In The News: Thank You for Being Honest You Shit Posting Trenders

in funny •  7 years ago  (edited)

It's not everyday someone enters a community just to advertise how fake they are.

Thank you.

Because of you, we have more time to do productive things with our lives.

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Let's Start With a Lesson

Because learning is fun!

What is a trender?

Screenshot (356).png
Look, trenders! You can even get a mug from the Urban Dictionary!

Does that ring a bell?

I also found this:

Screenshot (357).png
Sounds about right.



So here we are in this brave new world.

A world where the fakes scream:

"Hi everyone! My name is so-and-so, I'm fake as fuck, and I'm proud of it!"



Hello Trenders!

I see you!

Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule, spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars per week, just to tell everyone how fake you are.

I am so impressed with your honesty!

Back when I was in high school, if one of us called any of you out on your bullshit; you would go into denial mode, you'd want to fight, you'd cry, you'd change schools, or even move away to a new city.

We've come a long way since then!

I love progress.

It's like we all get to watch a surprise Fake Pride Parade roll straight through our living rooms everyday now!

I love parades!

Thank you.



Making It Rain

While being surrounded by people who love money too!

Thank you for being honest, again!

You took all the money from where your mouth should be and put it on the sides of your head to make some flappy ears so you could fly around the room up above everyone else just like Dumbo.

Genius!

Everyone knows, when choosing a business partner, it's wise to pick someone who does responsible things with their money.
Still cheaper than a plane ticket!

We've all seen those fancy rap videos where the cool dude dressed in his favorite costume starts spraying dolla dolla bills ya'll all over the rooftop penthouse patio that has a pool in the background where their lady friends swim.

You're just like that! Except you forgot about the part where you have to pick the money up after and put it back in your pocket. Oops! Rookie mistake. It's all good. Shit happens, right? Don't worry about it.

You're forgiven because all you did was tell everyone, "If I borrow a dollar, I ain't paying you back because I'm broke as fuck and that will never change. See! Look at my wallet! I spent it all on proving how fake I am in this brave new world that finally allows me to be me! Every last dime! Gone! You wouldn't happen to know where the nearest payday loan shop is, would you? I got a future check to cash and more shit to say."

Well, since you can't fly now, you better take the bus!

Here. Have a ticket. It's on the house. You'll be there in ten minutes!



Thank You

For all you do.

Life is so much easier when the trash sorts itself.

I used to hate sifting through the waste, looking for the good stuff to keep.

These days the good stuff like what's worth money goes in one pile, saving the environment and the future goes in another pile; we can still use that; then the rest puts itself in the black plastic bag that it is and hauls itself to the top so people know what to throw out! This living in the future stuff is amazing!

I have more time to do things with my family now!

The best part is: The trash pays for it!

It's like a self cleaning oven in here. They just burn themselves and go away. Problem solved! We don't have to eat pizza again tonight!



What a way to leave a legacy on an immutable blockchain.

Your great grandchildren will see this someday!

Daddy? What was your grandpa like when he was young? I heard he was an internet famous writer.

We don't talk about that man is this house!



You get a call from a reporter:

"Hi! I discovered your blog and I have a few questions I'd like to ask. We're from the largest network in Los Angeles!"

First question: I noticed you earned $800 for a short article and a few pictures. What's it like to be well-loved by so many adoring fans and how do you do it?

Answer: Uh. Yeah. That. I, uh. Next question please.

It's your first day on the job.

And you already flushed your career down the toilet!

We better just move on to the weather report!



To Conclude

 

Thank you, trenders. You do so much for us here, it's a thankless job, and I just wanted you to know there's someone out there rooting for you.

You will forever be remembered for your honesty and integrity. Advertising your true colors like this must have been a difficult decision to make but I'm sure you're happy and can at least sleep easy at night knowing you don't have to hide who you truly are anymore.

Again...

Thank you.

Can I have a hug?

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Flappy Dumbo ears lol!!

But remember... It's the only way to get traction... After all I have been here 3 days and can't get traction without it...

I thought they wanted subtraction. Doesn't giving money away mean: less money? :)

Hahahaha, now you are confounding us with these mathematics

If I had one apple and you had two apples. While eating my apple I ate both of your apples, then finished my apple. How many assholes would be in the room?

Is it 2? One big one that has one!

Correct! Only one asshole with an asshole would let another asshole eat all the apples.

Does the asshole eat with its ass?

I don't know what you do with your bananas, I don't care, I won't judge; just don't do it around me.

I forbid myself to click on the trending button.
Fuck that shit, my time is too precious.
But you got my support in harassing and pursuing them.
Love <3

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

Reading trending posts is a special kind of torture, you have a much higher level of pain tolerance than I do. I took a peek today and OW MY EYES, I hurried away before they started bleeding....ohhh that's why your new avatar weeps blood, I get it!

masochist. lol!

That's what I'm up against. The struggle is unreal.

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

It's what all of us purists are up against. But I no longer believe anything we say will make a difference, they don't give a shit about anything except their delusions of grandeur that eventually they'll stop having to pay for the votes and get real ones. Because everybody wants to read eight hundred dollar posts yelling at ausbitbank for questioning their quality, whining in the comments about 'what about the other guys doing the same thing', clueless enough to ask what a trending post should look like. Dude they are fucking hopeless. They're draining your energy, which means they win. Raising your bloodpressure, which means they win. Your words are suffering because the focus is on them,which makes people think about them, when they shouldn't be thinking about anyone but you when they come here. Definitely not those wastes of space and resources.
The first several months I knew you, you were about the art-which you still are, really fucking good ar, art that has improved, gained layers- but you were also about being this cool, hilarious, doesn't give a fuck, entertaining bastard. I miss This Man. I even miss That Guy. Schmucks are getting face time that rightfully belongs to the fantastic characters you made. Or Himself, or just nonames.
When I first joined, this place was utter magic. I wasn't making shit for rewards, it wasn't about that, it was about the cool ass people I came across. I remember when I first stumbled on your blog, pictures of you with This on your chest with a lead in that left me in anticipation. That did not disappoint. I felt like I'd entered an alter reality where cool fucking shit got painted, weaved into stories, took me on a trip to other places around the globe, and drew me in to another world. Your post with dreamweaver has stuck with me. What was the title of that again? Actually, you should re post it, I'm requesting. Few people got to enjoy that.

I've been heartbroken for a long time. I'll admit it.

I had people coming to my blog, using me, sucking up, saying nice things and taking my votes. They used that money to buy votes and push our work down.

This post was just a roast. I'm having fun here, yet I have some asshole come along in the comments to say I'm being jealous. The comedy stuff is often misconstrued. I'm working around people who have sticks shoved so far up their asses that they wouldn't know a joke if it came around, pulled the stick out, said, "HAHA BITCH," then rammed the stick back in even further. I wrote a joke post about how to tell if a post is meant to be funny or not, explaining everything, and people still came along and took it seriously. Can you say, "Fuck Heads?" I can and I can do it loud and proud.

I tried some of the art/writing combo recently. I had people not realize I was being creative. They were analyzing me and thinking something is fucking wrong. That was the lowest payout I've had in what? Over a year?

How am I supposed to carry on and be that guy when every fucking time I go all out, my shit gets bumped down into oblivion and even with nearly 3000 followers I get burned.

All in all though, if there's something bothering me and I'm suffering, just know it has a fuck of a lot more do with what's going on here than what's going on there. I don't mind mocking these douchebags who pretend to be successful. I have fun with it. This is me trying to have some fun. I'm trying to make light out of something that yeah, it bugs me, but this is my fancy way of coming out on top. So whatever.

Fuck this, fuck that, fuck these, fuck those and fuck them over there. I don't care. I need to do shit like this because on top of being a fine writer and an artist, a funny guy and an entertainer, a nice guy, and all that other shit; I'm also a big fucking asshole and I enjoy it.

Yeah, agree with @dreemit. Please repost... I fucking wanna read it!

I am here almost a month and I felt the most amusing and genuine Dolphin is you. None of those guys listed in trending give a shit about a plankton with low reputation number like me. Although I have been busting my ass off to construct a beautiful comment (of course I mean every word and english is not my main language) to rise above those generic comments "Nice fucking post.. follow, upvote and resteem shit".
And you, @nonameslefttouse is the only person who took the trouble of what little time you have to respond honestly and thoughtfully (I thought I'm going to get shitty response as "Thank you. That's very kind words"). Naive as I am, I still know how to tell the difference between honesty and insincerity. Its a 2-way street for me...
I like you this way...and I know the post above is a sarcastic joke.

I was an amusing minnow once. I think that's what helped me become an amusing dolphin. I haven't changed much. I've improved and my environment changed. This little joke is relevant today but wouldn't make much sense a year ago. It'll still be funny in the future, as a history lesson. A sign of the times. It's satire. Twenty year old episodes of The Simpsons are still funny, even though what they talk about is irrelevant. If this was an essay or a rant, it loses it's value over time. Why am I rambling and explaining myself? I think you get it.

I think I've probably told you this before, but I don't look at trending for this reason. Why do I need someone else to tell me what I should look at and upvote today? I have a feed, which is perfectly good for that purpose.

Sometimes I do look at trending. Usually it's when I am trying to stop myself from buying more STEEM on a whim. Sadly, it usually works.

I don't even look at the trending page anymore. The people I want to support most likely will never be trending. I know I'll never be trending. Just like in real life too. I was never meant to be a cool kid or have the chance to pretend I'm a cool kid.

I got a future check to cash and more shit to say.

That really made me thinking and then laughing.
lol That video was something. They spoke about cougar, they zoomed in and there it was, cat looking at the reporters and at least for a moment feeling like a cougar.
BTW: I tried to push thumb up 👍. Just letting you know that I tried.

Thanks for trying. It's the thought that counts, right?

u r sutsh a trenda - post some more dirty wool!

"Okay, put one foot inside the car. Yeah! Just like that. Now, look to your left and hold the door. Perfect! Now, act like people are watching you and this pose is what makes you seem cool. Great! Ready for your status update picture?"

Yeah, bro. But hurry up. I think I see the the owner of this car coming. He looks mad.

I now play sad music while I read your posts.

I play the Final Jeopardy theme song while I wait for you to make a point.

I hear the auditions for Jeopardy are fixed.


lol, I did laugh out loud at your response.

  • I'm just poking at you. :)

"Don't poke the bear."

LOL!

This is upme's wallet.

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Whats up with that, @whatsup? Feeling sorry for me? LOL

Thanks.

Sorry for you? Nope. Not for a minute.
supportive of you.. Even if you sometimes baffle me. :) All snark intended.

That works. I don't really like those pity parades.

I baffle myself too.

Trending don’t mean shit... I hope the quality will still find it’s way up...

Maybe they should make a 'quality' tab where only the votes of others count. Self votes and bots get the boot. Genius!

That would be a good solution!

Your sarcasm killed me. now I have to go to your blog to read your other stuff. Love the way you shredded the the 'fake'.
Then again may the trenders exist so that we can easily sort out the trash..........

Enjoy your stay!

Every time! Guy is genuine funny.

No fake shit.

Lmfao Sarcasm level 9000.

One who cleans the filth from the wool. ''Sounds about right.''

I died there.

It's like a self cleaning oven in here. They just burn themselves and go away. Problem solved!

That's pretty accurate!

It is unfortunate and funny that some members falsify their names by using alias for several purposes. I use my real name and my true talent, although I am an Arab and my English is weak. I always feel that the content I do is weak, but I work hard to get good content. By gaining new friends ، thanks u for a great article, so good luck my dear friend @nonameslefttouse 👍👍😉 , all the best for you 😃

Is a samer like a trender but with more arab dubstep or is that a trapper?

trenders right now

Your appreciation is welcomed. I find it difficult to admit being a tender having seen the meaning as shown in your screen shot. I'd rather say am a fan or lover of your crafts.

Man, i have the same dictionary

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I'm dedicating this song to you. I kind of hope you have never heard it so it will be a treat: Asshole

Woahh woahh woahhh trenders.... Life for sure is full of trenders... Actually here on steemit people with shit blogs become trenders.. How? Because of shit bots...

Relax. Someone's afraid of competition. It goes down well with people, with or without a voting bid. So don't be jealous of @yallapapi. It's getting on my nerves.

This has nothing to do with that guy. How can someone be jealous of a fake? Do you not know what a roast is? Comedy? Derp! Did you forget to read the tag and think I was serious?

This is for everyone who's getting sucked in to paying for votes and especially those who pretend to be successful when they do it.

Competition? I earned 21000 SP here. Are you on glue? You're new, you don't know shit. I see you unfollowed. Good riddance!

@yallapapi's weasely methodology is a cancer. What's worse? He is training others to use it.

I am loving seeing his manipulative ass get roasted (along with the others that fit the same mold). Gives me a justice hard on to see fake people get put in their place.

Your welcome @nonameslefttouse

But My $hit Post Don't Stink or Trend...

;p

Don't worry. My good posts don't get far either.

2Shay!

The fake trenders are not fooling anyone. I just follow certain people I don't follow trenders a very good article though thanks my friend by the way happy Easter

I do believe this is a classical piece of writing and Trenders have been crushed under the humorous content of the @nonameslefttouse :D

I am having a cup of tea and writing with (Laughs) that you are always best to F**k anything around the world :D

Thanks for a good post, very interesting to read..

Thanks for the good comment, very interesting to read..

That weather report video is like the funniest shit I've ever seen.

I heard the dictionary is been revised, trending is now the new trashy.

Interesting stories to read and love to hear!

Do you need like 150$+ to get on trending? It doesn't really make sense to constantly buy so much because you only lose money.

Yeah, that vote buyers... I would never do something like that, I'm saint, dah!

  ·  7 years ago Reveal Comment

You're a fucking trender!

I can't believe this is happening!

Best day ever!

You copied a comment from a friend of mine! You fucking douchebag.

"Wow funny!" You have no idea what you just read. No clue!

Don't copy/paste comments. Enjoy your flag.

sorry sir,,,please forgive me,,,,i respect you,,,please cancel down vote,,i am poor user ,,,please please,,,i never do this work,,,please,,,sir

Showing respect comes first, not after you do something stupid and get caught.

You knew what you were doing when you did it.

Move along and stop begging. Just go away. You did something stupid, you knew it was stupid before you did it but yet you still did it. You got caught, you got flagged. You'll get another flag if you do it again. Go away.

please sir,,,

sir i will obey all your rule please forgive for first time,,,,please cancel downvote

What did you think was going to happen when you copied someone else's comment?

sir i am a bangalee,,,i dont understand english properly,,,i am new in steemit,,i am sorry for this ,,,i never do this ,,sorry

I don't have any problem with you if you promise not to do it again.
See, this is what happens when you plagiarize (copy) content from others - be it comments or posts.

Also, you don't have to call me sir. Or anyone else on here, in fact. We're all friends trying to help each other out.