Over-sharing

When training to become a teacher, there are a few rules of being a teacher that are drummed into you from quite an early stage. They mainly revolve around not sharing your own political views when students are having a discussion, and also not getting too close to students.

There is such a thing as 'over-sharing', telling students information that is perhaps not really their business to know. This could be personal things like, perhaps, a court case you are dealing with, or maybe a relationship problem you are having. The list is quite extensive, and in many ways pretty obvious. I can't imagine why a teacher would want to tell their students about their boyfriend/girlfriend and how they cheated on them, for example.

Also, if the students are having a conversation about certain human rights, or maybe a political issue in their country or in another country, it is very tempting to think that, as a teacher, you have the answer when in fact all you have is your opinion. Most of the time students pretty much agree on certain issues. However, take abortion for example. Someone from Sweden or Denmark may have a very accepting attitude towards it, while someone from Colombia or Saudi Arabia may not. As a teacher, my job is to merely facilitate the discussion and interject with corrections and vocabulary. The maxim is simple "Teach. Don't preach".

However, there is one thing I constantly struggle with: being honest about my sexuality.

I don't really make it a secret per se. I am not one to be camp in general. Not that I find there is anything wrong with being camp. It's just not how I express my sexuality outwardly. I don't think of censoring myself in such a way at all. But there often comes a point during the lesson where someone may ask something along the lines of, " Do you have a girlfriend?". In fact, there is one lesson- a lesson I am sure many EFL teachers are aware of- entitled​ 'Not My Type'. It's from the rather dated book called "Taboos and Issues' which has many fun and sensible lessons which are often used by teachers in class. This lesson has a number of activities where students discuss their preferences in terms of a relationship. Things like "Messy" or " Overly Romantic' come up. It's a pretty harmless lesson and always goes down well with students.

It's during these sort of lessons, or maybe even apropos of nothing, that a student might ask me about what sort of woman I go for, or whether or not I have a girlfriend. It suddenly becomes a choice as to whether​ I should "Come out" to my students, even though I am not necessarily trying to hide it. Sometimes I answer directly, sometimes I give an evasive answer and other times I avoid the question by saying that as a teacher I am not allowed to participate in the conversation. I would like to analyse this situation a little bit, because I would actually like to have some sort of feedback on the whole thing.

As a teacher I cannot create an alignment with a certain value system that my exclude other students, or make other students feel like they have the 'wrong' opinion. So by telling them I am gay, I am in many ways showing a preference to a more liberal mindset and making it blatantly obvious that I am in favour of marriage equality, something not really spoken about in places like Saudi Arabia or Bahrain- two places I often have students from.

However, as a gay man, covering or lying about my sexuality feels like jumping back into the closet. I feel I am betraying myself. On top of it all, I can't really lie to students. When a teacher lies to their students, they usually get found out and often that means they lose all credibility. That is a big risk.

Also, some would argue that telling my students that I am gay is deemed as 'over-sharing'. It is not their business to know, and telling them would be opening up about something that should be kept to myself.

It's all very confusing, as I am not sure which choice is actually the correct one: Remaining an objective teacher within the classroom, or being honest with my students and living with dignity.

But before anyone says anything, consider this: I once had the topic of marriage equality discussed in class. One student from Saudi Arabia said it was ridiculous and that it shouldn't happen, that all gay people are drug addicts and don't have a job and are unable to function as adults. At that point I told her, "That's not true. I am gay and I don't do drugs and have a job". She didn't believe me at first, but later realised that I was telling the truth. It was a shock to her. By the end of her course, though, she had ditched her headscarf and was showing up to class wearing tank-tops and skinny jeans which she had gone out to buy with a few other girls from school.

What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments below. Keep it civil :-)