Jay Cutler chooses which animal to rob. Jim Shorts Reports

in funny •  7 years ago 

Jim Shorts here with an important announcement.

Congratulations Fox! You dodged a bullet. Jay Cutler has chosen to steal from the Dolphins!



This image was taken seconds after Cutler won his only playoff game. Or wa sit seconds after throwing his 4th interception of the game. It's hard to tell. He didn't care about either one.

In a move that should make every viewer of NFL games on Fox ecstatic, Jay Cutler will not be making his way into your living room each Sunday. Thank goodness! I can't imagine anyone would want to hang out with this guy for more than 10 seconds.



In addition to the overjoyed viewing public, the agents for every defensive player on the teams on Miami's regular season schedule has just gone out and bought a new boat (there will be no playoff games). Sacks and turnovers tend to get defensive players paid. The agents are betting big on Cutler's uncanny ability to allow defenses to sack him and take the ball away from him.

Perhaps they were heeding the advice of Charles Woodson. The defensive back for the Green Bay Packers, said it best back in 2012.

Woodson told Rachel Nichols of ESPN. “We understand that Jay is excited about his new weapons, but it’s the same-old Jay. We don’t need luck; Jay will throw us the ball.”

He was so right.

In 139 career games, Cutler has thrown 146 interceptions and fumbled 32 times. He has been sacked 302 times.

Here are Cutler's impressive playoff numbers:


Screen Shot 2017-08-08 at 11.21.40 AM.png

Where are the rest of them? There are none. That is it. During his 11 year NFL career, he played in two playoff games. He won one of them. He also earned stole well over $100 million while doing it.

If you are counting on Cutler earning some of his $10 million contract by being a leader, please think again.


Screen Shot 2017-08-08 at 11.28.51 AM.png

Sorry Dolphin fans. You deserve better than this. It is sad that this tool is going to be wearing the same uniform as Dan Marino. All you can do is prepare yourself for the worst.

These Packer fans pretty much summed up the Cutler experience.


If I were a Dolphins fan, I'd start praying for an injury.

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For the love of Ditka! That cartoon was great. Now every time I see Cutler throw an interception I'm going to hear Beavis and Butthead laughing in my head.

I know he comes with a ton of baggage, but the Dolphins would be a better team with Kaepernick. At least he is not a sitting duck behind the center.

The real winners here are every NFL fan who now don't have to listen to Cutler every Sunday.

100 million?! I suck at football too. Where do I sign up?