Back when I was young and dumb
...okay not that long ago I thought that being single meant using an online dating app would be a good way to meet my Prince Charming. Little did I know I was about to find myself knee deep in some of the most disgusting, weird, but overall hilarious messages from guys. I started to record them and thought they might make someone laugh one day as hard as I do when I read them.
Disclaimer: These were the very first messages I got from men. I did NOT message them first, nor have I changed any spelling or grammar. So if things are misspelled or sound weird, then you are just getting all the glory.
And now for the Worst First Messages from Online Dating:
1.) "What do you mean you aren't religious?"
2.) "3sum?"
3.) "We should make babies"
4.) "I recognise your pics I know I messaged you once upon a time. and in your profile you do say no man child and my profile may come across as one but answer me this. dose a man child own his own home, a car, have expensive hobbies AND goes camping as often as possible?"
5.) "Hey beautiful how you doing today. I was wondering if you be interested in hearing $2000 for 2-3hrs of your time by being my woman sexually for those hrs."
6.) "Now when you say "no drugs" does that mean weed too?"
7.) " Hi do you want to be my sugar baby? I own 5 gas stations and I am generous"
8.) "Looking for a girl I can ride as hard as my horse"
9.) "can you wear something lacy when you come over tonight"
10.) "Do you have a Valentine's date yet? I was thinking of Subway, but I could provide you with a footlong all by myself..."
11.) "Wanna fun?"
12.) "Hey would you like to chat n date indian men...?"
13.) "Text? I'll only message you 9 billion times a day"
14.) "If you were a tear in my eye I would never cry for the fear of losing you...or some shit like that.."
15.) "Can I be your first black guy?"
16.) "Hey how you doing. Let's fly to LA together u and me can look fresh together .... you are just perfect for my Girl"
17.) "Will you be my girlfriend"
18.) "Hi do you want to end the reign of the bourgeois with me"
19.) "Come over"
20.) "Lemme ask you something unusual that might either scare you or excite...have you ever fantasized about being with two men at one"
Giph Link: https://giphy.com/gifs/reactiongifs-HBQDBqA3kgTrW/download
I hope you found this as crazy and hilarious as I did the first time I opened these messages. People cease to amaze me!
Go in a good way - @teggit
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Plant trees with @treeplanter and get paid for it!
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Thanks a lot!
@martin.mikes coordinator of @kedjom-keku
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Thanks!
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This is great. I recently learned that my POF profile has made me the target of Russian spammers. I put out a piece yesterday of similar ilk. Also, what say you to #s 4, 6, & 17? jk But seriously, #18.
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haha unfortunately none of them got replies
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Hahahaha roflmao! So if you have used all 20 of them in the same date that's probably not good huh? Just kidding. Great post. I noticed you commenting on a freewrite post recently. I too just started doing @mariannewest freewrite, it's a fun way to do a post in five minutes if you feel like doing something different. We can only talk about cryptocurrency for only so long. I started a curation trail recently, meaning those who are signed up get upvoted by everyone on the trail. Basically you would follow my vote on posts, not comments, just posts. I have weighted it to take it easy on people's voting power so that they aren't shackled to just voting those people, they can still go out and do their own thing and not run their voting power to nothing. I'd be curious if you were interested, feel free to message me back, I can walk you through it's very simple. The post made me laugh hard enough surely to warrant an upvote, so I am sending you a treeplanter upvote!
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I am so glad you liked it. For some people bad things seem to happen to them, for me its funny things so I thought people should be able to laugh at it too.Yes I agree it is extremely hard to find something to read that is not about crypto and I am trying my best to offer that to the community and have trouble finding people who do the same. I am really new to this so I am interested but unsure as to how everything you are saying works.
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Ok great. Yeah the article cracked me up. First, the curation trail is a nice way for newbies to get a base of upvotes right away. I started it a few weeks ago, there are now six active posters, meaning they post on the average once a day. Every 24 hours your account will recover 20% voting power. To make a long story short, if you vote like 10 times in 15 minutes, your account will not recover that voting power for 24 hours. If you keep upvoting after that your account will take longer than 24 hours to recover. I have set this up to use only a portion of that. So each time you post, you will get upvoted by the people on the trail. You will also benefit by the fact that is set up for bigger people on Steemit (high steempower) to fall in and upvote behind our posts, later on because they will get bigger payouts for voting which they do anyway (don't worry that may be the most complicated thing on here and is very irrelevant to people just starting). The nice thing also is that if you set that up and you don't like what it is or isn't doing for you, you select unfollow and it's turned off until you turn it back on. I do what I can to explain all of this information as much as I can, and talk with as many people as I can and have had the pleasure to help a lot of good people on here that were likely to be successful, I enjoy being the person that may have given them the nudge to move them forward. I certainly am not a salesperson on here, I do not want anyone to feel like that they were talked into anything they didn't want to do themselves. I prefer the free will route over the cheap salesman approach. I am always here an a resource available to you either way. Best of luck if I don't hear from you again, or until I do, keep up the great work!
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Ok so let me see if I am getting this right. Because I have been very careful about not voting too much in a day as that was something I read about during my 3 week wait to get my account. What you are proposing is a group of people save their upvotes for each other in that group for strategic purposes? And where is your curation trail or the link to it so I can check it out, or is it a hashtag? I am interested but just trying to make sure I am understanding :)
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Yes to a point. The idea is that we don't overtax the voting accounts, you can actually weight how much you vote the trail. If you are planning on voting say 5 or 6 times a day outside of this then you can weight it lower in your participation at say 30%. The nice thing also about being new and not having a mammoth vote value is that a lot of people that have more steempower could honestly really care less about getting a vote worth say 0.003-0.01. They seem (makes sense) that they would rather get an interesting comment from someone newer to the platform on their blog. The increased interaction is what really makes noticed on here, this activity also is a nice help. People pay $1steemdollar (sbd) to get and upvote for life from steembasicincome. That starts at about 0.015-0.02 if you were to post say once a day to start. The curation trail here would start you at least double that. Plus if you follow people like me or any other names I would give you around to what they are doing, that alone speeds up your learning curve out of the gate. I am a member of a group of people that really has no name because we are as autonomous on here as possible, that helps a lot of new people like yourself say in this example understand the virtual different language of how to use the interface, what you should look to do, what you shouldn't. I am bringing people into an accelerated learning curve so you don't have to waste two or three months in the ether. I apologize I get long winded with this stuff because I don't want to leave anything out that I am thinking to send your way. Let me know of any other questions, or additional questions I may have created, lol. Thanks again for the returned comment, enjoy the rest of your day on here, I should be online for at least a little while longer if you are still hard at work.
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"The idea is that we don't overtax the voting accounts, you can actually weight how much you vote the trail. If you are planning on voting say 5 or 6 times a day outside of this then you can weight it lower in your participation at say 30%. "
I am not understanding how I am "taxed". Who is taxing me...
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Sorry, misuse of the expression. Overwork, deplete I meant.
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Okay so I don't have to buy anything or whatever I just join the trail?
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