What the news would be like without the use of deceptive euphemisms.  

Male Presstitute:  Good evening, passive followers, this is a half hour mind and emotion manipulation program sponsored by the corporatocracy.  I’m an overpaid teleprompter reader with an authoritative voice.     

Female Presstitute:  And I’m the comforting female figure with some added sex appeal, who also reads a teleprompter.    

Male Presstitute:  In our lead story, we offer this reminder that coming up this weekend, in honor of uniformed rights-violators that wear camouflage uniforms, many people will get the day off from work.    

During the holiday weekend, extra rights-violators with badges will be patrolling the beaches and parks, violently suppressing peaceful actions like selling lemonade, drinking beverages, and smoking plants.  Anyone caught doing those peaceful activities might be extorted or thrown in a cage by the rights-violators.  One of the higher psychopaths in the rights-violator cult stated, “We’re putting out these extra violent rights-violators for the weekend to keep people safe, and anyone who thinks this isn’t freedom is an anti-’merican social pariah.”   

Female Presstitute:  Also, these same extortion funded rights-violators will also be violently stopping vehicles at gunpoint and forcibly taking blood.  If you refuse, you’ll be thrown in a cage, and possibly tortured and extorted.  This is done in order to maintain the illusion that those who rob and suppress you are there to keep you safe.    

Male Presstitute:  Turning now to wanton murder and rights violations on the other side of the world;  A terrorist gang wearing uniforms from a tiny, violently controlled geographic area called “Israel” randomly murdered innocent people today.  The psychopath figurehead of the violent ruling hierarchy of this place called Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, made a smug statement regarding the event, quote, “These murders were necessary to maintain our violently controlled, immoral borders.” He then grinned like a cheshire cat and twisted his face with sadistic pleasure.    

Female Presstitute:  We’ll now take a short break so you can view this propaganda from one of our oligarch-owned corporate sponsors.    

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Male Presstitute:  Welcome back.  In an effort to improve the effectiveness of the extortion-funded indoctrination prisons for children called schools, some psychopathic control freaks around the world are using an experimental new drug that poison-pill manufacturers, like Jerck Pharmaceuticals, have deemed safe and revolutionary.  According to an anonymous spokesperson from the public indoctrination prison system, the new poison pill will be given to all children in select geographical regions in an effort to make them completely submissive and unable to think their way out of a paper bag.  When asked about the potential risks of the new poison pill, a representative from the poison-pill manufacturing industry stated that there are no known risks.  He also assured us that he does not have a conflict of interest.    

Female Presstitute:  We’ll leave you tonight with some happier news so you can end on an emotional high note.  Thousands of young people have been camping out in front of slave labor dependent big box stores.   They’ve done this for days so that they might be the first ones to buy a new virtual reality game called “Ultra War Super 3D Sniper”.  

When asked why he couldn’t wait to get his hands on the game, one of the young campers said, “Um, like, ya know, cuz it’s cool, and stuff.” 

The game is proudly sponsored by the US Department of Murder.  A representative for the Department of Murder said he was quite thrilled about the popularity of the new game.  When asked why, he said that it was a revolutionary new technology that would change the mass murder called warfare forever.  After a generation is trained to murder in a virtual setting, then the transition to real mass murder via a remote controlled avatar soul-dier would become inevitable.  He also said that once mass murder can be conducted in this way, it would cost a lot less fake mon-eye because the soul-diers could murder from the comfort of their own small, dingy apartments.  He also said yay, freedom, 'merica, hoo-raw.  

Male Presstitute:  How inspirational. Well, that’s all the overt propaganda for this evening.  Stay tuned for some covert propaganda via sitcoms and dramas. Goodnight. 

Thanks for your time and attention!

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