I Hope She Brings Me a BigMac
I'm not sure what to do today. Maybe I'll sneak into her office again and use the computer. Yeah! That's a great idea, but first, I better get a juice.
Why didn't she make me Kool-aid! What am I supposed to drink today? Water! I better call mom.
Hi, mom? You stupid bitch! Why didn't you make me any juice before you left this morning! You know I can't function without juice, mom! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Shut your stupid hole. Don't do it again!
"Make your own, sweetie," she says. I guess I could try.
Sugar, Water, Juice Mix, Stir!
That wasn't so hard. Mom made the sugar bag too heavy though. She'll have to clean that up when she gets home. I don't know how.
I'll check Facebook first. Hmmm, no new messages. These people are assholes. I better update my status.
Just washing my car and getting it ready for the weekend, then I have to workout. So busy! If any of you ladies want to come out later, text me. Ciao!
Mom better have that car cleaned up or I'm going to be mad! That bitch always hits the puddles and I don't want to hear this stupid, "it rained," excuse again. She should take the bus if it's going to rain. So stupid.
Someone Liked My Status Update!
Success! I deserve a drinky-poo! Where did the bitch hide the vodka this time?
Is it in... this drawer? Nope. Is it in... this drawer? No. Are those shit stains? Mom, you're a pig! Maybe it's under the bed this time. B-I-N-G-O and vodka was his name-o!
I'll just add the rest of the bottle to my juice. It doesn't look like she had much since yesterday. Maybe I'll leave a bit in the bottom and fill it with water so she doesn't know. Genius!
Purple drink, check! Vodka, check! Mouthwash for added kick, check! I love the smell of these markers too! Wow! What a rush!
Showtime!
So who should I be first? Iwuvmommyvotes or subjecthamster? Decisions, decisions. It doesn't matter! I already told everyone which accounts I use and they see me having conversations with myself all day. I'll close my eyes and choose.
Hmmm, here's a post about traveling. It would make sense to leave random intelligent commentary here, indeed. What should I write?
I eat poo!
Haha! That will teach them to be mean to me even though this person has never heard of me!
Ah, a post about chicken casserole. This should be fun!
Mom isn't home yet!
Hahahaha! They're probably so offended right now! This is awesome! Okay, calm down. One more before I hit up the markers again. Oh look! Photography! I bet they will care about what I have to say!
I fucked my mom!
Oh shit! I made a typo! They're all going to think I'm an idiot! Wait a minute... why isn't this working now! I can't edit! I better call mom!
Hi, mom? Did you forget to pay my internet bill again you stupid bitch! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Make sure you get it done, mom! You have to be responsible if you want to keep your job as my parent you know! I'll call the cops, mom!
"Get a job, sweetie," she says. I have a job! I'm trying to save everyone on the blockchain from the boogieman! Soon they will adore me! I will own all the cryptocurrency and get all the bitches and have fresh made juice every morning... for the rest of my life!
Moohu hahahahaha!
Moohu hahahahaha!
Moohu hahahahaha!
Good one. Thumbs up. And upvote , of course. From bot. Hey,but I read a post. Haha.
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I'd say thanks, but I don't have enough thumbs to say it properly so I'll improvise using my fingers.
Ten thumbs up!
Thanks for the support and I'm happy you got a chance to stop in and check this out.
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Hey...send Mom over to my house will ya...I'm outta juice!!!
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You won't like it! She doesn't use enough sugar!
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This made me laugh!
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I was hoping so! I had a good chuckle myself while putting everything together. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Oh God, hahaha! I'm surprised you don't have a whole section of hidden comments on this post. One from liveretarded, one from livelikeajackass, one from toiletpapermonsters, and one thousand from ilovespamandwillcontinuetospamtillthedayidie
(It did make me snicker that they managed to get under the skin of a whale to the point this whale made an angry post about them, I was slightly impressed)
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The little one seems to leave me alone. It was probably nap time when I posted this.
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You got upvoted by the very one I was talking about, and he upvoted my comment, that's awesome!! People with a good sense of humor rock. That's probably why I rock..I meant you, why you rock ;)
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That one had my back awhile ago when I took a flag bomb from a high up. It's been awhile since I've seen the name on my list of votes.
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Yeah, he's another one who has been catching flack around here by the 'angry people'. One of the first actually, I defended him in a post way back when. How many people's accounts were lifted up by him when they first started out? I'd be willing to bet it's in the thousands, and I was among them.
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I'm doing my best to remain neutral. In Canada, we let people duke it out fairly. People will always find reasons to hate on others and I'll admit, sometimes the reasons don't make sense to everyone, but whatever. I think I'll stay out of any drama that doesn't involve me personally.
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You spoke your peace yesterday. I finished speaking mine today. We did our part.
I'm just going to keep doing what I do. The only effect this is having on me is I'm going to wait to post my 'steemit journey so far', see if things settle to give it its best chance. Which actually I am just shy of 10 vests/5000sp, so I may as well wait to add that to the milestone mix anyway ;) Which also means I'll be celebrating rep 66 instead (I'm at 65.8...funny but there's a few people whose reps I once regarded with awe that I've recently passed, and a couple more I'm on the heels of----getting better at this confident boasting stuff lol)
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...and it appears I posted this when only a handful of people were around! I think I'll troll myself now!
"Self! You're an idiot!"
.... I know.
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Great! Another another new reward system - like the wild cards, dog bones, and angel wings! The folks handing those out have been really generous in trying to supplement their limited voting power. It's great to see you get up with this trend, too! Looking forward to seeing these spread all over Steemit comments now! Will you be transferring Steem to the winners of your great award, or will you be asking them to transfer money to you? ; )
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The shit will do. I'm proud of my shit and I do hope people will pass my shit around. My shit is contagious. A reward in itself.
I often wonder though. Why are folks so hesitant on viewing my shit? So much to see, so many little jokes. I stared at this for the first hour wondering what I did wrong. So I figured some self deprecating humor was in order. It's easier to laugh off what looks like failure and it appears as if that strategy works. Now to just take this little story elsewhere to get the views I think I deserve and it's mission complete.
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If I could figure anything out about Steemit viewing habits, I would have it made here. Well, I still wouldn't be posting enough articles, but there's no fixing that without re-making myself, lol. Laughter is the only way!
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"Self! Didn't you win second place in a writing competition recently? Loser!"
Yes.... Maybe I should have wrote a post bragging about that instead.
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It's not your post, it's steemit in a big old funk thanks to a few opinionated jerks that I'm beginning to think are going to run the platform straight into the ground.
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Opinionated jerks never get far. Don't worry about, whatever it is, you're worried about.
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Juice is the fuel of the trolls it sounds like! Does that make me a troll?
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Depends on the juice. Fresh squeezed or fresh powder? From concentrate or from a laboratory?
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TRUTH, Trolls would always use the fresh power; It is quicker and leaves more time for trolling. Not sure about the second part!
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Trolls probably snort these fake juice crystals to speed of the process further and become addicts. I think that solves the riddle. I believe their attitude problems stem from withdrawal symptoms.
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Poor trolls, addicted to crystal juice! If only there mother told them not to snort powdered juice :(
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I don't think mother has time to deal with this kid....
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