Someday, we'll all look back on this and plow into a parked car..:\

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers..

Bumper Stickers: Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am...

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

If you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

How can you tell which bottle has the PMS medicine? It's the one with the teeth marks.

A blind man was calling an end to his relationship with his girlfriend. "I'm sorry, I can't see you anymore."

Never allow your self to be an option in someones life when you allow them to be a priority in yours. Remember you are worth more then that

You can say anything foolish to a dog and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God! You're right! I would have never thought of that!

An old person is like a Slinky: Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...

I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.