys have got to be unionized.

If it's comedy, then you and the Cap'n ain't makin' in happen.

I know that the standard society allows kid's material to be judged by is fairly low. Of course, we don't expect complex plot or character developments, subtext, nuance or anything else we already don't expect from most of the Hollywood schlock we (us Americans) make successful at the box office.

Ahem.

I'm also well aware that the back of an (ostensibly) kid's cereal box is neither the place for high art nor the type of venue likely to attract top talent. In short, the budding Shakespeares of the modern era who have been displaced by the destruction of traditional print media are probably not lining up outside the "Snapple Bottle-Caps Animal-Facts Line" or the Lucky Charms warehouse.

Nevertheless, I think we need to have much higher standards for the quality of material we expose children to, because as South Park notes, a form of media doesn't need to be violent or sexual to be a bad influence - being exceedingly stupid may well be damaging on its own.

Let's look at what spurred my particular complaints this time.

Exhibit A...and A is for "awful."

Here's a nice "joke" intended for our spry, 8 year-olds getting their Saturday morning sugar fix. But, what's the joke? If you said "reference to a long-defunct TV show from the 70s that nobody under 35 years old has ever seen,", then circle gets the square!

Rest assured this is no fluke. The authors of this cardboard opus wanted to guarantee, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they they really don't give the slightest fuck who their target demographic is.

After all, I am pretty sure that #Gilligan'sIsland is one of the most reliablty popular hashtags in the millenial word.

How could a kid not find this hilarious?

If you're a struggling monkey, looking to take your shot at randomly face-rolling your way into composing a modern rewrite of Shakespeare (perhaps, with Claire Danes), look no further.

Perhaps you and the Cap'n can actually make it happen.

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Sources: Google, Morons
Copyright: Captain Crunch, Fantasy Island, Gilligan's Island, Emoji Movie