I’m definitely not a fan of spiders. In fact, many things that start with an S, I tend to stay clear of. You know – Spiders, Scorpions, Snakes, Sharks and my father’s ex-wife Sanet.

They just appear out of nowhere, I get a fright and then I use words no educated girl should ever use. The psycho in me comes out and woe betide the Spider prowling in my house! I don’t think Spiders are pretty or useful unless they’re a splat or swimming in poison – like DEAD. How can you love anything with eight eyes and hair that scurry in the dark like a thief!

They're not pets

So… I understand some individuals, breed with spiders (and other S things) and keep them as pets. Understand is the wrong word. I don’t understand it and I never will. Let’s say rather it’s something I know, but don’t comprehend. Let’s just make something clear. SPIDERS and SNAKES are NOT PETS. You can’t take then places, you can’t play with them in the park, they can’t fetch a ball, they can’t alert you of danger and they don’t jump, bark and look happy when you get back from work. They can’t keep you warm in winter and they can’t comfort you when you’re sad. You can’t take them on long walks with you and I don’t think they should be kept in a glass box and fed for fun.

This is just my opinion of course, but I don’t get it, I don’t understand it and I don’t think I ever will. If you’re sitting there reading this post while lovingly stroking Hercules, your tarantula or Slinky your pet boa – Good on you! To each his own I say, but you should know that you and I can be never be close friends.

Better safe than sorry

Up till last night I haven’t seen a big spider in or near my house for a while. Also, it seems the black widow spiders are now hopefully living next door or got a really good hiding spot far away from the psycho lady with the poison. In South Africa we have gargantuan, revolting, creepy (and yes, some of them actually are deadly) Arachnids. I’ve executed those who dare to cross my path in many different colourful ways.

I’m not completely heartless. Once I caught one in a plastic bowl to set if free across the road. (No, the plastic wasn’t see-through! Can you imagine! No.). When it started scurrying around I stomped on it anyway. Just in case he has a big family (which they do!) and remembers where I stay. Better safe than sorry I say. What if it wants to take revenge?

The unwelcome visitor

Last night we had a visit from a massive wolf spider. If you read up on the wolf spider you’ll see words like opportunistic, robust and agile, pouncing on prey, chasing over short distances, very painful bite, carries babies on its back. So not only is this creature an opportunistic hunter that pounces on its prey, has a painful bite that burns like nobody’s business, it also comes with its own posse!! I won’t accommodate a robust hunting-party that lurks and waits for the opportunity to pounce on me, my husband or my babies.

The Wolf spider
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They carry their babies on their back
Image Credit

I'll be your Superhero

So... I armed my husband with a can of poison and clear instructions and kept a safe distance with our girls. He’s not a fan of spiders either and this was a big one, but he went forth and conquered!

Little girls should have a superhero. My father was my first hero. Much like my husband was to me and our girls last night. He rid my path of spiders and other S things. Since then my father-in-law has saved me from a ‘S’bat. My brothers and an ex-boyfriend at one stage or another employed their shoes or even brooms. But the hero of the moment is my husband.

While I huddled with the children at a safe distance (with the Jaws theme song ringing in my ears) I looked at him and thought of this Afrikaans song instead. It’s called Superhero by Eden. Some of the lyrics consist of and roughly translates to: “Can I be your Superman, Batman and Ironman. I’ll look after you in the dark. I’ll be a hero for you. I’ll take on the world and be your hero. The hero inside me will fight like a giant. It’s only you that makes me a hero.”

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Not only does he save me from ‘vicious’ S-things, he also brings me flowers and gifts and shows me that he loves me in so many ways. He’s my hero-husband and our children's hero-father who makes our world a better place – one spider at a time.

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