Want to really stand out on the tennis court? This fashion forward, yet high performance tennis racket will not only improve your game but also make you the envy of every athlete to have ever competed at Wimbledon!

If there's one problem in the world today, it has to be animals. There's just too many of them! This Do It Yourself guide will not only give you the back swing you deserve, but you'll also be doing the planet a much needed service.

FUN FACT

Did you know there are as many as 120 to 230 panthers still remaining in Florida?!?

That's a lot of tennis rackets!!!

Step 1

The first step requires the acquisition of your building materials, a.k.a.

A PANTHER!
You want to make sure you get a nice and young one as their material is more resilient and flexible, in effect giving you that "over the top" power serve. Old panthers tend to be more brittle and don't provide the quality necessary. Also, they're going to probably die soon anyway. Just to play it safe you might need to bag yourself a second panther.

Step 2

Now that you've removed one more pesky predator from the ranks of the living, it's time to make your racket strings. You're going to need an industrial strength meat grinder and some glue (preferably Elmers).

First you need to soak the panthers corpse in glue overnight so it begins to marinade into the cellular structure, giving your end result more tensile strength. Next, you just toss the panther, whole, into the meat grinder. Once the strings begin to come out of the meat grinder, lay them out flat and let them cure overnight.

VOILA! You just made the strings for you brand new tennis racket!

Step 3

The third and most dangerous step, is procuring the frame for your tennis racket. You have to go to Canada during winter (which is all year long, so July works) and you need to befriend yourself with the locals. Drink lots of beer, talk about maple syrup and say "EH" a lot. This will garner their trust and you'll begin to blend in. Once you've established yourself into their ranks, pick the weakest looking Canadian you can find (remember, these people can change a transmission out of a vehicle on the side of the road in 40 below degree temperatures), punch him in the head and steal his snowshoes. Quickly escape the country before the mounted police catch you or you get trampled by a moose.

You've done it! Just thread your panther strings into your snowshoes, slap a bit of baby seal oil on that puppy and you're good to go whack some balls around!
Great job!

Silent Discourse signature.gif

Here's a great resource for any other new steemies like myself,
with a ton of awesome and helpful people.
Definitely go and check them out.
@newbieresteemday @greetersguild

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penderis (63) · 7 years ago

Well for the amount of money they win in those tennis tournaments I imagine a few Panthers are worth the price for the best piece of equipment you can get and it is instagram worthy. . I really hope none of them read this though :) Us non-tennis players should keep this a secret.

$0.00

1 vote

silentdiscourse (42) · 7 years ago

Absolutely! You can't put a price on excellence...

Instagram worthy? That's food for thought... Never used Instagram before. Then again, I'd never used Steemit before 10 days ago...

I don't use instagram either, I just use that word because this is something the cool kidz would post so other cool kidz can see what they have. :)

I appreciate the votes on comments but best to keep that power for posts you like. just how I do it since we all have very little power it is best to optimize.

That's a good point. Still a well deserved upvote but you're right, best to maximize

clivealb (45) · 7 years ago

Your GIF game is on point! 🤣

It's ok... You should see my TENNIS GAME with my new PANTHER RACKET!

bashadow (65) · 7 years ago

That was pretty funny, you might make a decent standup comic. Or you could write for the New York times, You spin a story pretty good.

silentdiscourse (42) · 7 years ago (edited)

Writing for the New York Times? Now that would be a pretty decent gig... "Standup" comedy sounds a bit too labor intensive though... ;)

Thanks @bashadow

crystalpacheco30 (62) · 7 years ago

poor panthers lol Upvoted :)

Lol.. Think less about the panthers and more about your presence on the tennis court.. ;)

Thanks for the support @crystalpacheco!

thekittygirl (68) · 7 years ago

This is such a creative and hilarious post! Loved it! Thank you for giving us all such a great chuckle in Whaleshares! 😊

That's awesome, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it :)

See you guys in there again soon!

arrrados (53) · 7 years ago

Hahahaahha, this is brilliant!