A gold standard for comedy? I have a cunning plan..... it does involve money.

How to measure laughter, an empirical approach.

As Helen of Troy was so lovely her beauty could sink a thousand ships then a good measurement of beauty would be a Helen as seen here. Isn't she lovely?

This could sink a thousand ships, but can be divided into Milli Helens, Micro Helens and even Pico Helens for those not so fair of face.

As for Atto Helens, lets not go there eh? An Atto Helen could only sink a leaky rubber duck in the bath of the Elephant Man.

It follows that a measurement of comedy would be a Giggle. This could be subdivided into kilo giggles, mega giggles and peta giggles, this would be totally incapacitating and would require medical attention for triple projectile incontinence.

This would need a standard Giggle to be placed in the Paris measurement dept where the standard metre and kilo are kept, safely in an airtight and temperature controlled vault. The gold standard for one giggle would be the time given for the person giggling to bore the arse of everyone by repeating the comedy lines or joke until it was no longer giggleable.

It would have a half life with could be measured by the audience response of the Glasgow Playhouse when Rangers and Celtic had both been beaten at home, or a live munitions dogfight between the USN, USMC and USAF at the next Tiger Meet. The USAF, oh dear....

I am asking for a great deal of Steem Power to fund a double blind study of this, this does include the long term lease of a new Gulfstream G650 to transit myself and some Helens around the world, the ones who gift me the most Steem will accompany us. Guaranteed, you have my word as a dedicated comedy scientist.

But this fate awaits those who do not contribute.... what can I say?