Perhaps your younglings can make your planet worthy of joining the Empire.

Greetings loyal followers.

As you know, I am contemplating what the Empire should do with your planet. Some of the options are to assimilate your planet into the Empire, milk your planet of all of its resources and enslave almost all of its inhabitants (aside from the few Imperial loyalists I have discovered on the steemit.com platform), or simply destroy it.

The final decision will rest on how loyal and useful I personally feel your inhabitants will be.

As you can tell from my numerous amazing transmissions to your planet, I am willing to help you all to decide that it is best to mindlessly follow me without question like good little sheep who will be rewarded for their unwavering loyalty.

You're welcome.

My executive assistant Vera, whose loyalty is inspired by her utter brilliance, has informed me that there may be a group primed to be indoctrinated with the ideals of the Empire.

Apparently, every four years, the youth organization known as "The Boy Scouts of America" holds a large festive gathering for its members. Our intelligence indicates that there will be over 40,000 younglings, ranging from ages 7 to 18, in attendance.

Perfect!

Based on research conducted by our very competent and amazing scientists (as opposed to your Earth "scientists") the Empire has determined that human children who are 7 to 18 Earth years old are at the prime age to be indoctrinated with the righteousness of the Empire's beliefs and goals. Our terrific scientists have found that your human brains are not fully developed until the age of 25. One specific area of your primitive brains that develops last is the decision making portion of it. That means it will be very easy to manipulate the minds of the attendees of this BSA meeting and shape them in the Empire's image.

Lucky them!

Vera has convinced me that I should conduct myself a little differently from the last time I was in front of a group of younglings.

Based on transmissions we have received from your planet, I don't think it will be difficult at all to sway these younglings to follow me. I will simply use sarcasm, insults and adult themed innuendos to convince these children that they should pledge their allegiance to me. If they do, there will be an outstanding and tremendous outcome for them and perhaps your entire planet... if you are lucky.

I already have some experience with encounters with representatives from the BSA (lucky them).

On one of my visits to your planet, I met with this leader of one of the group's many factions:

I had ordered these troopers to shoot the person making a visual record of this data. Big surprise... they missed. Two of them then shot each other.

The leader was so impressed with me (obviously... who wouldn't be?) that he presented me with the honor of one of his troop's "badges".

Obviously in this language "citizenship" also means "domination" because that is what I am going to do.

After "encouraging" that troop leader to follow me, he introduced me to his troopers.

It was very easy to convince these younglings of my righteousness, greatness, ability to attract large crowds, the hugeness of my hands, and that I am so amazing that I never even have to tell anyone how amazing I am. I also added that all of their moms want me... even if they don't know it yet.

Vera just informed me that the summit is ending tomorrow (she's simply the best). I must make haste in order to ensure that I can speak to this captive audience of highly impressionable younglings so I can indoctrinate them with the Empire's dogma.

I just hope no one beats me to it.

Images

I wish there were a shorter word for "a large festive gathering".
MEGA
That kid ate my cookies!
Ready, aim, miss!
Badges?
Shaping minds