It is just like being in love or a middle school crush. You know that nice warm, tingling, feeling when your crush would walk by in the hall at school that numbs your whole body... Yeah, it's like that... but better.”
That is how doing opiates was described to me before I ever took my doctor prescribed pain pills or tried heroin.
They were right
But that's not how I would describe it to someone today, I would tell them where it got me.
It is spending every last dollar you ever had on drugs.
It is going days without eating, even though you know you are starving, but you need the dope more.
It is having to lie to every single person you ever had in your life.
It is waking up hating yourself from the fucked up shit you have done.
It is going to bed every night having guilt keeping you up all night.
It is getting dope sick and going into withdrawals every 8 hours unless you do more dope.
It is never attending any family event because you were too high or dope sick.
It is everyone no longer inviting you to those events and even scared to call and talk to you.
It is knowing you have one more chance to get better before you violate your parole and still choosing that bag.
It is watching everyone around you succeed and yet you're crumbling into a thousand pieces.
It is waiting in a car throwing up for hours while your dope man says just 5 more minutes.
It is stealing and selling everything worth value for dope, no matter how sentimental it was to your family or friends.
It is losing so much weight you are swimming in your clothes.
It is losing everything you’ve ever owned or valued in your entire life.
It is nobody believing a word you said, even if it was the truth.
It is being a prisoner inside your own head.
It is contemplating suicide every single day.
It is never being scared to die and welcoming that one big last shot that just might do it.
It is trying to stop the racing thoughts even for five minutes, but never knowing peace.
It is seeing your friends and family cry for you to stop, only for you to leave and go get high.
It is kicking in your dope man's door while only his wife and kids are home to hit his stash.
It is everyone eyeing you, because they know you are a drug addict.
It is overdosing and cussing out your friends for resuscitating you.
It is 67 different charges on your rap sheet and still breaking the law.
It is always looking for the jump out boys and running from the cops.
It is finally getting a good nights sleep once you hit your cell.
It is giving over 6 years of your like to the prison system.
It is giving your entire life away....
Yeah, they didn’t lie to me about dope, it feels great to do opiates... It just usually comes with consequences, are you ready for them?
I would like to also add I find myself to be one of the lucky ones. I have successfully made it out of 10 years of hard addiction. The majority of the people who I used to run with are no longer with us. I try to help others who are still struggling in honor of them and my new found life. If you need help, ASK.
